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AIBU to go through CMS - advice appreciated.

0 replies

Chebs · 13/04/2021 21:41

Hello all.

I left an emotionally, mentally and financially abusive relationship last year. It still confuses me to admit to, type or assign that status to myself. I finally, 12 months later, have let my guard down enough to talk to close friends about what happened in my marriage, and in doing so released some sort of anxiety demon in me. I am 7 weeks in to meds with an appointment for Someone Cares to try and come to terms with what I (and my son) have and continue to experience.

Thankfully, we are now divorced. Contact between us is limited and strained. We have a personal arrangement for CMS, but I had to justify this with a breakdown of what I would spend etc before he would commit to paying. He was most upset at the calculator's suggestion, and paid significantly less in a bid to 'help pay off his personal debts'. I put a stop to that a month ago, because I started to come out of the fog and grew a (small) backbone.

The mortgage is still in both names, but I am paying this on my own and have done since September 2020. The plan (which he is eager to put in place) is for me to refinance in my name only, but until we hit a decent LTV % to get it financed alone (bought in 2007 - little to no equity when we split, but I am working on this.)

I am still very confused and in an unhealthy place in regards to what is unreasonable/reasonable to expect from him - from payments to behaviours with our DS. I want to go through CMS to keep everything impartial and stop this last 'hold' he has over me - would I be unreasonable to do that?

I do not want to risk him coming for a slice of non existent equity to get back at me if I did - so I guess I am just wanting some honest opinions on whether I am being unreasonable in contacting CMS to get the ball rolling?

Thank you for reading and responding - and apologies for the length of this!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


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