Will the mum stay?

[Stillgardeningatthishour]

I’m a teacher but for the last few years have been at home with my toddler son. I met up with some new mum friends and one was looking for a nanny/sitter/childminder for her son a few days per week. We met and had a chat and have agreed on days and times he’ll come to me. She said for the first visit (tomorrow) it’s better to come only for an hour or two, so he can get used to the new environment, I agree.
Would you take this as she’s dropping him off at the house and leaving, to see how he goes, or coming and staying with him?
I have no coffee or biscuits/cakes in and wondering if I need to make a very early morning dash to the shops!
Would you leave your toddler Ds the first time like that? Or do you think she’s planning on staying the whole time to be around him?
‘I’m aware I can just ask her, but seems a bit rude or just not going with the flow really.

*Sort bits out for everyone

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Wait..what?! I could eat a whole pack..in one go..now 😩

[quote Stillgardeningatthishour]@BeingATwatItsABingThing Great name 🤣[/quote]
Thanks!

@underneaththeash

Yes - I did mean for money! OP I’d get the biscuits in, she’d most likely stay for a bit.

Phew! I was confused

Wait... Jaffa cakes are international....?

They have always seemed so British.

I would expect her to stay for a bit then leave for a bit, but it's about the child getting to know you so it would be fine/good to focus on interacting with her child rather than catering.

@FeelinHappy 🤣 British/overseas shops/outlets-you can get almost anything

I'm actually doing something similar tomorrow as my DS starts childcare one day a week. The nursery recommended this:

Tuesday: 1 hr with me
Wednesday: 1 hr dropped off
Thursday: 2 hours dropped off, nap there
Friday: the real deal

It sounds as if you need to establish some ground rules; not just about initial visit. Are you expected to cater for her child? Just snacks? Or proper meals? Have you included the cost of any food going forwards?

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy I asked her all that during our messages, he’s only staying for a few hours but does go into my Ds’s normal lunch time, so I offered to provide food if needed or if she wanted to bring specific food I said I’d be happy with that too, She said about his milk late morning and nap times and said we could discuss further when we talk 🤷🏻‍♀️

@FeelinHappy Grown up with them in Scandi-land! Lost my marbles when I came to the UK and saw that you did gigantic tubes of them for Christmas

[quote Stillgardeningatthishour]@FeelinHappy 🤣 British/overseas shops/outlets-you can get almost anything[/quote]
Sure, you can get anything anywhere these days up to a point, but still surprising as a staple buy in an emergency dash out to the nearest corner shop.

@FeelinHappy Not really, 10 min drive, many many English products here, I’m in a very British/international area in Europe. Don’t really have corner shops in the same way, but lots of supermarkets and smaller supermarkets within a quick drive 👍

You’re going to have to develop a much more direct way of communicating with her if this is going to work. If you’re worrying and second guessing already, it doesn’t sound like this arrangement is going to work for you, you’re going to be very stressed! Just ask the question.

Do what my sons nursery did to me and shoo her out after a few minutes and say 'let's see how he gets on without you here!' You might never get rid of her if you don't do this, I'd have sat the whole session

I genuinely don’t think this is a rude question to ask. It’s kind of fundamental in how you prepare your new charge for his first day with you.

You need to know exactly what she’s planning to do -

1. Drop and run
2. Stay for a while and then leave
3. Stay for the entire time

The feedback on this threads is tits on a bull. A mix of all three, so zero use to you at all.

You need to know in advance if she’s going to drop right away, or maybe later, so that you don’t have to have the conversation in front of the child, and so that you can think ahead about how you’ll deal with goodbyes.

Goodbyes are A Thing for toddlers - that’s the entire reason you’re having this practice run tomorrow.

I would call her - not text - and just say you’re really looking forward to seeing little Tarquin tomorrow, is she planning to leave, stay or both so that you can have the appropriate strategies up your sleeve, and is there anything he doesn’t eat, etc?

You won’t sound rude, you’ll sound competent.

FeelinHappy I live in Germany and they're a normal thing here, not seen as British - actual Jaffa cakes or supermarket own brands usually called something like soft cakes. Honbobs, borbons, custard creams, rich tea biscuits, jammy dodgers are all completely unheard of, but Jaffa cakes aren't uniquely British.

Stillgardeningatthishour unless the toddler knows you and your house well already she'll stay the first time, and depending how well the child settles probably stay until he moves away from her and starts playing (or she hands him to you and you manage to distract/ settle him on your lap if he's a bit clingy) the second time.

When I was trying to find a childminder for my son many, many years ago, I left him for 2 hours with one! [She was LOVELY and we are still in touch!] She insisted I did this and that I went shopping somewhere...
I did but was so worried all the time! I bought a box of M&S biscuits for HER! Of course, DS was perfectly fine when I went back to collect him!

You need to take the lead and say what you want to happen.

Oh how lovely to see you.
I suggest you come in for 20 minutes while he settles and then pop out and return in an hour. I'll call you if there's an issue.
Is that OK?

or whatever you want to happen.

I imagine that she might stay for the a while to start with. Do you not have any tea in either? Where I live the kettle goes on for tea or coffee the moment a visitor arrives at the house - at my house, and the house of everyone I know. We are a hospitable lot

[quote Stillgardeningatthishour]@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants Wait..what?! I could eat a whole pack..in one go..now 😩[/quote]
No I'd be rethinking my ability to judge a persons good character if you brought Jaffa cakes out. Bleurgh 🤮

Stick with decent coffee

Hope your morning goes well.

Had you intended to do childminding rather than go back to teaching?

@RampantIvy I have mint tea and lots of herbal ones (not drank coffee for a year, although miss if so much!)

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants No Jaffa cakes, went with shortbread and small fancy cakes. I’m open to doing any bits that fit around my toddler really at present, I’ve nannied before for years and worked as a nursery nurse and nursery manager etc. I’m not sure if I’d ever want to return to full time teaching tbh 🤔

Well, she stayed the whole time, which was fine and very relaxed and she had cake and coffee 🤣(went out early this morn) next time, no mum. All went well and her Ds was pretty happy all round

Good update. You sound lovely. I hope the childminding goes well.

@RampantIvybThank you!