Backstory:
MIL has traits of a covert narcissist. My husband reduced contact with her ever since her abusive behaviour ramped up when we had children. If we didn't do everything completely her way she would stop talking to us and bad mouth us to the family. It's like she couldn't cope with not being completely in charge. My husband noticed that she never asked about us, or the children, and didn't appear to care about any of our welfare or what we needed. She just wanted us to fulfil her needs without giving us any kindness or support in return.
It really affected DH mental health so he spoke to a counsellor who advised he set more boundaries and reduced contact slightly to reduce her controlling behaviour. He stopped doing everything she wanted, and tried to do more on his own terms. This did not go down well and she ended up bad mouthing him to all of his family and trying to get them to cut him off. It worked for two of his siblings, and the one that stood by him has been cut off too. It's really sad to witness a family splitting in two when there hadn't been a big reason for it. His parents then moved 3 hours away to start a new life (in their 70s). She told everyone it was because of him. It's been an insane few years...
Anyway...
Since they moved away we have barely seen them. They don't get in touch and my husband rarely contacts them either. The only contact we have is big presents at birthdays and Christmas. I wanted to ask your thoughts on the way she goes about that. She always sends gifts about a month before the event, and it comes with an elaborate message about delivery of the gift. My husband gets so angry about it as it's really long messages going on about the gifts and the delivery of them, but no attempt at conversation like to tell him anything or ask how he is doing. The messages sound cold and bizarre, and there is no substance to them and no suggestion that she wants a response either, it's hard to reply to them. She also adds that the siblings that cut us off contributed to the gift. He keeps saying "what is behind these messages?!" and I don't get it either.
My husband has reached out to her very occasionally- for example to inform them we were expecting, she just replies with a very short "congratulations". Not asking anything else or even using as an opportunity to ask questions or start building a relationship.
On any day of the week, my husband would prefer to have a straightforward, loving relationship with his parents (and the siblings) built on mutual respect, over the silent treatment aside from random gifts weeks before big events.
Can anyone offer any explanation as to why she does this? I thought perhaps she is hoovering or love bombing (not that I really understand much about this so may be barking up the wrong tree). I've never experienced such a weird relationship so don't know how to help him handle it, but it really affects him.
I would appreciate any advice you can offer us.