Teen son being secretive

[UndertheCedartree]

My 13yo (almost 14) was packing yesterday as he was staying with his best friend at their caravan next week. Anyway I was helping him take his bags downstairs - there was a bag I thought he hadn't used for packing but it looked very full so I opened it to see if it had his clothes in. On opening I saw a floral pattern and in the moment thought it was an item of his sister's clothing and took it out as it shouldn't have been in there. But it turned out to be a women's dress. So I put it back in there and closed the bag. I then came downstairs and explained to my son why I'd looked in the bag and asked him pleasantly "what were all those clothes in there?'. He looked very uncomfortable and seemed to not know what to say and then said something very vague like they belong to a friend. He then went upstairs and later when I was in the room I saw he had 'hidden' the bag in his wardrobe. It wasn't well hidden - I didn't search for it - when I went to close the wardrobe doors I saw it on a shelf with a hoodie over it.

I'm really stuck on if I should do something or just leave it. Of course he is of the age where he should be given privacy. But I thought I'd brought him up to be able to tell me anything but obviously that's not the case. I just feel worried about why he is being secretive with me and if he can't talk to me about something as little as some clothes what else will he keep secret from me? He is my eldest so this is my first experience of teen behaviour and I'd appreciate some advice! Should I just leave it or try to have a chat to him about it?
YABU - just leave it
YANBU - try to have a chat about it

@joystir59 - yes, I know! It's not the item I'm worried about just the secrecy. But as others have said he has a right to his privacy and the fact it is normal for a teen to keep things from his mum makes me feel better!

Why are mothers always looking through their teenage children's possessions? And reading letters, checking phones etc?

Because they are 13? Because letters/parcels etc can be just as damaging as online problems? Because teens should know there is an adult looking out for them? Because sometimes teens can't get themselves out of a situation they find themselves in? Because they can't always talk to their parents? So many reasons.

There's a balance to be had for sure, but never checking on a teenager is, IMO, just as bad as always checking on them. If my boys received a parcel or letter between the ages of 12-15 they almost always opened it with us present, or I would ask who it was from/what was it. I spot checked their phones and internet use for a while and had conversations about their friends and activities. If they had become secretive or showed other behavioural changes I absolutely would have checked their rooms.

Well, there could be an innocent explanation. But the fact that he acted uncomfortable would point more towards some sort of experimenting ie dressing up,

Just what exactly would he be ‘guilty’ of?

@Blankspace101

Well, there could be an innocent explanation. But the fact that he acted uncomfortable would point more towards some sort of experimenting ie dressing up,

Just what exactly would he be ‘guilty’ of?

Don't twist my words. You know full well what I meant. I've made it quite clear on my posts that if the lad is experimenting with cross dressing or similar that that is nothing to be ashamed or guilty of- honestly, people like you really piss me off. Get lost.

@goodbyeyellowbrick

He probably stole it for a girl he likes or something. I doubt he's dressing up in it.

Oh, so he's doing something bad instead of something completely innocent then? Phew.

As you said OP, it would just make him uncomfortable. I understand you want him to know you would be fine with whatever it is but I think just letting him know you love him and always will is good enough

Thanks, @JesusIsAnyNameFree