OLD: Should I forget this match?

[Invisiblewoman1]

Firstly - I know I am over thinking here.

I was married for a long time and separated 5 years ago so I have no experience of properly using dating sites. I used them a little before the pandemic and had dates, never second dates. I just never clicked with anyone and didn’t find the experience at all enjoyable so stopped. And then covid-19 happened. So I am inexperienced. I am secure in myself, I don’t need a relationship But I would like one. I have wonderful friends and family, a fulfilling career and my own home which I’m very proud of.

So.., I matched with a guy on a site. I’ve really enjoyed talking to him, he’s kind, interesting, hard working. No sleaze. We’ve been chatting on the app for over a week, although he works full time and is renovating a house so it’s not constant messaging - which is nice as it doesn’t feel pressured. Unlike some experiences of getting messages all day long asking how my day is going.

What’s thrown me a little is, I feel excited by this guy for first time in a long time. So I told him I was enjoying chatting to him and asked if he would like to swap numbers. He said, “if it’s ok with you, I’d rather keep to the app for a while longer, I’ve had a bad experience”

Thrown me because my experience of OLD is that no ones ever said no to swapping numbers. With him being so busy it’s quite hard to get to know him on the app.

Should I forget him? I wondering if:

A) Hes genuine and has had a bad experience so doesn’t lidl giving out his number until he knows someone better
B) he doesn’t want to swap numbers as he’s not sure about me
C) he’s not really single (I doubt this option as he’s given me his Instagram page)

I will welcome any “you are being ridiculous” replies as I know I am. I’m just so knew to this and having a hard time navigating it.

Mixed messages. Means he's all over the place & it will never go anywhere. I've just had similar, chats lasting hours, then back pedalling when meeting up discussed. He was still living with the Ex , as it was her house & Covid put paid to moving out. She was seeing her business partner. I think he was still not over her tho it'd been 2 years.

I think it's fine. Many women on here would I've you the same advice. You haven't met yet, he could be awful, a crazy person, whatever. (or, more to the point, you could). It's not as simple as blocking one number if it goes wrong. There's so many ways to create new accounts, numbers etc and to change your own on absolute everything is a massive pain in the arse. Try and push for a coffee date soon now though, get this going, or not.

I think it’s fine too. I don’t swap numbers now until after meeting as I have too many experiences of men whatsapping day and night and it gets tedious.

If the number thing is the only thing bothering you then I think yabu. I now never give my number out as some people unfortunately are very strange and end up becoming a stalker I had to change my number once because one guy just wouldn’t back off! I tuned my phone on a year later with the old sim and within 1 minute he called!
Could be he has had the same experience so is now just cautious.

Don’t give up on him just yet op

Ditto, I had a bad experience with harassment when I gave my number out before meeting up so I always stuck to the app until the first date. He sounds sensible!

I'd say if there are no moves to actually meet up in person after a month of chatting then it's unlikely to go anywhere. You can spend ages chatting to someone but still not know what they are actually like so best to meet up sooner rather than later.

Thanks all, really helpful. He’s so busy I’m finding it challenging to properly get to know him on the app. Messages every other day, late at night etc. But I think it’s because what I am used to is the intense messaging all the time even when there is nothing to say which drives me mad so out of the two I do prefer this.

How long has it been? Less concerned about moving to whatsapp than whether it's moving forward - are you arranging to meet up?

Give it a few months and you will also be fed up of giving your number out easily, you'll just end up with too many numbers from connections that don't go anywhere, then just when you forget about them they start popping up out of no where again.
I think it's fine to stay on the app but if he takes too long to set a date up with you then move on.

You can always block a number if the person is annoying or whatever so I’m unsure why he’s objected. I’d be a bit concerned he’s afraid you’d put it into Facebook and find out he’s married or something.