Posting here for traffic and NC because I’m ashamed and furious with myself.
So I haven’t been sacked but if I don’t get a handle on the problem I’m heading that way. I have a job with regular daytime hours (no horrible shift patterns, no very early starts or late finishes) and I can’t manage it.
A week of regular 9-6 work absolutely exhausts me to the point that I have in the past fallen asleep in my clothes the moment I got home, not eaten any dinner and slept through til the next morning several times a week. Some weekends I sleep for almost the entire 48 hours, emerging only to use the toilet or microwave a ready meal. I’ve had countless sick days (probably over 20) in the last year because I’m sometimes so tired that I can’t see straight, I feel nauseous and dizzy when I sit up and the fatigue is so overwhelming I feel like I’m being crushed.
I also sometimes (often) sleep through the morning and simply don’t turn up at work. I have two alarm clocks going off right next to my head and they don’t wake me, particularly if I’ve had a night of insomnia (which I also, somewhat ironically) suffer from. This has been going on since my teenage years (I’m now in my 30s) and affected every single job I’ve had - I’ve had probations extended, been sacked from freelance contracts, and now I’m on very thin ice at work. I’m outwardly a professional and successful person but I can barely hold down a job because I cannot stop sleeping and I’m at my wits end. Chronic fatigue has been mentioned by a previous doctor but wasn’t followed up for reasons beyond my control.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live like this. I’m not exaggerating when I say it’s ruining my life and will ruin it even more if I lose my job (which, frankly, I deserve to). I don’t want special treatment from work, I know how ridiculous it sounds as a grown adult to say ‘sorry I slept through my alarm) 20 odd times a year. I would chop off a limb for an official diagnosis but every blood test I’ve had for the obvious possible reasons comes back completely clear (and I’ve had a lot of blood tests for this over the years).
Has anyone experienced similar and found a solution? It’s getting to the point that I’m terrified every time I go to bed on a weeknight that I won’t wake up when I need to, which in turn keeps me awake worrying, which then disrupts my sleep even further. Any advice would be very, very gratefully received.