Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

DH just called me a witch WWYD

26 replies

Llamasally · 16/04/2021 19:23

We have a newborn baby, he was going to do next feed. Baby started grizzling as he sat down with a cup of tea, I suggested he might want to get a move on getting her milk ready. And I’m apparently miserable and a witch. Feeling very upset and dejected and don’t even know what to say or do now really, I’m very tired

OP posts:

RulesDontApply2Me · 16/04/2021 19:26

I’d hit him with your broom.

MerryMarigold · 16/04/2021 19:26

How tired is he?

Times like these you need a LOT of grace all round. Hopefully the choice words are not only in one direction and you sometimes say dodgy stuff in tiredness. If not, that is different....how was he before the baby?

englishbreakfast · 16/04/2021 19:27

He's selfish. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he's possibly overwhelmed/tired too. No excuse whatsoever for calling you names though.

ChocOrange1 · 16/04/2021 19:27

To be honest with a newborn baby you're probably both stressed and tired and in need of a cup of tea. I would let it slide this time.

PopAyetheSailorMam · 16/04/2021 19:27

Bop him on the head with my heavy duty cauldron.

Sometimeswinning · 16/04/2021 19:28

Early days can be a nightmare. I'd call dh a twat in return, martyr myself and never let him forget. Point scoring will also come into play soon. No one benefits or wins but it's kind of what some of us do/did.

VaVaGloom · 16/04/2021 19:28

Turn him into a frog?

Isadora2007 · 16/04/2021 19:29

A witch isn’t even that bad an insult. Quite childish. But you’re both exhausted and you sound a bit petty tbh as you said you knew he’d just sat down with a cuppa. Couldn’t you have said I will do this one you do the next? Or similar.

You need to be a team. Not point scoring.

bootolou · 16/04/2021 19:43

Put a spell on the bastard

B33Fr33 · 16/04/2021 19:45

Hex the bastard. And ask for a cup of tea for you too.

PurpleFlower1983 · 16/04/2021 19:52

Call him a something and move on. You hate each other sometimes in the early newborn days!

CovidSmart · 16/04/2021 19:57

@Llamasally, I have to say, my experience is that the best thing you can do is to make no comment at all and let him fail.

Because he WILL make mistakes (just you are/have) and he needs to learn his own way.
But, if he is any good, he will also learn and do things his way, probably with just as much result as you do (even if you do things in a different way).

The trick here is TO NOT STEP UP if he messes up. If things go worng (eg dc2 would have gone beserk at been made to wait and then wouldnt have fed or slept), then HE is sorting it out whilst you relax with a cup of tea.
And if his technique works, then you both get to have a cup of tea together.

Isitsixoclockalready · 16/04/2021 19:58

He shouldn't have said it but we all say things that we regret at times. You're both probably knackered and it's hard to be objective under those circumstances. Have a hug, accept his apology (assuming that he did) and move on would be my advice.

Flappityflippers1 · 16/04/2021 19:59

If it’s just newborn tiredness and he isn’t usually like that then I’d let it slide. Newborn lack of sleep is BRUTAL.

You need to be a team - are you sharing the nights? Giving each other a bit of a “lie in” here and there when you can? Prep the bottle for each other if you’re there and able to do it? (He 100% should be making you a brew too!)

Try not to get into the “I’m more tired than you are” row.

I detested my DH after we had our first, I genuinely thought we’d end up divorced! Just had second baby (3 weeks so in the trenches with you on tiredness!) but we’re coping much better this time round - the tiredness is temporary, promise!

SisterAgatha · 16/04/2021 20:01

Honestly I’d have one of two reactions to this.

laugh and say yes I am! let me cast a spell on you!
stop cold, look him dead in the eyes. Hold it for 10 long seconds and say slowly, yes. I am. Let me cast a spell on you...

Overdueanamechange · 16/04/2021 20:01

@VaVaGloom beat me to it - I was going to suggest turning him into a frog too.
Is he usually so rude and unsupportive, or are you both exhausted?
Congratulations on your new baby - it does get easier!

Cheeserton · 16/04/2021 20:01

Witch is unnecessary for sure, but I wouldn't necessarily rush to judge him a total bastard for snapping as he's just sat down. Crucial context lacking such as what he's been doing in the hours before, how is he helping and sleeping all round, etc. Snapping at each other is totally normal in the early stages, not universally but very common it would seem talking to anyone I know who has been through it.

diddl · 16/04/2021 20:02

Why did he need telling?

Would he have sat & finished his tea before doing anything?

Alsohuman · 16/04/2021 20:03

Mine frequently calls me a dragon. I actually think he has a point!

Ginger1982 · 16/04/2021 20:04

It sounds like you spoke to him in a bit of a narky way and he responded in kind. Having a newborn is a very stressful time all round. I would let it go to be honest.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 16/04/2021 20:04

Why could he not finish his tea?

Why did he need to be told by you?

If you don’t tell him, does he simply not feed the baby?

Sparklfairy · 16/04/2021 20:04

Put eye of newt in his dinner?

Doomsdayiscoming · 16/04/2021 20:13

@Llamasally

Has he got a speech impediment?

SarahAndQuack · 16/04/2021 20:14

Yep, frog time for him!

But seriously: I think others are right in asking why you need to say this. Is it because you think he's not noticed the baby grizzling? Is he expecting, because he's just got his tea, you might do the next feed instead? Or is it that the baby grizzling is making you feel frantic and he isn't moving fast enough?

They're different. If he's hoping his cuppa means he gets out of doing the next feed, that's not really going to work, because with newborns you can't schedule in a nice relaxing 20 minutes like that.

If he's not noticing the baby grizzling, then you need to have a conversation about how it's his job to notice too.

I think the difficult one is if the grizzling makes you frantic. I think people are really, really different on this. I know some people just cannot cope with hearing a baby who's hungry - it's like a power drill right by your ear and they cannot understand how anyone could ignore it. And other people just ... don't hear that. They might hear a grizzle but it doesn't go through them in the same way.

If he's hearing the grizzle but thinks 'oh, it's ok, baby's fussing a bit but we can wait a few minutes' and you're hearing it and thinking 'OMG I cannot take another 30 milliseconds of this,' then you need a compromise where he recognises he's going to have to respond more quickly than he'd like, and you maybe need to grit your teeth a little?

Original poster

Llamasally · 16/04/2021 20:17

This has really lifted my mood, LOLing at some of these responses, just what I needed for some perspective

OP posts:

Flip

1 2