Am I handling fussy eater the right way?

[Chickandlamb]

DS is 4 and the list of food he will eat gets smaller by the day. I am continuing to serve meals that the rest of us eat and not commenting on DS' pickiness. Last night he had plain boiled rice and naan bread (ignoring the Lentil Curry I had made). Tonight we are having fish fingers, sweet potato wedges and corn on the cob. I know he will only eat the fish fingers. Is this ok or should I be finding other options for him? He will eat a healthier breakfast/ lunch.

I don't know the correct answer, but my dd is similar, and I would go ahead with what you've cooked but also serve a small amount of another food (eg mash or veg that he will eat), so that there is enough food on his plate that he will enjoy and still had opportunity to try the other food.

When I've been 'strict' and not given alternatives, I always end up feeding her something extra after dinner as I feel bad.

I had (have) a fussy eater and I always give them what they liked once it wasn't utter junk. I also gave them what we were eating too so there was a bit of a choice.
My dc would literally have actually starved themselves rather than eat something they didn't like and was borderline / underweight as a small child so I didn't mess with it or make battles over it.
I just put what they liked (that day) on the plate and said very little one way or the other.

I silently monitored how much was eaten and always offered more food an hour later if dinner wasn't a success. Things like brown bread toast, real butter, cheese or banana, hot chocolate with organic full fat milk, creamed rice etc - things that had calories basically.

They're in the teens now and still utterly unmotivated by food and still on the very slight / slim side of things but it's definitely improved vastly from the toddler years!

My toddler ( he’s now 32) wouldn’t eat anything except tomatoes and sausages. I went mental with food war, in the end I just let him eat what he wanted. A doctor told me that his son would eat nothing except wot sits crisps, and he will grow out of it. My son now eats everything of course. So just go with it.

I also remember my son coming home from school one day and telling me how he loved the school macaroni cheese. I thought he hated anything with white sauce.. but he wanted me to make macaroni cheese the way the school did it ( rubbery and tough) 😅

Continuing to offer a range of foods but not making a fuss about it is a really good strategy, especially if he eats plenty at breakfast and lunch.

This website's quite good I think

infantandtoddlerforum.org/toddlers-to-preschool/fussy-eating/

Does he have sensory issues. My ds was like this but started around 2. He ate like this and it just got worse.

One of my daughters lived on plain carbs, apples and bananas for a couple of years. Thankfully she ears normally now she is an adult so I wouldnt worry too much. Make sure they have vitamin supplements and calcium from milk, yoghurt etc.

Have you got a fussy eater or does he have ARFID?
Google it and see if it rings bells.
Because the direction you take will be pretty different.
There's a fb page for parents of kids with ARFID. Probably more helpful than here tbh in deciding which tack to take.

Let him help you make lunch and dinner.

There’s something about them helping you which makes them less fussy.

It only occurred to me a month ago and it’s really had a positive impact on their fussy ness.

Prepare to get messy. Something which usually takes 20 mins may take a bit longer but once they’re open to eating different food after cooking them you can add that to the list of things they will eat.

He just seems to like plain carby type food at dinnertime. He will happily eat fruit & dairy (but not meat) earlier in the day just not in the evenings. He eats plenty of carrot/ cucumber sticks but no other veg. It is infuriating tbh.

My son (3) is like this. He will pretty much eat anything beige and bland but won’t have any sauces or anything. The only sandwich filling he will eat is peanut butter so even lunches are getting very samey but luckily he eats lots of fruit and a very limited amount of veg. Last night we had spag bol and he had a bit of plain spaghetti and garlic bread.. it’s frustrating because his meals look so plain but I’m hoping it’s something he will grow out of. I stopped preparing separate meals for him because I think it just encouraged his fussiness. Now I just ensure there is something he will eat included in our family meal and leave it at that. Occasionally he will try something new that I sneak on to his plate but it's usually met with "yuck" 🙄

I think your child eats pretty well He eats carrots and cucumber as well as fruit, and eats a good breakfast and lunch but mainly wants carbohydrate foods at dinner time. That sounds OK to me!

At age four our son's only fruit/salad/veg was bananas. The only meat/fish he ate was plain chicken breast, and only occasionally. His total foods list was about twenty items. But because he ate some carbohydrates, some fats and some protein (peanut butter was a big help here) and took a multivitamin the HV had no worries and said he would grow out of it (his growth and development was always fine). His dad was worse at the same age apparently and eats everything now.

A good book is My Child Won't Eat by Carlos Gonzalez (a paediatrician). But it sound like you're doing the right thing, offering a variety with no pressure.

@Chickandlamb

He just seems to like plain carby type food at dinnertime. He will happily eat fruit & dairy (but not meat) earlier in the day just not in the evenings. He eats plenty of carrot/ cucumber sticks but no other veg. It is infuriating tbh.

