To ask for a hand hold

[Nora1978]

Had to contact the doctor today about dd age 9. I think she has OCD - she takes ages to settle down for bed every night, she’s terrified someone is going to break into the house and kill her (no idea why). I have ways of calming and distracting her but it doesn’t always work. She gets aggressive and confrontational and it’s very stressful trying to stay calm and reasonable myself when I’m shattered and she’s yelling at me.

She’s also very difficult with clothing- only a couple of certain tops/underwear because nothing else “feels right”. This also causes lots of problems and arguments.

Otherwise she enjoys a very happy, “normal” life, has friends, does well at school but I’m worried that these issues aren’t getting better and are taking their toll on her and also on dh and me. She hates the idea of talking to a stranger (experience with useless camhs two years ago) so I feel very anxious about going against her wishes but I just need help, we’ve been muddling through for a very long time and I worry I’ll let her down if I don’t.

I don’t know how to help her with this and I don’t want it affecting her forever. Just waiting for call back from doctor. Please tell me I’m doing the right thing and she’ll thank me one day.

Have you looked at autism in girls?
My niece has it and has similar issues, I can imagine how hard it is, even with a diagnosis it doesn't really make it any easier.

I have although she kind of only ticks a few of the boxes. It’s a possibility at the back of my mind definitely.

This sounds like my 9 year old. Although he is very anxious and has panic attacks too. The school have referred him to the local mental health support team (the step before CAMHS in our area) and I am also going to ask if they can assess him for sensory overload/processing disorder as noises, smells and certain textures set him off too.

You’re doing the right thing. You sound like a great mom who just wants the best for her daughter. Any kind of help with mental health issues have long waiting lists and can be difficult to access. Your daughter sounds similar to my son who has Aspergers. He had years of being pushed from pillar to post and had some good but also some bad experiences with talking therapies / counsellors as he suffered terribly with anxiety, ocd and intrusive thoughts from a very young age. He was only diagnosed at 18 after we paid for a private psychiatrist and he had almost 2 years of private counselling with a psychologist. It made such a difference to his life, he finally knew he wasn’t mad just different.
What has your doctor suggested for you?