To report this to the school?

[biomimicry]

I've namechanged for this

Dd is 14 and in year 9. She's friends with a boy in year 10. Last week they went out together.

On Saturday some boys out of her friends year made a rumour up that they had sex. Dd then told me that his girlfriend messaged her saying she knew dd always had a crush on him and told her to stop messaging him and to stay away from him 'or else'.

Would you report this to the school?

@biomimicry

I've namechanged for this

Dd is 14 and in year 9. She's friends with a boy in year 10. Last week they went out together.

On Saturday some boys out of her friends year made a rumour up that they had sex. Dd then told me that his girlfriend messaged her saying she knew dd always had a crush on him and told her to stop messaging him and to stay away from him 'or else'.

Would you report this to the school?

Can I ask @biomimicry what would you like the outcome to be here? What is your expectation of what the school will do in this specific example?

As a teacher, I would want to know. This will spill over in school and it's really hard to ensure everyone is safe if there's something like this going on that we don't know about. Kids are experts at subtle harassment so it's helpful to know who to watch.

If the message was sent during school time then yes.

Otherwise no.

I wouldn't, I'm not sure they can ever stop teens from talking and starting rumours, it happens probably with every young couple in the school. If your daughter is seriously worried about a threat from the other girl could she see a support teacher in her year?

OP, my daughters school has a really great student support service so if the school has similar please speak to them and they will advice. This is a threat and bullying. It is not good for your daughters wellbeing and school where she is supposed the feel safe.

I am not sure about reporting. But if the boy hasn't told his friends and girlfriend that they did not have sex and are merely good friends then he is not a very good friend.

Yes, I would tell the school if another child was threatening my dc, so they are at least aware.

I would let the school know.

I wonder how many of the people saying it didn’t happen at school so doesn’t concern the school thought that the Everyone’s invited website shouldn’t mention the school names? Many of those incidents didn’t happen at school and yet the press and I assume the public at large is delighted to name schools and criticise them.

Boys spreading rumours about a girl having sex with someone isn’t ok. Other girls threatening a girl because they don’t trust a friendship isn’t ok. Maybe reporting to the school when they are 13/14/15 might mean the school can try to work on their PSHE teaching and help these children so they don’t become the next wave of anonymous reports.

Yes I'd report it to the school rumours of a sexual nature are really embarrassing and I'd even call it sexual harassment.
I might not want any naming and shaming but I think it would be a good discussion point in PSHE about starting rumours like this and also to explore why the girl always comes off worse than the boy when stories like this are spread about. Kids do this sort of thing and I think they need help understanding exactly what it is they are doing from all angles of the experience

I would mention the girlfriend's actions for reference as heads of year often like to know about this sort of thing.
In terms of there being some rumours, I'm not sure that's necessarily something to report as teenagers are always gossiping and I wouldn't expect school to be involved every time there's gossip.

Is the girlfriend in the same school? If so, you or your daughter should definitely report this as issuing threats to other pupils is clearly a disciplinary offence.

Our school would definitely prefer to know. Like PP they're good with pastoral care and bullying - which this could turn into

What does your dd think? Has she mentioned whether this is something she feels you need to intervene with, or is this one of those things that she can manage with you supporting in the background.

And it shouldn't matter whether the message was sent during school time anyway. DD school has a super strict no phone during school time policy anyway. Regardless of when it happens, the school needs to know.

Thank you for your replies

When dd got home she told me that he broke up with his girlfriend and that her friends told dd that she ruined their relationship and calling her a slag etc. She also told me that boys in her year etc were talking about dd.