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There but for the grace of God (follow on from single mum benifit debate)

4 replies

lucyellensmum · 12/11/2007 08:28

Ok - so i didnt get drawn into the debate really, but reading some of the more recent threads i have to have my say. Yes, i hate people who start threads about threads too.

OK, so all of you smug women out there, looking down your noses at single mums on benefits. IT is really a case of "there but for the grace of god". I live with my partner, we own our own house. We struggle as he is starting a business and i am SAHM. Things are not great, i guess we are one step from repossesion but i dont think (fingers crossed) it is going to go that far. (we have also nearly split twice in the past two years due to money worries and my PND) my worst nightmare is having to go on benefits (ive been there believe me) and/or be housed on a rough council estate. So, ok, my rent would be paid, but i would have to live somewhere i dont find suitable to bring up my child (sorry im not being snobby, ive been there myself). It could happen so quickly though. Financially i probably wouldn't be much worse off than i am now (dd needs new shoes as the dog chewed the strap on one but we have to wait until we get some money in, whenever that might be, to get them - if they were too small i would borrow money from my mum i suppose)and the road in which we live isnt that great and i imagine alot of you wouldnt want to live here, i do know that with work we can move to a better area one day.

I have to say, i even feel sorry for the apparently lazy single mums who seem to play the system. I know these people exist (not just single mums) but to be fair these people probably dont have the intellectual capacity to realise that they would actually be better off, both financially and simply from a self esteem point of view if they worked. My cousin really plays the system and i get so cross about it, but when i stop judging and start thinking, i can see that she is really unable to work, she is not very bright and would actually find the most menial of jobs too much, and she has mental health issues (although these are not obvious).

So i am sorry but think before you sit there in your warm cosy houses, or even pokey little flats that you pay for with yours or your DPs hard work, that it is bad enough having to be in the position to accept state help but to have smug idiots looking down their noses at you for needing this really rubs salt into the wound.

Unless you are xenia (im not digging honestly, but you would admit yourself that your position as a SM is quite different to that of a woman with say three children under 5 with an average or even above average earning capacity) i would have thought that many single mothers cannot afford to get out of the poverty trap, as the amount they could earn may well not cover the mortgage/rent and childcare expenses. Not a good situation as the choice of either being a working mum or SAHM is really taken away from these women, and whilst i dont agree with many things xenia says, i think the option to work should be there for all women.

OK rant over, you may add to this if you wish but i dont think i have anything more to say.

OP posts:

FatBellyJones · 12/11/2007 09:34

well said!!! I could have written something very similar myself


kerala · 12/11/2007 09:50

Sorry for your predicament but calm down!

I skimmed the other thread. It didnt look to me as if people were attacking those that need benefits to support them at difficult times in their lives. Resentment is directed at those you refer to - those who play the system and assume that benefits are always there if they dont want to work. I guess it would be galling if you are working and dont have much money and yet perceive that others are not working and are able to and are getting by very well. I am not saying thats a reasonable position, but it is an understandable one.


talulasmum · 12/11/2007 10:48

im with you lem. x x


Alambil · 12/11/2007 17:09

Kerala - re-read the epic thread; we were referred to as scroungers, scum and our kids were labelled horrific things - utterly dispicable.

LEM - fabulous post

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