That doesn't sound too bad. Some veg, fruit and dairy. Those are healthy options. He doesn't need meat, plenty of healthy vegetarians around.

Chickandlamb

I feel your pain.

One strategy i have implemented with my fusspot since she was 5 and it still works now (she ll be 11 soon and still fussy) is to involve her in the weekly meal planning and cooking at the week end.

She chooses a few meals in the condition that they involve veg and proteine and she is in charge of cooking (with me of course but is the kitchen leader) at the week end.

It is exhausting but very rewarding. She now accepts that she doesnt like everything but has to eat it to be healthy; and has now decided to be a vegetarian. She has then done extensive researxh to make sure she knows where to find all the nutrients she needs.

Good luck

When my youngest was 4 he would only eat beige food, plain meat, salmon, peas, sweetcorn, pasta sauce (sometimes) and cheese and fruit.

I was patient with him, always gave him extra little bits of more adventurous foods but never made a big deal of it. Just made sure he had childrens vitamins...

He is now 6 and will eat most veg, likes a korma, loves wraps.. will not eat carrots. I am happy with how he is progressing

One of mine is a resistant eater. We use the Division of Responsibility model with him which as worked wonders. He started out only eating three foods but he's now only somewhat fussy.

This is interesting as I watched supernanny USA today and the children wouldn't eat but by the end she had all of them eating grown up dinners.

Mine just won't though, I'm not too concerned as she will eat fruit and things with calcium but when it comes to dinners she isn't interested. Always says there is too much on her plate when there's about 3 things!

Anyhow I choose to ignore it as long as it's not causing you stress. Still don't think Supernanny has her own kids so she can't say anything to me

As a former fussy eater as a child yes you are doing it right OP! Serve dinner making sure there is at least one thing he will eat (and enough of it that he won’t be hungry) make no comments, positive or negative and just eat dinner and chat as normal.

Agree it's better to wait it out. DD is fussy, I give her something she'll definitely eat alongside other things she might not, I sometimes pander to her (eg giving her separate components of stir fry,b finding sauce off pasta!)

You might find he eats more with other people or in different situations away from the dinner table - mine are more likely to try something on a picnic, or with grandparents, or at nursery, or if I give them little bits to nibble while I'm cooking.

My 2 year old only ate beans and bananas at one point. He didn't even like pasta!. What worked with him was to serve him a little bit of everything and say to him that he has to try it and if he doesn't like it, then he doesn't have to eat it. But he might really, really like it and he'd be refusing to eat what could be his favourite food EVER! There's no pressure to finish his plate, just try a little bit and if he does try it then there are cheers and claps. If he doesn't like it then he won't get it again for a long time then reintroduced, and again, reinforcement that it's the trying of the food which is the supported behavior. No biggy if its not liked. Just move on.

Hes now 4 and he eats and loves fish, chicken, broccoli, peppers cucumber etc. It took several introductions for all of these so it's a long process but does work. Persevere.

@PicaK

Have you got a fussy eater or does he have ARFID? Google it and see if it rings bells. Because the direction you take will be pretty different. There's a fb page for parents of kids with ARFID. Probably more helpful than here tbh in deciding which tack to take.

I was going to suggest this too

I have a fussy eater who is now 16! She can't eat anything with a sauce (although loves sweet and sour sauce but on the side to dip food in). She can't cope with any sort of spice at all, even kfc is too spicy because it has pepper in it. She eats fruit and veg though so that helps. I think she is just a super taster and can't handle flavours that the rest of us would be fine with. I make meals abs just leave the sauce off hers or, for example, tonight we are having teriyaki chicken wraps for tea and she will have plain chicken and salad.

Yes don't make a fuss, no extra attention, 1 meal that everyone is eating, and if he doesn't like it fine. Take it away.

I always did this and had some resistance a few times when my little one was 2 or 3 but he needed to realise this isn't a restaurant, this is our home and we eat together. I swore I would never go down the separate chicken nugget dinner route for him.

Tips I found helpful
Don't let them eat anything for 2 hours before. So dinner in our house is at 6pm. From 4pm onwards, no snacks.
No big drink before or during dinner.
No pudding if they don't eat, no fruit, no yoghurt.
If they don't eat, no worries, the next meal is breakfast.

I also read some books on it, some recommended by mums on here many years ago saying "relax, they won't starve if they don't eat their dinner. BUT they will realise you won't cave in and give them a nicer alternative".

Whilst this all sounds quite harsh, I swear I'm not a mean mum, I would never give my DS tagliatelle for dinner, as he hates creamy white sauce. Or cherry tomatoes or a really spicey curry etc as he doesn't like them. So do understand there may be a few things they genuinely don't like.

But they should like shepherds pie, SPag Bol, fish and chips, pizza, roast dinner, fajitas, tomato pasta, chilli con carne, jacket potato and tuna etc the sort of stuff they will get for school dinners. (I'm in UK)