I’m so claustrophobic re: husband at home Aaaaah

[OnTheBrink1]

Slight light hearted (I guess!) but is anyone else feeling so claustrophobic with their OH’s working from home all year?
I always thought how lovely it would be, having him around more to help with the kids (and he is usually really good around the house and splitting kids needs after his work) but after a year I am getting so sick of feeling micro managed in my own home!
If I sit down for a rest, and he pops out of the office I feel like a lay about. I even find myself listening out for the door opening and quickly jump into action sometimes before he comes in!
I can’t sit out in the garden during the week (I work part time during the school day and all child responsibility is up to me 8-6pm- kids all at primary school) because I feel like I’m laying around whilst he is working.
There are usually a few scarky comments in a jokey way like ‘oh, enjoying the sun there are you?’ Or ‘very nice too’
If he is doing a job, I feel like I need to be instantly busy and if I’m on my phone whilst he is seeing to the kids in the evening rather than tidying I get told I’m sitting about and I’ve been ‘caught’!
This is dispute being at home with 3 babies and then young children for 9 years before covid and managing perfectly well, kids always fed, dressed, to school on time, loads of clubs driven to weekly, homework done, music grades practiced and achieved, friendships maintained and play dates undertaken etc.
Yet now I seem to get critiqued on how I put the kids to bed (when it’s my turn) or how quickly I am tidying downstairs (when it’s my turn)
Ahhh just needed to rant really but I’m feeling so claustrophobic after so many years of him being out of the house 7-8, Monday to Friday! When can they back to the bloody office!?

Yes, I get it. I can't relax properly when someone is in the house working. I feel guilty, even if they never say a word or raise an eyebrow. It's the same thing when DH cooks. I have a very hard time just going off and doing my own thing. I feel like I should be helping him, and even if there's nothing I can do, it's difficult to enjoy the time to myself.

If your husband will be heading back to the office soon, I'd probably just wait it out, but if it will be a while, I'd consider telling him how you're feeling. You'll probably never feel completely at ease with him always in the house when you're trying to relax, but there's no reason for him to make his awkward little jokes. He can at least stop that!

I don’t even live with my DP but still feel I need to answer to what I’m up to
For example yesterday he messaged me and asked if I fancied a coffee as was in my area - I wasn’t as I’d gone into nearby city to do some work related business
I ended up 1/2 apologising that I wasn’t free then stopped myself and questioned him as to why he was asking about my movements when I wasn’t expecting him to be near (1 hour drive away)

DH's office has closed so he will be here for ever. We get on pretty well but lunch is my big problem. I used to just grab something from the cupboards and carry on. With husband and children here I have to have a proper lunch on a plate. We even set the sodding table most days. It takes ages and creates loads of washing up.

Also we set each other off eating wise. As soon as DH helps himself to a snack I discover I'm ravenously hungry and vice versa. So we are both getting hugely fat and drink twice as much tea and coffee as we used to

Me too! My husband has a garden office and he comes in around 10am to make himself a coffee and here I am sitting on the sofa in the kitchen on my laptop! I too feel like a lazy oik and have actually propped the floor steamer up against the wall to show my intent to do something!

Lots of us must be feeling this way. Maybe writing a big list daily with all the many to do's and sticking it somewhere prominent will make him realise how much you do and make you feel better. And cross them off each day and leave it there til late to make sure he sees it!! Put EVERYTHING on there - all the life admin and mental load stuff as well!!

Wedding vows say For Better, For Worse.
But not For Lunch 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Plus, I get text messages saying: ‘cup of coffee.’ "Yes, please I'd love,one"

I've got a stock line to use when I'm really pissed off ^"You're at work so can't see

Mine retired, hated being at home having to do diy or the ( small ) garden and found a part time job! He does the ' micro managing' thing too but as he is out for around 3 or 4 days each week it's calmed down a lot!
I can understand why older people split up when one retires ( or they retire together)

@Oneeyeopen

My dh and I retired 4 years ago. I had more autonomy at work. Dh micromanages everything! I have some painting to do but I can’t face the 30 minute training session before I start, followed by the tutting if I don’t wash the brushes and roller for about an hour!

I feel your pain; DH is always on hand with a suggestion of a ‘better’ implement or tool to use, a ‘better’ way of doing a task.. Funny I managed to light the log burner and load the dishwasher all the years he travelled for work.

@Oneeyeopen

My dh and I retired 4 years ago. I had more autonomy at work. Dh micromanages everything! I have some painting to do but I can’t face the 30 minute training session before I start, followed by the tutting if I don’t wash the brushes and roller for about an hour!

I feel your pain....

I'm micro managed at home too.....

I started a thread about this a while ago. My DH has been WFH for over a year and it's horrible. He works in the living room so our DS cannot use TV/playstation. I have to listen to all the meetings etc. Just bugger off back to the office now we are vaccinated

My DH had been forced into early retirement. This morning I was still in bed, I had left my sketchbook and pencils on the coffee table. He marched into the bedroom and threw them on the bed in disgust. I said great idea stayed in bed all morning drawing and made him supply coffee.

If I wash the floor he asks what I spilled, I think he missed his vocation as a commentator. He narrates everything I do.

He asks if I’m alright, 100000000 times each day.

You have my sympathy

This thread did not go how I thought it would! I am with you, OP, but I didn't think so many others would be too.

Your DH is out of order with the comments.

I am pretty much in the exact same position that you describe. I'm not sure my DH will ever return to the office and it's really affected my life as well!

On top of everything you describe, I also feel the need to take on his mental load from his job. He comes out of his office periodically and tells me about his difficult phone call/ now they want him to do this which isn't going work/ person X is being moved off his team/ they've moved up a deadline. He offloads to me all day and I feel weighed down by his job. I don't feel like I can do anything about it, and in fact I often ask him how things are going because I feel guilty that he has stress or something difficult and I don't. But taking on that emotion from his job hangs heavy on me. Before it would have been a ten minute conversation over dinner when he got home from the office but now it happens all day long.

I understand this too. My DH has also been at home for a year now. By and large it’s fine, really nice actually as we do get on well and it’s handy to just drop one child at home instead of always having to take both to everything.
But I do feel guilty just sitting and reading after lunch which is what I do because it’s my down time. DH works really hard and basically I am much lazier than he is. He has never said anything though and is very understanding over how much time I spend doing stuff with the kids.
But he’s had a few days back in the office and I do secretly love the silence in the house. Then feel guilty as he works so hard and is very agreeable and easy going so I really have nothing to feel guilty about apart from the fact that he makes me realise what a layabout I am