To think this is not fair?

[bobbinsbay]

So as everyone is aware, the beer gardens are open today. When the date was announced I said to DP that it would be lovely to take the children out for tea. He could have a couple of drink and it could be a bit of normality for us. He said no, it'd be too busy etc which I did agree with as yes, it probably would be and I left it.

Well today has come, he has a couple of days off work and has dropped hints all morning about him going to a beer garden, I haven't reacted and just brushed it off. Now he has said a friend has messaged asking him to go for pints with him and he wants to go.

I've explained that it isn't very fair, he didn't want us to go with the kids as it'll be too busy but it isn't too busy for him to sit there for a couple of hours with a friend.

He's not in a mood with me, claiming I'm stopping him from going out. I'm absolutely not, I've told him I wouldn't stop him but I want him to know that if he does go it would be incredibly unfair after previously saying no to plans I suggested.

AIBU to this this is a bit shit of him? I'm happy to accept it if I am being unreasonable it's not even that much of a big deal. Thanks

He should have just been honest and said he didn’t want to spend the afternoon out with his children.

Bit double standards but a few drinks with adults is very different than eating outdoors with children in this weather. It’s freezing and I can’t see any pleasure in that or drinking tbh.

Unfair simply on the grounds that you both wanted to go to the pub, but he is expecting you to look after the children while he goes.

If it's agreed taking the children on the busy first night is a bad idea, the fairest thing would be to toss a coin for which one of you gets to go out with your friends.

If you’re talking young kids then YABU as there’s a world of difference - I wouldn’t take young children at the moment when it could be busy, hard to keep the children sat down and maintaining social distancing etc.

If they’re older and would reliably sit at a picnic table and not run around then yeah, YANBU.

But it’s so different: going to the pub with the kids (not exactly “fun” , depending on age) abd going with a mate (fun, relaxed)

It’s not now or never is it? You can go as a family tomorrow or day after or any other time this week?

But it’s so different: going to the pub with the kids (not exactly “fun” , depending on age) abd going with a mate (fun, relaxed)

If he had been upfront and said this at the time then fair enough, but he didn’t. He made up an excuse about it being too busy to go.

I get that he wants to go with a friend rather than the kids. But it’s not really fair to you, this means in the end he got to go out and have fun after a shit year and you’re still stuck at home..

Personally, this wouldn't bother me. I can see it's completely different meeting up with a mate for a quick pint, someone he hasn't probably seen much of, vs going out with kids for dinner when it's busy.

@LDom

Is tea served in beer gardens? I honestly don't know, haven't been in one for years.

It's possible your husband's friend just wanted a drink with him. You can both take your children there some time, maybe for lunch, now they are open again. Bit cold though!

I presume you’re puzzled because you’re thinking of the drink tea. A large proportion of the population use ‘tea’ to refer to their evening meal

Op, did he ask if you would babysit or did he just expect you to... 🤔 ?

Meh. I wouldn’t choose to take my kids to the pub specifically. Depends on their ages of course but I wouldn’t begrudge my dh for wanting to have a pint down the pub with a friend after so long.

Nah I couldn’t get excited about this. I have spent time drinking Prosecco in friends’ gardens recently while my husbands had the kids. Much as I love my family, I have been working from home with my husband since last March and we have had no one to take the kids off our hands to give us a break. You’re damn fucking right I’ve needed to get out of here on my own for a few hours lately.

As long as you get a chance to go out too, I couldn’t get excited.

I would be pushing him out the door with a big smile and planning my turn! I would also think this would not be a great plan with children. You are not being unreasonable, it's annoying, sure. But I think the world is a nicer place if you support each other in having time with friends.

Instead of both of you having a moderate time. He wants you having a crap time and him having a good time.

That's hard to swallow.

I doubt it’s that deep to be fair. It’s thoughtless but we can all be guilty of that.

Suggest to him that you meet a friend at a beer garden while he stays at home with the kids. See if he thinks that's fair.

This wouldn't bother me - it is different going to a pub with your friend for a few drinks. And is too cold to sit out with children where I am.

I wouldn't be impressed with sulking though

Sorry OP, I disagree. Beer garden with children is not the same as meeting a friend for a drink! Let him have fun & make sure you do the same!