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Original poster

To think I can tell who I like?

28 replies

melononapear · 12/04/2021 20:10

So I recently found out from my ex's mum that my ex's now gf is pregnant and from the dates it seems that it happened almost immediately after we broke up. He asked her to tell me because he didn't want to tell me himself. This happened a few weeks ago.

She's now contacted me to ask me not to say anything to anyone about it but didn't mention anything at the time about not telling anyone. Thing is, I was really down about it a few days after finding out so I have already talked to my friend about it.

Aibu to think I was/am perfectly entitled to talk to anyone I want to and get some support for myself? I'm not trying to be a bitch about it or anything but I was upset and I needed someone to talk through it with, it wasn't intended maliciously at all.

OP posts:
Allwokedup · 12/04/2021 20:15

I wouldn’t announce on Facebook but talking to a close friend is fine. Do you have kids with him? Why is he telling you at all? Seems a bit cruel.

FatAnneTheDealer · 12/04/2021 20:17

You didn’t make any promises and there were no restrictions on the information when you were told. Tell anyone you like.

Chocobo11 · 12/04/2021 20:18

Why did they need to inform you that? Just to upset you?

1Morewineplease · 12/04/2021 20:20

Tell anyone you like.

StoneofDestiny · 12/04/2021 20:22

He was too late telling you not to say anything - his problem.

HeddaGarbled · 12/04/2021 20:22

It was better OP heard it from family, rather than randomly, IMO.

However, OP, it was totally natural and OK that you talked to your friend.

Hope you’re OK 💐

Original poster
melononapear · 12/04/2021 20:23

I don't have any kids with him, we were only together for a year although it turns out he cheated on me our whole relationship with said girl.

I asked the same question, why would he care if I know?! Honestly I have no idea why he bothered telling me at all but I can only guess that he thinks I'll be more hurt if I find out any other way? We do have mutual friends in RL and on SM so I'm assuming he thinks one of them would have eventually told me. Which is probably true and would have hurt me more.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 12/04/2021 20:24

You weren't unreasonable to tell your mate.

Now you've been asked not to say anything you would be very unreasonable to tell anyone else. There could potentially be any number of problems that means they wish to keep it as much to themselves as possible.

If you need to talk anymore then talk to the original friend you told.

Original poster
melononapear · 12/04/2021 20:37

I wasn't planning on telling anyone else, tbh I don't have many friends 😂

I've got it off my chest with my friend now so there's no need for me for talk about it any more!

OP posts:
LDom · 12/04/2021 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Boom45 · 12/04/2021 20:45

Even if you'd been asked not to tell anyone at the time I don't think its unreasonable to tell a close friend in these circumstances tbh. You are entitled to get some emotional support and its not like a pregnancy can stay secret for long is it? Gets pretty obvious eventually

expectopelargonium · 12/04/2021 20:48

@melononapear

I don't have any kids with him, we were only together for a year although it turns out he cheated on me our whole relationship with said girl.

I asked the same question, why would he care if I know?! Honestly I have no idea why he bothered telling me at all but I can only guess that he thinks I'll be more hurt if I find out any other way? We do have mutual friends in RL and on SM so I'm assuming he thinks one of them would have eventually told me. Which is probably true and would have hurt me more.

Look at it this way. He was also cheating on her the whole time he was having a relationship with you. You're well rid of him.
PicsInRed · 12/04/2021 21:04

You owe them less than nothing.

Yay, no kids with him! You're free of him forever. 🎉

ImAlrightThanx · 12/04/2021 21:08

I wouldn't announce it to the world, but I think you can tell your own friends for support.

But honestly... you sound better off out of it. Try to forget them and move on, easier said than done I know!

getyourfreakon · 12/04/2021 21:47

I thought this was going to be a post saying that you already had a kid by him. You're free and clear of the bastard! You were fine talking to your friend about it. He's in the past. Leave him there.

DinoHat · 12/04/2021 21:49

Why are you all still talking?

Tlollj · 12/04/2021 21:49

This is why you don’t stay in contact with an ex or his mother. He’s an ex for a reason.

GladysTheGroovyMule · 12/04/2021 21:53

You’ve done nothing wrong by talking to your friend, you don’t owe your ex anything. He’s a cunt anyway, cheating on you and really her too. Count yourself lucky that you’ve not been saddled with his baby and can move on from him without ever dealing with him again. She’s stuck with him for life one way or another. You’re definitely the winner here.

Original poster
melononapear · 12/04/2021 22:10

I have already blocked and deleted him so he can't contact me at all. I have no interest in what he's doing with his life now, I genuinely don't care. I know he's cheated on her with other people too, so he's not exactly a catch. I'm a million percent better off! I actually feel quite sorry for her, I think she has a horrible shock coming.

I stayed in touch with his mum because she's a lovely lady who has always been very kind to me. She feels terrible for the way he has behaved and fwiw I feel bad for her too as she's clearly very upset about the whole situation.

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 12/04/2021 22:15

Why does she think you owe her anything?

I'd niw be tempted to plaster it all over Facebook etc. They were cheating, she's trying to save face & hope people don't put the dates together if she leaves it a while to announce it.

Tough.

DontBeRidiculous · 12/04/2021 22:44

If they didn't want anyone else to know, they should have asked right away, but tbh, I don't think you owe anyone involved your total silence on the subject. I would've discussed it with my friend even if they had asked for privacy. I wouldn't broadcast it, mainly because I wouldn't care to do so, but it's quite presumptuous of him (and her) to think they can tell you to keep it a secret.

Changingwiththetimes · 12/04/2021 22:46

You can tell who you like.

Trixie78 · 12/04/2021 22:52

You can discuss YOUR life and what's going on in it with anyone you like. You're under no obligation to lie about what a cheating bastard he is because he doesn't want people to know what he's really like.

Original poster
melononapear · 13/04/2021 18:38

I had absolutely no intention to announce it publicly, like I said I really don't care what he's doing. I don't care if everyone knows or no one does, I'm just trying to move on with my life and put it behind me. I just felt a little out of sorts that they felt I couldn't/shouldn't talk about it with my friend. They knew I would be upset about it and I don't owe him anything anymore so why shouldn't I?!

OP posts:
normalsaline · 13/04/2021 18:52

I assumed you had a child together so obviously his new child would affect your life in some way but you have no ties to him, why even give this headspace?! Move on! He certainly has

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