to think I can foster when I work full-time

[postitgirl]

I've gone anon for this, but with my kids getting older and less needy of my time I've been looking for something to 'do', like volunteering, or something, and I came across fostering. Am I mad to think I could do it. I work full-time, but am wfh atm, and when we 'go back' they are saying we will be allowed to wfh 2-3 days a week, which would help with time spent commuting. I suppose I'm looking for anyone who is experienced. I was thinking of a primary school age child. My youngest is 13. I was all for it, but am thinking of all the negatives now - like how will my own kids feel, they are 17 and 13. They dont need me so much any more, time-wise, obviously they 'need' me of course. I just feel like I have a lot of spare time and I miss little children so much, I just love them. I don't have rose-coloured specs on, I've done a load of research, and tbh am feeling quite scared about it all. Maybe I'm stupid to think I could even do it. Grateful for anyone who is a foster parent - if you wanted to , you could pm me. I've started the application process.

There is a Fostering board (under Becoming a Parent).

No. Most fostered children have higher needs and need more support either emotionally educationally or physically.
It's difficult enough working ft with your own children when they don't need extra support.
I process pay for f. C and none of them do other work.

@postitgirl

thanks for the reality check everyone. do they ever need people to look after children just at weekends or holidays. then again is that fair to my own children. but then again I hardly see my own kids any more!!! they are always in their rooms or with friends etc. I feel like I have a load of spare time and I wanted to do something useful, meaningful. I hvae loads of hobbies already. I mean I'm 50 but feel like life is still long iukwim

I think you can do short term respite care for disabled children (eg the odd weekend or overnight). This might work better with your family and work life. Respite is an absolute lifeline for families with disabled DC: www.barnardos.org.uk/what-we-do/protecting-children/short-break-care

No. You'd get away with a part time job WFH but not full time.
They need a LOT of extra care, meetings etc.

Is there a Shared Lives service in your area? In mine people (18+) who have disabilities are 'fostered' with families - I understand it was started as a way for long term foster placements to continue post 18.

Now they have expanded and some families offer respite on evenings and weekends to disabled adults who otherwise live at home.

Something like the YMCA supported lodgings or nightstop schemes might work better for you OP? It varies according to area, but it might provide you with doing something rewarding that won't take up so much time as it's for 16-25 year olds (mostly) who already have a support team in place, and need either a temporary place to stay or a stable 18 months or so as a lodger. I'm considering doing supported lodgings once my DC have left home. I think fostering may be too demanding/disruptive for your home life as things are.

As previous posters have said, you wouldn't be approved foster if working full time, however you could look into short break care, supported lodgings or shared lives?
Supported lodgings is providing a home for a teenager (16-25) as they're learning to be independent - they're usually moving on from the care system and still want/need some support but not as intense. Shared lives is a scheme where you have an adult with a long term disability (usually a learning disability) live with you, again providing some support but really just sharing 'family life' with someone.

The other option could be to look into what income you'd receive for fostering and whether you could work part time? I do have a foster carer on my books who is a single carer and works five morning's a week.

Why don't you do babysitting? You could do in whenever you want to and spend time with your own children the rest of the time.

I’ve wanted to foster for years as I only had one child and suffered tremendously with PND which was mostly why we couldn’t have another.

My husband and daughter got to the interview point and it became apparent they were only doing it appease me.

They had made all the right noises but when push came to shove, they didn’t want to do it and it broke my heart. It was like look what could you had have won. Then it was whipped away.

They keep telling me wait 4 years and we will be ready but I think you need to be a certain person with full backing. Don’t go out into it without full support because it’s cruel.

And by the way, you are an incredible person for doing it x

You sound so lovely!

Homestart volunteering might be worth a look?

My mum has been a foster carer for over 20 years and there is no way she could do it along with working. She has so many meetings, contact, reviews etc. She is called by one of their schools at least once a week to collect for bad behaviour or illness etc so that's also worth bearing in mind. Lots of fostered children have complex needs due to what they have been through so she is quite often at home caring for them while they are suspended. Even if you didn't work full-time, I'd honestly wait until your children are a little older and enjoy these last few years with them living at home. I remember growing up and the foster children would always come on holidays with us, even then I thought it was really sad when other foster families would go away together and send the foster children off to respite. My mum has always treated the foster children the same as her own children which I think is really important for them feeling part of the family, but think how your children would react to this and losing out on your family time. There were definitely times when I would get jealous and wanted my mum to myself.
I do supported lodgings which I easily manage around a full time job. There's still a lot of training and we had to go to panel to be approved, but it's a good stepping stone into fostering. It's a bit like having a lodger but we are also there for emotional support and give guidance where necessary.
Fostering can be such a rewarding experience and it's great you want to do it, but there's so much to it.

Tofly you have a husband I’m sure that helps - Op is alone and that will make it hard

@postitgirl

It would be very unlikely you would get approved to foster if you work full time. I had to give up my job to foster, it's not just school the children have many appointments, lac medical, lac reviews, Sw visits, court Gardian visits, psychologist visits, cahms appointments and if police are involved they can visit sometimes too. Honestly some days I just don't stop!

Yes they do have repute carers which is something you may wish to look into, alternatively if you aren't put off by teenagers there is supported lodgings too x

@Toflyornottofly it isn't about being being determined - in our area single foster carers working full time wouldn't be approved. We wouldn't place children with them, reducing hours would be a condition. I've never come across an agency single carer in FT work or with two carers working full time. We'd expect fostering to be someone's full time job.

You could look into respite care for DC with extra needs? I'm not sure what qualifications you'd need but it's desperately wanted by many families.

I understand what you're saying, but the 'rigid way of thinking' is the interpretation of fostering regulations which we're legally bound to. I wouldn't want to work for an authority that stretched the regs in that way, that doesn't sit comfortably with me. In my own experience having a child placed with two carers who work 1.5 roles has been difficult to meet the care plan and the childs needs. I'm sorry but I'd also be questioning the motivation for fostering in those circs - if it's for the love of the job then no, because the child needs to come before the job. If it's financial need (totally understandable) then again, the job will end up coming first, and as my placements are long term I need homes for children where the finances are more secure. I appreciate it has worked for you and perhaps you're an exception who've made it work well, but it's not a precedent if be seeking.

Fostering is hard. It's not really something you should do because you feel you want to be needed.

I've been reading loads and looking at blogs and vlogs and I really want to foster but I think working full time it won't be practical. I'm in touch with 2 places though and both said they are looking for respite carers for weekends/ holidays. I usually take time off during the holidays anyway so that could be a possibility. I wish I had a husband who worked and then I could do what I want lol. I did come across one woman who was single and was able to give up work to foster but I don't know if that would be possible for me, I think I'd be too scared to give up the security of a good job wrt my own children. Thanks for all the replies

My DDs are adopted, and I couldn't work full time and meet their needs (single parent). Respect to anyone who could, but I couldn't. Not because of meetings etc, though that was part of it, but the sheer exhaustion. Nearly a decade in and I have been able to work full time again.

Everyone has their own limitations. I think the physical and emotional pressure of traumatised children is too much for most people to deal with and work full time. Respect to those who can, but that is not the norm.

I used to foster. It's incredibly demanding especially emotionally. I had a partner and worked part time, it was still very very difficult. Very rewarding but you need to be really resilliant.