AIBU. Garden wall

[BryanAdamsLeftAnkle]

I rent my house and have done for 13 years. 3 years ago new neighbours moved in. Lovely people. We don't talk to them much but exchange pleasantries and smile.

The garden wall as it is, is crumbling and dangerous and needs replacing. It also goes down to halfway from house to street.. So I suggested that they contact my landlord as I only rent and I don't own this house.

So lovely neighbours have been in touch with landlords who have agreed to share the cost of the wall being replaced with neighbours to the point it extends which is halfway down the garden.

Neighbours have decided that they want the wall down the full length of the garden and have suggested that we pay 1/4 towards the cost.

Cue me being given a bill for £185 for a wall I don't own in a house I rent. I could cry as I just said OK and sent the money but it's really sticking in my throat.

Aibu to be gutted that I have handed over money for a wall I don't own.

Yes I paid it for the sake of good neighbour relations.

@Thamigumathacharaid

Also, why are you replacing a hall carpet? Surely that's your LL's responsibility as well?

That would depend if it's a case of the carpet isn't fit for purpose anymore and needs replacing or whether the OP just wants it replacing to her style or whatever.

OP sorry but I do think it's on you, you shouldn't have paid. You could try passing the bill to your landlord and asking them to reimburse you but if it's not something they agreed to they may not in which case I don't think there's much you can do

YABU to have paid, as others have said.

I'd be asking for it back, passing it on to the LL, something. The neighbours aren't very lovely if they used you to get the wall they wanted.

Stop spending money on a house you don’t own.

It's housing association not private rent. So the carpet is on me.

I think you need to look into doing an assertiveness course.

Yeah, you really shouldn’t have paid. They aren’t lovely people - they’re cheeky fuckers who saw you coming! I feel for you because they obviously set out to take advantage

Cut £185 from next month’s rent and inform LL.

My sis does it all the time.

It's done now but maybe learn from it for the future so that you dont make the same mistake again.

How long ago did you pay? If yesterday can you tell them you have panicked about the cost and really cannot afford it so could they cancel the wall extension?

Otherwise, as a HA tenant at least you have good long term security, so maybe view it as an investment in the next 10 years with a better looking view into your garden.

It's lovely that you are "kind and thoughtful" towards your neighbours but, in this case, I think you would have been better advised to direct them towards your landlord as you did in the beginning.

Now that you have paid, I'd put it out of my mind but next time, don't let yourself be out of pocket for someone else unless you really want to give them cash out of your own pocket.

Agree with PP that some assertiveness training might be useful. All the best.

Being prepared is half the battle when saying no.

Have a few phrases that you have practiced, ready to produce when you are under pressure.

“Lovely idea, but I am not in a position to consider that at the moment”

“I will need to think about that so please give me 48 hours “ (to think of a way to say no)

“I don’t feel comfortable agreeing that at the moment”

“Unfortunately that isn’t something I can afford”

These can all be said in a friendly, polite tone, without confrontation.

No sympathy at all, sorry.
They presumably didnt make you pay at gunpoint and you had told them to speak to your landlord.
Being so wet has cost you £185, no point in crying about it just try to be more assertive.

@stackemhigh

Cut £185 from next month’s rent and inform LL.

My sis does it all the time.

Don’t do this

If you have a secure tenancy, you will be enjoying the new aesthetic and privacy of your full length garden wall for years (or possibly a lifetime) to come. It’s wonderful that you and your neighbours have made a small improvement that benefits you all.

You’re lucky to have next door neighbours who are house proud rather than busy ruining things, I would be very pleased about this. Extending the wall and asking to split the cost between you doesn’t make them bad people. You can continue to respect and like them. Good neighbour relations are invaluable.

You can replace the carpet in your own time when you have saved again. You have not wasted any money, you have beautified your home. If more people thought like this, a lot of neighbourhoods would improve.

If they are triggers happy with this sort of stuff in the future, and you would rather spend your money on something else, saying “Much as I’d like to, I unfortunately can’t spare any funds for that”, is a perfectly reasonable and polite response that anyone can understand and respect.

Congratulations on you sparkling new longer wall. Well done!
Hope it won’t be too long until you can replace your carpet as well.

@stackemhigh

Cut £185 from next month’s rent and inform LL.

My sis does it all the time.

This is terrible advice!

Send the bill to the housing association with a request for reimbursement of £185 with a short note stating it is for a bill received directly from the neighbours at house number [insert number] and paid by you directly to them on [insert date], for extending the wall down the garden.
Include any receipts or documents you may have that will show you actually paid it, or state that the neighbours will be able to confirm it.

Keep it short and to the point. There's a chance they may just pay it out then and there or they may query and then pay it or alternatively refuse to. It's worth a try.

If they come back to ask you for further information or explanation of why you paid it, state that it looked like a great addition to the amenities of the property and of mutually beneficial harmonious living with neighbours, and a reasonable request for a contribution of a fraction of the cost [1/4]- a modest sum to the property owner; and that you paid it as you felt it was the expected and correct thing to do, having been presented with the bill and feeling obliged to reciprocate in a reasonable and cooperative manner.

Don't worry further about it. Just relax and see what happens and take it as it comes.

Next task: send in a request for a new carpet for the hall, stating specific details such as age [number of years], how you have used it / taken care of it and its present poor condition [worn, frayed, discoloured, stained or whatever ] that makes it a necessity to be replaced.

Good luck!

@stackemhigh

Cut £185 from next month’s rent and inform LL.

My sis does it all the time.

Assuming that's a joke? If not that's terrible advice! The OP wasn't forced to pay, if the LL hadn't agreed to pay the extension and wouldn't have then all this will do will get the OP into rent arrears that she is responsible for🙄

I think it’s a bit different because it’s housing association and therefore you have assured tenancy and can live there as long as you like. Different to a traditional landlord

How are you feeling about all this now, @BryanAdamsLeftAnkle?

@SuitableJobForaWoman

How are you feeling about all this now, *@BryanAdamsLeftAnkle*?

Yeah pretty crap. I'm more angry at myself. After all my hard work to be assertive I'm clearly still a wet lettuce. I can't believe they they had a brass neck and I wilted so quickly.

So I need to take note and take a previous posters point and have a phrase book to hand. No that doesn't work for me.