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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teacher / parent relationships

23 replies

Ichiknee · 14/04/2021 22:01

I saw a parent of a child in my dd's (KS1) class in town this week. She told me that she and some of the other mums had been invited to the class teachers house for a gin evening. I was quite surprised by this and felt it somewhat overstepped the teacher parent boundaries (teacher doesn't have children at the school).

She then started telling me stories about a child in the class with behaviour difficulties that can only have come from the teacher as it was about things that happen in class. The child's mum was not included in the evening. I didn't listen to the full story and made something up about being in a rush as I don't want to hear the gossip.

Whilst it's none of my business I feel that the teacher has really overstepped and been unprofessional, talking about the child is inexcusable but I also think the gin evening was a bit off too. AIBU?

Ps this isn't a teacher bashing, just about this specific teacher.

OP posts:

beginningoftheend · 14/04/2021 22:03

That is very unusual, IMO

DaydreamsAndWishes · 14/04/2021 22:09

Agreed, very odd. Unless the teacher was friends with the parents before becoming the children's teacher, this would be very odd indeed.

Original poster

Ichiknee · 14/04/2021 22:10

She was not and has been with school less than a year.

OP posts:

AppleKatie · 14/04/2021 22:11

This either didn’t happen or you’ve only got 1/3rd of the story here.

Butteredtoast55 · 14/04/2021 22:12

As a headteacher. I would want to know about this. It is a real breach of professional boundaries, and will cause problems further down the line.

donerwillbehere · 14/04/2021 22:12

Nope shouldn't be happening .

Newrumpus · 14/04/2021 22:13

I don't want to hear the gossip

Hmmm. Not entirely convinced ...

Howshouldibehave · 14/04/2021 22:14

She was not

How do you know this, though?

I would say they were either friends already, or this is extremely unlikely.

OldScrappyAndHungry · 14/04/2021 22:15

If this is true then the teacher is being very naive. I would never make friends with the parents of kids in my class - waaaay too complicated .

NorahNorah · 14/04/2021 22:16

Is it a PTA meeting?

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 14/04/2021 22:17

Lots of potential scenarios here. Teacher could have been friends with the parents before getting the job.

The story about the child in the class could have come from elsewhere. Children talk about things in their day. Support staff and parent volunteers could have also been in the classroom.

I'd speak to the head and they can find out the true story and deal with it appropriately. The teacher may need a reminder of professional boundaries.

IvysPoison · 14/04/2021 22:19

I've never known of a teacher ever doing this unless they were already friends with certain parents prior to teaching at that particular school.

If this is 100% true then yes it is over stepping the mark and completely unprofessional on a number of counts. However, I struggle to believe you've got the right end of the stick here because it sounds so utterly unbelievable.

Original poster

Ichiknee · 14/04/2021 22:30

I thought it sounded unbelievable too. I realise children see things in class but they don't have access to how many times a child's parents have been in to see the Head this year and that they're on a behaviour plan.

OP posts:

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 14/04/2021 22:37

Surely some of this has been exaggerated by the other parent or there is details missed out. It is hard to believe a teacher would not realise this is unprofessional and inappropriate.

Leapyleaffrog · 14/04/2021 22:41

You need to inform the headteacher. If it happened as you describe it shows a very disturbing lack of awareness about boundaries, professionalism, confidentiality.... if I was the parent of the child being discussed I’d be incandescent.

It’s odd though because every teacher I know is at great pains to keep school parents at arms length! I’d almost wonder if that particular parent was stirring something/making it up.

MrsTophamHat · 14/04/2021 22:44

I have never met a teacher who would seek out this sort of relationship with the parents of children they teach.

askingrandomsonlinemighthelp · 14/04/2021 22:53

When I was in the 6th form, there was a 23 year old drama teacher at our school. She used to come clubbing with us at the weekends, get totally smashed and sleep on our sofa. This was 25 years ago though. I don't know why we didn't think it was weird. She was perfectly nice. I think my younger brother used to fret about it. I don't know what my mum thought. We went to her house and got drunk once, too. Just before university. Strange really.

Original poster

Ichiknee · 14/04/2021 22:54

It can't have been a pta meeting as those parents (bar one) aren't on the committee.

Some have said I got the wrong end of the stick which is possible but not from how the mum described it. I wouldn't want to report to the head (as some have suggested) if I had though.

A few months ago the teacher admired my dog and suggested we get together for a dog walk which I thought was a little strange but haven't thought anything more about it since. I can't imagine DD's previous teachers suggesting the same (and one is dog mad).

OP posts:

katy1213 · 14/04/2021 23:03

Sure you're not jealous that you weren't invited to the gin evening?
The teacher could know these women through any number of different scenarios; and you have absolutely not a shred of evidence that the story about the child with behavioural problems stemmed from her.
The one thing you've got right is that it's none of your business.
Far from being one who doesn't want to hear gossip, you come across like someone who can't wait to spread it.

Original poster

Ichiknee · 14/04/2021 23:07

Haha, I'm not jealous I don't even drink alcohol! I am not spreading gossip by asking an anonymous forum their thoughts. Honestly, why such hate?

OP posts:

Robotcustard · 14/04/2021 23:14

I believe you OP because there is a similar situation at my DC’s school and it worries me a bit what information is being shared.

AppleKatie · 15/04/2021 09:57

I don’t understand your reluctance to report?
If it is happening as you describe it’s reportable, disturbing and fortunately extremely rare.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 15/04/2021 10:49

I don't understand why you wouldn't report this especially with the dog walking story. It sounds like the teacher needs boundaries imposing.

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