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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to form an overnight childcare bubble?

55 replies

mummy2b2011 · 12/04/2021 11:04

Hello,
Wondering what people’s thoughts are on this. We are a home educating family with 2 children. We live 5 hours from family and have kept to all guidance over the past year. We haven’t seen family or had any help with the children since September last year. I’m considering visiting my in laws for 10 days (5 hours away) to form a childcare bubble with them. Husband mostly wfh. He’d come with us and work from there. Younger child has (undiagnosed) SEN & life is feeling extremely difficult atm. Husband is fully vaccinated, MIL is partially, FIL not at all (his choice). I’m not. We have a batch of covid tests, so could test before we go/whilst we’re there. I don’t think the guidance is very detailed regarding this specific scenario, though I do know overnight stays in general won’t be allowed until towards the end of May.
AIBU to consider this?

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 12/04/2021 11:59

I do find it odd that parents of under ones can have support bubbles but those with disabled children cannot but it’s only a few more weeks.

@MyDcAreMarvel, is that right? I was sure that I had read something about support bubbles for families with disabled children. If they don't exist, I completely agree that they should - personally, I'd have thought that this was at least as important as the support bubbles for families with young babies.

AlexaShutUp · 12/04/2021 12:00

Finding an extreme life situation very difficult is not the same as being severally mentally unwell.

I agree. