Feeling like a needy person

[Bel2018]

I feel used by my friend.

3 weeks ago I got the I need to get fit let's go walking which I happily did because yes, same, the lock down pounds have slowly crept on and it was a great excuse to have a natter with a friend I barely see, even though she lives 5 minutes from me. Which I understand because life gets busy.

After first walk which was lovely, she says right let's make this regular. Great I think bit of exercise and a catchup, we plan 3 times weekly.

Slowly but surely the excuses start to come via text, I can only do this day. I saw my friend run past my I house one evening, I messaged to say eh up what about our walking? All I got was I'm doing couch to 5k as well. I tried telling friend, OK let's drop to 2 meets, I need continuity for family planning and basically so I know what I'm doing in my head. I don't think she really got what I was saying.

Basically I feel like a puppet, every meet up is on her terms, when she can fit me in and basically when she's got nowt better to do. We were meant to be going at weekend, got an excuse, I see on social media she been to gym tonight.

I feel really hurt, not that I live in any of my friends pockets but on this occasion I feel used.

Any thoughts?

I used to hate my friend suggesting that we go to the gym together. When I exercise it’s on my terms. I want to pick and chose a time that’s convenient to me and I’m not committed to someone else’s schedule.

Confused about your comment regarding her making an excuse at the weekend but you saw she went to the gym Monday.

If she’s ultimately a bad friend that treats you as a second option then dump her. If she’s not then just accept she can’t commit to regular walking meet ups and you carry on by yourself.

yabu. Not everyone works the same way as you. You like to plan in advance, she doesn’t. She’s not in the wrong for being different

I think it was unrealistic of you both to think you'd walk together 3x a week. Just accept this isn't going to plan and motivate yourself in a different way. People are generally annoying and say all sorts if things they don't intend to do. Aim for once a week and let it slide. She is entitled to get on with what she wants without answering to you.

Do what suits you OP, nobody else.

Good luck

Set a time that suits you and go with or without her.

Hmm, it sounds to me like she wants to take her fitness regime to the next level, whereas to you it's more of a gentle, catch-up thing (which I can definitely relate to more!).

I think she enjoyed the walk and wanted to do it more often, but then decided to join a gym when they reopened, and to try C25K too. You are happy with a walk every other day, but she's realised she's ready to do something more. I can understand that it's irritating for you, because it works for you and you enjoy it, but I wouldn't take it personally.

I'd carry on doing the walks, message her to let her know when you're going if you don't mind her joining, but carry on regardless if she can't make it.

I think you need to carry on with your fitness by yourself. She sounds like she is wanting to up her game fitness wise. Nothing wrong with that.

I get everything that has been said but to me it comes down to manners, if you initiate plans and can't forful them just be upfront and say instead of making excuses.
I'll carry on doing my own thing.