To be really pissed off at my mil and to a certain extent dh.....

[frostythesnowmum]

I am 10 weeks pg tomorrow and since 6 weeks have had awful Morning Sickness that I am finding it very hard to cope with.
I have nausea 24/7 and vomit almost every morning and sometimes throughout the day. I have been off work for 4 weeks and spend my time literally feeling poisoned on the couch or in bed whilst my mum has been helping with my toddler. The housework has been left, I have shopped on line and apart from gp appointments and a hospital scan I have not left the house. As you can imagine I am very low and have been quite tearful.
My DH does not understand and although he has helped with ds a lot he mainly wants me to go to bed whilst he's around as he can't cope with me being unwell - his main concern seems to be that the result of my morning sickness means he has to do more and as he is pointing out it takes me ages to function normally after birth (last time I had a nightmare delivery and felt like I had been run over by a bus) and he has to do more then too!
My Mil is 70 this week and has arranged a family night out at a local chinese restaurant and seems adamant that she wants me to go. Everytime I have broached the subject that I doubt I will be well enough to go (the thought of the smell of the food literally makes me heave) she has insisted I will that I might be better by then, that if I can't face chinese then I can eat english food etc. Not once has she made it easy for me and said if I'm to unwell then I should not go.
Last night she came round and asked me to go to a church service this friday (i will be 10 1/2 weeks so I know I will still feel like shit) so I declined and explained why and again she started "you might be well by then"
Anyway when she left dh has a right go as he said I was planning to be ill in advance
Anyway I'm so pissed off with them both and I feel so ill that I really don't want to go to anything - I know it's hard living with someone thats ill all the time but is it me or should they be more understanding.

Go. Throw up on the table. She may believe you next time...

If you put it that you'd love to be there if you could, then make your apologies when the time comes it would sound less like you're planning it. Just sounds better if the default position is that you'll go (unless...), rather than you won't (unless...).

Unreasonable of her to keep jabbering on about it mind you. Is she trying to be welcoming or is she just annoying? I know my mil can be like a dog with a bone with this sort of thing!

they are both being very selfish. its frustrating being with someone who is ill and there is nothing AT ALL that can be done (for example a pg woman with morning sickness) but they need to stop and think about how selfish they are being and try to be more understanding.

can you try to get the message across in a different way? like write a letter to dh, or get someone else to have a word/kick him up the arse

or you could go and stay with your mum for a couple of days. might not help long term but its bound to help you focus for a while. you ARE pg after all and being stressed is not good for you or the baby (or your toddler)
good luck

ps
i too think you shoul smile and say "ooh yes id love to come"

then on the day barf like hell and make your excuses

Just do what me and nailpolish seem to do - smile sweetly and say you'll go and then make your excuses on the night. I do this all the time and I'm not even pregnant LOL.

"planning on being ill" - my arse !

They have no idea of what it feels like do they ? Have you tried to exlain to your dh that if he can remember having the worst hangover of his life, all day, every day, that's what you are feeling like right now ?

There is nothing anyone can do for you, but if you want to make your point, go and make sure you vomit on dh or his mother when the moment comes and it probably will.

Why the hell they are trying to wear you out when you shold be resting up is beyond me but some people are just selfish.

You could say that you have been advised by the doctor "to stick to bedrest as much as possible for the baby's sake and to try and avoid being hospitalised for deydration from vomitting".

You have my deepest sympathies though, my MIL was a pain during the early part of my last pregnancy and her and dh together were the pits. Our marriage has never been the same since.

I had very bad sickness, and ended up a little dehydrated, and my GP prescribed me a medication called Buccastem (I don't have the formula name0.
It interferes with the signals between stomach and brain, as it were, and, as you keep it under your top lip and let it dissolve, you can't throw it back up.
It made me feel a little dizzy (although that could also have been the hormones too), but it gave me a 2-3 hour window to eat, drink, get about a bit and just feel some relief.
It's not thalidomide - or anything like that, and you can take one of these tablets up to 3 times a day.
as for your dh and MIL - tell them to get a grip
there seems to be this thing with some older women - they refuse to believe in morning sickness
it's possible that the rate/intensity has increased as we eat more meat now (apparently that's the latest theory), but that doesn't help you much.
show your dh this thread, and he can take it from me - it's totally incapacitating

SO BE NICE TO HER!

yeah I think you fatally said no too soon. My tactic would be to say yes I'd love to come, I'm so excited I can't wait. Last minute (half an hour before you're due to go be very ill.. not that you have to try!)

Acupuncture is good for morning sickness, you should maybe give it a try.

Have you talked to your GP? Perhaps if it was an 'official' medical problem your DH would understand a bit more?

Been to gp 3 times last time she said she'd give me meds at 12 weeks if I'd not improved. I spoke to a friends dh who is a gp and he said even meds don't work miracles they do stop the throwing up ( but my main problem is nausea) but you still can feel pretty awful so I didn't push it.

i must admit - i used the "i'm on medication for the nausea" line to some single, childless (airheaded) chums more than once. they looked very serious indeed, and were more careful and considerate after that

oh you have my sympathy... I remember those days curled up on the sofa just wishing the weeks away so well. It's so depressing, so you have my utmost sympathy. I think your DH needs a kick up the bum - he's worried about "doing more"?? You're only feeling rough as, brewing his baby, doing more, in fact everything for a few months either side of the delivery is hardly asking much. My DH did literally everything whilst I had morning sickness and an awful lot after the delivery and post-delivery complications, I can't imagine what it would have done to my relationship if he wasn't supportive.

Just say 'No'.

I had morning noon and night sickness with Ds1 and was a bit like you, I felt really nauseous when iw asn't being sick. I remember going out for a meal - to a chinese place funnily enough- and having to leave becasue the smell of the food and other others people smoking was just unbearable.

