AIBU to consider giving up work

[Lazyi]

I realise this is a privileged position to be in. I would love some advice as find it hard to discuss with friends without being seen as moaning. I have theee kids, 2,5 and 8. I live in London, and other than maternity leave, have always worked in quite high pressure jobs. I changed industry a few years ago, for a lower salary but the promise of a good work life balance. However, although this is true of most of the organisation, it isn’t at the level that I am at, and I have been working much longer hours than the contracted amount (35). It’s probably partly because I like things done well, and that take more time than 35 hours a week. The job, so I have to take some of the blame. My manager has supported me in bringing extra people on, but this has not helped, as the workload gets bigger. At each stage, I have said I will just give it until x happens, and then take stock, but it’s now becoming apparent that this is unlikely to happen. My manager has again offered support and to employe more staff, but this will take time, I can’t guarantee it will work and I am tired. I have support at home from my partner, and a cleaner, but I feel like the house is in a mess, the garden is in a mess, and one of my children in particular needs more attention. I have suggested a job share, and this has been rejected, for understandable reasons. We could afford for me to stop work for a while. I could possible book a bit of temp work in, but I’m scared. Am I foolish to even consider this at this time? I also enjoy a lot of my job, I find it interesting and challenging and I want to build on what I have done so far. Ideally, I would work in his role 2 days a week, but that option isn't on the table. Or even better I would stop sleeping and be able to work, parent, garden, clean house, do diy, exercise etc. I just feel as if life is passing by and I have no time to enjoy it because I am always busy. Any help or advice much appreciated.

Ate you WFH at the moment? I've found that has left me more stressed about the house being messy because I see it all the time. And this year there's a lot of pressure to get the garden sorted. Id probably be thinking about changing jobs or looking for promotion rather than quitting though because once your 2 year old is a bit older then it'll all seem more manageable

Nobody ever got old and regretted not working enough but plenty regret not spending time to enjoy their families, do what feels right for you

Nobody ever got old and regretted not working enough but plenty regret not spending time to enjoy their families, do what feels right for you
I agree! Life is too short.
If I could quit work then I would

Go for it - life is short. Family matters especially when your children are young.

Op, I was in the same position a few months back. I left my career because I was stuck at my laptop screen from 7.30am - 8-11pm at night, the crazy amount of work I had to do in such tight deadlines seemed to increase during lockdown. I was meant to be working 40 hours per week, but was working a hell of a lot more and not out of choice. Plus I have two DC whom I was never getting to spend any time with.

I don’t regret my decision one bit, there’s plenty of time to go back into the industry, but kids grow up extremely fast, and surprisingly it’s my eldest who needs a lot more support emotionally due to lockdown.

I think you'll regret giving up the job and I think there are still other options.
Set up a trial run of say two months and make sure you delegate tasks to other people and spread the work out, are the other people actually working at capacity? When extra tasks come in make it clear, yes it can be done but then X won't get done and which is the priority from your manager? Bring your working hours back under control, plan when you'll finish for the day and stick to it.

The time when you have little ones is the most messy and stressful and then all of a sudden they're at school, you and other half will probably be back in the office and suddenly the house doesn't get as messy anymore. Time with the child that needs some extra help. Set aside a specific 1-2-1 with them. 'Saturday morning we're going for a bike ride just the two of us' you also get some exercise in.

Garden, can you get someone in to just get this done?

If you are in media or marketing on london and can live on one salary def go for contracting

I wouldn’t. I’d push for help so you only have to do 35 hours. With a partner and cleaner that’s easily doable.

Giving up work when you have three children to support in this economy seems madness. What happens of you split with your partner?

I’ve just gone back to work part time after my second DC and it’s been tough and I can’t even imagine how tiring it must be with 3 DC working full time. I was full time when my DD was 2 and I felt like I barely held it all together and was adamant that I wouldn’t be able to do it with 2 without risking a breakdown. If you can afford to then take the time out and see what you can do in the future that will given you a better balance.
I’ve had to plateau my career and watch people who were at the same level as me move on up but I’m ok with that if it means I can be home more and feel ok in myself

It sounds to me like you enjoy the work you do but just not your current job.

I’m in a similar position working PT and am completely overloaded. But it’s entirely due to poor management and their lack of imagination when it comes to job shares.

Would you consider looking for a new PT role?

I think you'll regret giving up as well.

It sounds as though your manager is supportive, and some of the longer hours are due to your own conscientiousness. What would happen if you simply tackled jobs in a "most important first" order, did them to a good enough but not perfect standard and only worked your contracted 35 hours?

Tbh to me it sounds like you are part of the problem. You have contracted working hours so stick to them. Work that can be delegated should, doesn't matter that you are a perfectionist or like things done a certain way, you are making a rod for your own back. If there is too much work, speak to your manager and explain. I really would have a sit down conversation with them about how you feel with regards to the workload. Maybe even consider a sabbatical if they offer that so you could take some time to consider where you want to be in the near future. You could then consider looking for a similar role elsewhere. It sounds like you do enjoy your job and are good at it so it would be a shame to give it up if there are things you could do to take the pressure off. I work 19.5 hours a week and have two preschoolers with a 3rd on the way. I have a good work like balance at the moment but don't think I could manage as many hours as you and not feel stretched too thin so you are definitely not unreasonable in how you feel x

Are you married? You mentioned your partner.

Giving up work when you're not married would be a no way from me.

It's hard to overestimate how damaging a significant career break an be to long term prospects. I'd ask for support and keep working in your field in some capacity if you can.

Thank you so much to all of you who have commented. I am going to mull it over and report back. Wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate the comments.

My suggestions echo others. Before doing anything drastic, first start working your actual hours. Your boss is offering more support staff? Brilliant - see how quickly that can be facilitated. But play your part too by not taking on more than you need to. I've been there myself and my work life balance is much better these days now I've stopped doing more than I need to.
If after that you still feel like you want to stop working, tell work that. They sound pretty supportive and if they see that by not offering part time they might lose you altogether, they may then be open to looking at alternatives.
And finally if you can afford for you to not work, are there other ways your finances can make life easier for you all? Extend the cleaners hours, see if they could take on more tasks, hire a gardener etc so that your spare time is spent on quality family time rather than chores.

I think the key words in this were “one of my children in particular needs more attention” and “I’m so tired” do whatever to have to to address these issues

I would do it in a heartbeat if I could. There was a book written by end of life carers a while ago. All these people on their death beds wanted more time with family and friends. More living life than just working.

I am very focused on a good work like balance. Only criticism is don’t quit on a bad day. If you got more headcount / spoke to your boss and could get a better work life balance would you stay? If your boss is supportive open up and let them know your thoughts.