At my wits end and feel like a bad mum

[WitsEndMum0]

I'm new here but I'm at my wits end. My son and his behaviour.

His behaviour was fine when he was younger but for the past few years it's been awful! He's now 13, he regularly gets into fights at school, swears, refuses to go to school. His behaviours the same at home aswell. At home he refuses to get off his Xbox, argues with his older cousin and hits his younger cousin (7). If I take his Xbox off him he swears at me and tries to hit me.

Today he refused to go to school again and I'm just at my wits end. I'm a single mum and his dad passed away a few years ago

Any advice will be appreciated I just feel like a bad mum

Bump

How much support has he had for his bereavement?

I'd probably approach the school's Family Liaison Officer and see what he/she says.
It would be very useful for you to ask that the SENCo and class teacher attends this meeting too as you will all be , then, able to move forward singing from the same hymn sheet.

He had counselling.

I'm just fed up of his behaviour. This morning he wouldn't get up and he kept telling me to fuck off and all day he's been playing on his Xbox.

Yesterday he went to school and he was misbehaving all day by disrupting lessons and swearing at teachers etc

Is he living with his cousins, or just you and him?

What are the school consequences for being disruptive and swearing at staff yesterday? Have you talked to him about yesterday?

It's just me and him.

The school sent him out of lessons and gave him a break and lunch time detention. If I try to speak to him about it he tells me to shut up and leave him alone etc

Talk to him, I mean really talk to him. Take away the Xbox until his behaviour improves. Take him to Nando’s when they reopen and discuss school with him. Is he having trouble with one group, find out why he’s fighting. Talk to his Year Head and try and get some background on why his behaviour has changed. It could be his hormones or grief over his father. Does he go to a mixed school or all boys. Don’t give up on him, tempting though it may be. Mum of 2 grown up sons.

He goes to a mixed school. His behaviour was fine until just before the Christmas holidays when he was in year 7 and then he started being disruptive and not doing his homework etc and his behaviour was like that until lockdown. Then at home he started swearing at me when I told him to turn his Xbox off to go for a walk or do some school work etc. His behaviour has been awful since going back in September but it's got worse in since he went back in March with getting into fights etc

That sounds like a boy who is very unhappy. Also the start of puberty is tricky anyway and harder with the loss of the same sex parent. I think this is about grief and anger. Normal punishment won’t work. He needs counselling, love and a lot of talking.