I really feel sorry for you as I have suffered with severe sickness both pgs. I am currently 18wks with the 2nd and sickness has now eased a bit, but not stopped. It is a horrendous illness and so difficult physically and mentally. My father and step mother keep telling me about people "who have loads of kids and don't complain" etc and I find this attitude to hyperemsis disgraceful. They keep asking what is wrong with me!!!!! FFS they have known about the pg since I was only 5 weeks as I was so ill!!!!

I don't know how you can get through to people who refuse to believe what is in front of their faces. But I totally sympathise with you.

My mother in law keeps asking if the gp thinks I'm "normal" as she has never known anyone be like this before - and she knows a lot of people. Dh is a bit better tonight but has threatened to get grumpy again if I get sicker I'm actually having an ok evening but even then I still feel awful just not as awful so I don't like to admit I feel a little better because they then just assume i' A OK

He has threatened to get grumpy again?

I lay in hospital on a drip for one month during my 2nd pregnancy.

Dh had to deal with dd, keep the house running, go to work & find time to visit me every day... see if that makes your dh feel any better!!

And tell him to catch a grip & stop being so selfish!!!

Lots of sympathy on the sickness - I had it on both pregnancies - was sick everywhere, and felt sick continuously - went out for lots of meals, as I didnt want to be a killjoy - and sat there with full plates in front of me, unable to eat anything, or had some, then went outside and threw up.

I dont think our parents generation can be very sympathetic, as they would have had to join in on family occassions etc, however poorly they felt, so cant understand how we give ourselves permission to be ill. Not sure the best way to handle it, but good luck.

Hi Frosty, Tons of sympathy! I had the same as you, went to my gp as I was convinced I was really ill, tried the ginger biscuits, the arrowroot, the travel sickness bands, the lot! I also had a very un-sympathetic dh and mil, mil who had 7 babs and never seen nothing like me, ( ha so she says). I have had five babs and found that out of the five I was only ever really sick, for three of the pregnancy's, when I was having a boy. Not sure if that was just a coincidence, or if there is something in it? Has anyone else found this? What I did find though was that if I carried a bottle of water with me every where, When I felt like being sick I would take a mouth full, and hold it in my mouth, and because your thinking about the water the nausea passes, even just for a short while. You will probably find that things ease a bit after the first or second trimester (3 to 6 months). I know it seems like forever but it will end. As for dh and mil tell them that it's not the end of the world if you don't go, there will be plenty more times, Stand up to them, your the one who's pregnant!

Know exactly what you are going through. I am currently 21 weeks pg with third and was sick pretty much morning noon and night with all 3 from 7 until about 18 weeks. All i could keep down in this period was weetabix ot cheese on toast! (Will never eat either again for years ha ha) Have had 3 good weeks now where i only boke in the morning when i brush my teeth! Its such a relief as feeling constantly sick/nauseous is v depressing.

My dh who is normally very supportive and very hands on with our 2 ds's has been less sympathetic with each preganancy. The first I was treated like royalty. the second get on with it, The third? Forget about it!! After about 6 weeks of me feeling crap and not being able to help much in the kitchen ie no cooking or cleaning up due to smells from cooking/fridge/kitchen bucket/cleaning products all making me vomit like a demon! We had a big row and i told him that although he had been helping physically (by doing most of the housework as well as being a 12hr shift worker) he wasn't helping me by being supportive and that i felt like a big burden and he actually told me i was "wallowing" in it. I hastily reminded him of last christmas day when he had a really bad vomiting bug which meant he had to stay in bed and miss christmas dinner due to how ill he felt(Very out of character as he is v healthy and on the few occaisions that i have known him to be ill he just gets on with it) Was he "wallowing"in it then. So ill he had to miss the boys opening their presents from grandparents and xmas dinner. He hastily changed his tune and i must say that the row cleared the air and he was much more supportive after that. Its not just physical help that you need but just to know that people understand what you are going through and sympathise with you.

Although i must add that getting outside into the fresh air did help me. when i lay down in bed/couch i felt so much more worse as you had nothing else to think about except how bad you felt. Getting outside the house helped as did sucking mints ot fruity sweeties(God help my poor teeth) So try to get out and about a bit more especially now your feeling a bit better. hopefully it wont last much longer!

Dont listen to your mil- If she's never experienced morning sickness then she has no idea what you are going through. There is no way I could have gone to a chinese restaurant during my sickness. I couldnt even look at a piece of chicken never mind eat one or smell one! I couldn't even watch the M&S ad on the telly as the thought of some of the food made me so green!

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

I was sick all day for the first five months (till the reflux kicked in). My only relief was sleep, and that wasn't long. I narrowly avoided hospitalisation, and I didn't have a toddler to look after as well.

They are both being unreasonable. I would be crosser at dh, tbh, MIL is being inclusive and hopeful that you will be better dh thinks you're putting it on.

I was hospitalised during both of my pregnancies for severe sickness andstill remember (10 years later) just how awful I felt. Dp was wonderful, as was MIL, who, once I was out of hospital would bring round pots of whatever it was I was fancying and not complain at all if I couldn't eat it, threw it up etc.

I suspect MIL feels a bit as if she's trying to "jolly you out of it" whereas we all know that you're not choosing to feel like that and would probably love to be able to be out and about.

And I think that's the key really - say you love the sound of it and that you'll let her know closer to the time - and then back out of it. Or even, if you could on the day, go along for a short time, smile sweetly and then clear off home again.

Getting out for a while might help, at least temporarily, though I remember dragging myself along to a family party, feeling awful, leaving early, then being sick all the way home, I was still glad I'd gone, as it made me feel almost human for about an hour, rather than just a creature at the mercy of her body, as it were.