Ridiculous meeting anxiety- anyone else?

[saffysue]

I've had to stand in for my boss in a couple of meetings this week. Both times I've felt my adrenaline rising, felt shaky and struggled not to show how I'm feeling when speaking.

This is despite the fact that I feel like I know what I'm taking about and don't have any worries about my ability to handle the meeting. Also, they were online so I was in the comfort of my own home and could have just switched the camera/mic off anytime!

AIBU to think I'm ridiculous and everyone else just seems to handle these things with no problem? Can anyone sympathise?

It's like a physical reaction and I just don't know what my body thinks is about to happen. I'm feeling very embarrassed that people may have noticed 😞

It sounds a bit like social anxiety(SA) which is quite common. Public speaking, presentations, speaking to authority figures can all be difficult if you have SA.
You could ask your doctor for propranolol which helps to take the edge off your anxiety and reduces the fight or flight response.

I get like this when I Chair meetings. No idea why, I'm not actually nervous of them. Maybe it is the everyone looking at me?

I do sympathise as I used to get this doing public speaking and still do occasionally but my main advice is keep doing it as much as you can as it does get easier with practice. Also, keep the mindset that everyone wants to hear what you have to say and they are guests at your party. No one is willing you to mess up. You are the expert as the host of the meeting. Also fake it until you make it. Don’t keep telling everyone or yourself that you are nervous as that makes it worse. Tell yourself you are fine even if you aren’t if you see what I mean.

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. I do actually have some propranolol for another issue but it seemed ridiculous to take that for a meeting where I'm just sitting at home.

I think I might have to just give in and use that in future but I wish I could just relax! In my head I know everything's fine but it's like my body overreacts massively to the bit of adrenaline I release and makes me shake etc.

I'm absolutely fine in some meetings so I think the idea that it's related to authority figures might be right as it only happened in these meetings where they were more senior than I'd usually attend.

Thanks again for the replies

I always feel exactly the same in meetings, even when I’m pretty confident in the subject I’m talking about! I used to regularly take propranolol when we were in the office every day but I have gradually managed to reduce my reliance on it since being at home. Just try to remember that although you feel like it’s really obvious, no one else does actually notice that you’re nervous! I think that’s where it’s particularly helpful being at home, because no one can see if your hands are shaking - that’s the thing I always felt gave me away and of course the more I worried about it, the more it happened!

@RunnerDuck2020

I always feel exactly the same in meetings, even when I’m pretty confident in the subject I’m talking about! I used to regularly take propranolol when we were in the office every day but I have gradually managed to reduce my reliance on it since being at home. Just try to remember that although you feel like it’s really obvious, no one else does actually notice that you’re nervous! I think that’s where it’s particularly helpful being at home, because no one can see if your hands are shaking - that’s the thing I always felt gave me away and of course the more I worried about it, the more it happened!

It's nice to know I'm not the only one but I'm sorry you suffer with it too!

I agree that being at home helps to hide the shaky hands. Unfortunately with me it then escalated to a shaky voice today!

It's so frustrating because these were my opportunities to prove my ability to more senior people and I've come away thinking I must have done the exact opposite!

I do think it gets better with the more practice you have.

When I first started the job I have now, my Apple Watch vibrated to tell me my heart rate was too high when I had to address a room for the first time. Now it’s second nature and I do it multiple times a day with no problems at all.

It's completely normal for public speaking- it does fade a bit in time but well done for stepping up to the plate. You have to reframe it as excitement or "race arousal" or whatever you'd call it, and do breathing exercises. Basically there aren't any people who don't get this, just people who find ways to treat it ad less important, not to let it get to them and then gradually it goes away.

I have a job where I have to do a lot of public speaking and chair meetings. I suffered from terrible anxiety initially - had coaching, hypnotherapy - nothing stopped the adrenalin surge and resultant breathlessness. Then I discovered propranolol - never had a problem again- take a tablet before any event which I feel may be stressful and no physical effects allowing me to concentrate on my messaging.

Also you are not alone a therapist friend told me that statisticall people fear public speaking more than dying

@Scrumbleton

Also you are not alone a therapist friend told me that statisticall people fear public speaking more than dying

Well these posts have made me feel much better, thanks all!

I have been doing that horrid inward cringing all day and didn't want to admit to anyone irl how I've been feeling as it seems so silly.

The stupid thing is that I have plenty of experience of meetings and public speaking but just seem to fall apart when it's a group of people I somehow see as more important/impressive.

