AIBU for not siding with my OH

[Peoplepleaser2018]

Today when out for a BBQ at local loch, a dog off leash ran down to loch next to us. Our dog on lead is a bit funny with other dogs at times. The owners were no where in sight. The dog then ran around us back to owners. It didn't do anything other thsn make our dog a bit whiney. My DH said to owner you should have your dog on a lead. He said why? My DH said cause there's children and other dogs about. Other words were had. Anyway, upshot is owner called my DH a cretin. My DH then approached him quite aggressively and words were exchanged. Kids and I repeatedly asked DH to come and sit back down which eventually he did. We said to DH that we think he overreacted and that the dog did no harm so get shouldn't have reacted like that. He then stormed off to car in a strop ruining our BBQ. He's now not spoke to me all day. He thinks because I didn't agree with what he did that I'm in the wring. I said I'm not just going to agree with his actions because he feels they were justified. The kids and I were scared and embarrassed by his behaviour. I told him the right this g would gave been just to ignore the man's comments rather than rise to them. He is very stressed and about to leave his job so I know that will be triggering this however don't think that is an excuse to behave life that or demonise me in the process...thoughts?

I agree with you but I don't think it's worth getting upset over now especially given what you said about his job. It sounds stressful.
I think stick to your perspective if he wants to talk about it, otherwise tomorrow is a new day

Thanks, you're right, I leave him to stew and hope that tomorrow he can see things a bit differently. Or we can agree to disagree. I do want him to recognise that he did not handle the situation well and it was not showing the kids a good example. Fair enough, the other guy shouldn't have started name calling but I don't think my DH should have said anything in the first place....

To be honest I agree with your husband about the dog being on a lead, it doesn't sound like they had control of the dog if they were nowhere to be seen. While it's good that nothing worse happened with your own dog/children I do think owners like that need to be aware. That could have been another dog that was very reactive to an off lead dog running up to them or a child that's scared of dogs and the situation could have been much worse. I think it's better that the owners are made aware before it gets to that worse situation. Although owners like that rarely take notice and probably won't change but I wouldn't say your husband was wrong for saying anything.

It sounds like the other owner started the name calling/abuse and while it of course would have been better for your husband to rise above it and walk away, I don't think I could be annoyed at my DP for saying something initially

I think the dog owner was wrong and your husband was right.

You have no idea what that dog is really like. It should have been on a lead

Agree with your DH about the dog, it should have been on a lead. Truly think it’s selfish to have dogs off the lead if they’re the type to run off and sniff at other dogs/people.

Don’t agree with his aggression, he took it way too far.

Thanks Lou98, it is maybe my people pleasing ways...I was like there's no harm done. I do have to mention to other owners often that if I have my dog on lead, please put yours on as my dog has recently became a bit temperamental around other dogs. I always end up saying it apologetically when in fact it really is unwritten etiquette ot oher owners choose to ignore in didn't seem to know....maybe there are lessons both sides today. Thanks, will now sleep better tonight xx

Thanks everyone, think my DH"s reaction did take things too far and deep.down he knows he let himself down. The other owner really did ridicule him saying you're embarrasing yourself in front of your family. (To be fair at the time I agreed with the owner) looking back that other owner was an arrogant so and so...I just really avoid conflict as much as I can...no dramas but I suppose if you do that you can become a doormat...oooft...life is tricky are times lol

Your husband was right but he then proceeded to make a complete tit of himself. Stomping around like a daft caveman is very unattractive.

Dogs should be on a lead if they can’t be recalled and approach on lead dogs. So I agree with your husband on that point.

However it sounds like there was a bit of an altercation which probably wasn’t necessary. If the owner called your DH a cretin they might not be the type to listen to reason anyway

Lol love the stomping around like a caveman...I can't abide stroppy nonsense. That's what riled me even more...