My DM and I had a conversation on the phone this morning about her and DF coming through for the day now that it is permitted (Scotland). During the call, she mentioned it to my DF who immediately acted in annoyance that he would have to travel 2+ hours each way just for the day. If I had questioned this, as I have done similarly in the past, my DM would laugh it off as him just joking and a "don't listen to him" attitude. Bear in mind that the last time we were able to meet was at a restaurant in late October which my partner and I did the majority of the drive to meet them 40mins away from their house. It struck a bit of a nerve with us this time as it felt like this would be a great chance to meet and be a happy time after not seeing each other.
My DF has a history of odd and selfish behaviour. My DB and I as children had the opinion that DF coming back from work was a bad thing as he was often in a mood and wanted us quiet and out of the way. Programmes we were watching would be turned over and any slight behaviour to question this or similar was met with a punishment for back chatting so we'd have to do the dishes etc. He was and always has been a stand off DF. Days out were with DM alone or our hands on grandparents while he stayed at home sat on his arse. I think he had to endure us for 18 years and now that we are grown up with our own homes he can relax and see us more as adults. But even as an adult, I still question his behaviour. He is notorious for being selfish and immature. He has fallen out with nearly every workplace he's had and when my DM left work due to illness, immediately stopped working as well leaving finances a little tight. Personally, as DM needs no additional help or care and seems completely healthy, it felt like an excuse for him to sit at home in "comfort". He rarely wants to do anything that isn't sitting in front of the TV or his solitary hobby. Ironically driving hours to do hobby in different locations isn't an issue. He is quite odd socially in that he puts on this act of being confident and jokey in front of people but it can be quite OTT and he domineers conversations by interrupting or inserting boomer jokes rather than engaging with people meaningfully. I'm at a point where, living away, I can deal with it usually and know how to handle him but I think my DB is beginning to feel the old resentment as he now has two young kids who my DF has little interest in, mainly as they can't engage with his old school humour and approach. My DM is our family glue, a lovely mum, doting DGM and so chilled out that DF's behaviour has little to no effect. Annoyingly he has found the perfect partner there in that he gets no challenge on his behaviour.
All in all I know that he will never change. I think the above paints him in a bad light but he does have good qualities too. I'm happy enough with the relationship we have now, more that I am just used to it. I'm not sure quite what I'm looking for as answers but I guess wondering what would you think of someone with these behaviours? In a way, I find him fascinating as he is so different to how the rest of us act and completely uninfluenced by those around him. Anyone else have a similar family member? It's been nice just to vent regardless!