I had this exact problem. Propranolol worked a charm until I got pregnant. Then I had hypnotherapy and that actually fixed the issue permanently.

I think it's pretty normal OP. Does it matter if people can see your nerves?
I genuinely admire people more when they speak or present and you can tell they're nervous but do it anyway.
I recently got over my fear of public speaking. Still nervous, and visibly so, but managed to do it. SO proud of myself.

@IdblowJonSnow

I think it's pretty normal OP. Does it matter if people can see your nerves? I genuinely admire people more when they speak or present and you can tell they're nervous but do it anyway. I recently got over my fear of public speaking. Still nervous, and visibly so, but managed to do it. SO proud of myself.

Hmm, I know you're right that it shouldn't matter but I can't help but feel that it does.

I'd have so much sympathy for anyone else who has the same struggle but I'm not sure it would make me think they were ripe for promotion.

Love the username btw!

Would you mind if I asked your age? I have only had this when peri menopausal. Propanolol and hrt have been a game changer. I had never experienced anxiety until late 40s

@Scrumbleton

Also you are not alone a therapist friend told me that statisticall people fear public speaking more than dying

This is totally me.

It honestly is my worse nightmare. Doesn’t help that I’m a chronic blusher too that has plagued my life.

@Unprecedentedusername

Would you mind if I asked your age? I have only had this when peri menopausal. Propanolol and hrt have been a game changer. I had never experienced anxiety until late 40s

I'm 38, not sure whether that's too young? I'm definitely noticing the impact of my hormones over the month more than ever before but I've always been quite sensitive to adrenaline.

I have to ask for the numbing injection without adrenaline at the dentists otherwise I start shaking and feel horrendous.

I just find it so annoying that the physical symptoms give away the slightest nervousness so it's impossible for me to pull off any fake confidence!

@Puffinhead It honestly is my worse nightmare. Doesn’t help that I’m a chronic blusher too that has plagued my life.

Me too! I can be in a room of people and I feel even for a second someone is looking at me I just blush and then I try and think about other things to stop me thinking about blushing or I just escalate to a red hot mess.

It was worse when we had things in school like the police talk to us about drugs and I’m sat there with a tomato face looking guilty but it’s just because I panic about blushing and looking guilty and so I then blush (like a self fulfilling prophecy)

I try and do complicated maths in my head now and it takes my mind off blushing but I’m completely understand you, it’s so debilitating in many ways.

@saffysue This is awful for you. I have a colleague who used to suffer like this. We arranged training for her with an actor who specialises in public speaking/ voice projection/ presentation skills.
It was a half day course but really helped her ie breathing exercises etc to help her control voice and nerves, ways to use her hands positively etc.
Would your company have a training budget that would allow you to attend such training? I don’t know how much it cost but was conducted over Zoom.

I have exactly the same issue. I speak confidently at meetings with less senior figures. I now have a weekly meeting with senior figures and other managers. I have to prepare and present feedback and even though I can essentially read from a sheet and am in my own home, I feel the panic rising from the night before. I tell myself no one can hear my voice shaking but dont know if its true. I would rather not take medicine for a weekly meeting but I feel like I am going to end up having to. As a manager i feel i cant talk to my boss about it without it making me look incompetent. It would also be noticeable if i didnt present. I feel really sorry for everyone who is also suffering with this - it is so debilitating

I have this too, and yes, propananol worked magic for me. I heard about it on here and it's such a relief to know I can do something about it! I still don't like speaking in meetings but now I can do it without the shakes, sweating heart racing etc. Brilliant stuff.

@IdblowJonSnow
"I recently got over my fear of public speaking"
How did you manage to overcome your fear?

@Scrumbleton

Also you are not alone a therapist friend told me that statisticall people fear public speaking more than dying

This makes sense. You only have to go through death once, there is always another excruciating meeting around the corner.

[quote Lupinhere37]@saffysue This is awful for you. I have a colleague who used to suffer like this. We arranged training for her with an actor who specialises in public speaking/ voice projection/ presentation skills.
It was a half day course but really helped her ie breathing exercises etc to help her control voice and nerves, ways to use her hands positively etc.
Would your company have a training budget that would allow you to attend such training? I don’t know how much it cost but was conducted over Zoom.[/quote]
Thank you for your understanding! And for the info on the training session. I think I'd be mortified to ask for funding from work but I might be willing to pay for it myself depending on cost.