to tell off other peoples kids

[KirstyT79]

ok stupid as this sounds my username doesn't match my gender. i was just out of interest trying to see how people changed usernames on mn and how easy it was to do. but i am posting with a question. how do you feel about telling off other peoples kids? am i the only person who would feel really uncomfortable to do this unless said child was putting themselves in serious danger?

It depends. I had no problem telling off my neighbour's ds when I caught him throwing stones at my cat.

Generally I'd try to take it up with the parents first though.

I'm perfect happy to tell off other people's kids and have no problem with others telling off my kids.

I do tell off other peoples children. It takes a village to raise a child and some parents need all the support they can get.

interesting the different approaches. i grew up where you would be told off by a neighbour if you were caught playing the fool they didn't care they just told you. now it seems that people are much more scared

Depends what you mean by telling off. I think it’s fine to tell kids not to do stuff. You would tell an adult not to hit someone or you would shout out if they were about to do something dangerous. Losing your temper is a different question. It’s not really ok to lose your temper with other people’s kids unless they are properly endangering someone.

Surely it depends if the parents are there and if they have seen what's going on or not?

All children have the ability to be nobs and all parents get distracted at times. If my child was being a nob and it was affecting other children playing I would much prefer them to be stopped there and then, by another adult, than it either ending up with someone crying, or someone having to come over to get me by which time 5 yo will probably have moved on and be doing something else.

I guess what you mean by telling off? If a cichlids was doing something dangerous I'd ask them to stop and explain why but I wouldn't lecture them or try to teach them morals etc

Same if someone was nasty to my kid, I'd ask them to stop? Again not telling them off as such? To me telling someone off is more of a lecture or rant but I think asking a child do stop doing something dangerous or to stop doing something to your own child is different?

These are examples of strangers tho. If I had a child in my care, e.g. babysitting a friends kids and I had responsibility at that time then yes I'd tell them off. Probably more mildly than I would my own just to stop the behaviour, then expect their mum to deal it when they got picked up.

Guess it depends what they're doing and what harm it causes?

I do quite regularly if they're doing something reckless / going to hurt themselves. I keep it to a stern no DON'T do that, because otherwise Y is going to happen though, I wouldn't actually bollock another person's child.

The last time was a couple of days ago, when a very small girl on a very whizzy scooter came the wrong way through the exit door of Costa, and stopped just short of bashing into me with my full hot coffee in my hand. I thought the parents might care but they didn't.

Generally no

I'm pretty chav (prime example of the old can take the girl out of the trailer park but can't take the trailer park out of the girl), so honestly don't give a fuck. I say what I say. Parents want to fight me, I'll fight them.

It's not snowflakes I'm worried we are raising, it's entitled little scrotes.

I stay out of parenting somebody else's kids unless it's affecting me or somebody I am responsible for, or they're doing something that would likely result in somebody getting properly hurt and their own parent is nowhere to be seen/not doing anything.

I'm not a parent, so it doesn't arise often, but I did recently tell off some teenagers who were trying to pull up saplings in the park.

Got some verbal abuse for my troubles but at least the little shits stopped.

I did feel like polishing my good citizen badge that day

what i mean is i would say something if someone's dc was about to do something really dangerous like was running away from parent and about to run into the road but i am talking about stuff like running around a pub beerr garden or a shop or being a bit noisy in a restaurant that's where i feel its none of my business. plus the noisy kids i could be telling off i don't know anything about them, they could be just being noisy brats or they could have something like autism meaning that they can't help it.

If they aren't hurting or bothering my children then yes, without a second thought. I don't care what their parents have to say either...don't mess with mine.

Only if they're doing something dangerous to themselves or others.

I have done before and would do again if needed to

This was back when my dd was a toddler and she was in the under 5’s area at soft play

A group of children about 10 were literally bouncing off the walls and running by the little kids knocking them over without a care in the world

They had their own bigger section but seemed to enjoy this toddler section

I told them to leave, and that this was a toddler area and go to the bigger section. They weren’t happy, but I was fed up of my poor dd being knocked over

Dh was embarrassed but they left.

They did try and come back but saw me and left again.

@soubriquet your poor dd. that would of course be different if they were upsetting your kids but if they won't bothered by it i wouldn't say anything.

I would stop another child doing something that was going to impact me (eg if said child was in my house) or if someone was going to get hurt. I wouldn't intervene if a child was using bad language or possibly going to damage their own belongings.

If a child was being mean to my child or someone else's I stop them. This has definitely happened before (usually in soft play centers).

My child and a friend were once bring silly in a playground and another parent told them off. I absolutely backed up the other parent and apologised. In the other hand my friend has a habit if telling off my kids for things like eating their fruit before eating their sandwich which slightly annoys me because it's none of her business and that isn't a rule in our house.

It depends if the child has a parent capable of parenting or is in danger.

One time I was visiting a family friend. Her grandson who was about 4 had noticed his GM putting chocolate on the top shelf of a wall unit. He decided he wanted the chocolate and started climbing the unit. His parents were out in the garden, I asked him to climb down since as he was going higher the unit started wobbling and I feared it was going to fall on top of him as it wasn't attached to the wall. I called his mother to come in but she was busy stuffing her face with barbecue so I plucked him off the Unit. He went to her screaming and her only response was to say in a drippy voice, oh Haaarrrryyy and then gave him the chocolate.

I don't know and I want to see opinions!

Today was at the park and an older boy knocked DS over dramatically - he fell over a bit of equipment and ended up on the floor.

He ran off and his mum was standing right there and didn't say anything.

DS said 'Mummy that boy knocked me over' and I said 'That's not nice, are you ok?'

Felt that was the best way to handle it.

Damn right I will if they are doing something that's hurtful or annoying to my own DC or if it wasn't related to my DC but they were putting someone else or themselves at harm I would. I notice, especially in parks now, that a lot of people don't bother to parent and equally when something happens they just either haven't been supervising and dont know or or just brush it off without dealing with their child's behaviour. The proper thing to do is to supervise your own DC and If they do something tell them off and also bring them to apologise if they have hurt another DC intentionally but I see very little of that these days.

Depends what you mean by telling off. I asked two strange children the other day to stop chasingnthe ducks because it wasn't nice. They said they weren't, I said they clearly were because I had seen them. So asking them to stop doing something rather than telling off.

Far from a life and limb situation but entirely appropriate to do as far as I'm concerned.

I think nothing of it but if I don't know the kids I'll start with a gentle 'it would be good if you did x instead....' kind of thing. If my kid was reasonably ticked off it wouldn't bother me.

It totally depends on the circumstances.

If the parent is around I would expect them to do the telling off, if not, I would take the issue up with them or remove myself (and my children) from the proximity.

If the parent is a friend it is quite difficult!

If the child in question is putting themselves or other kids/adults in danger I have no issue telling them off - but again, I would expect the parents to do it!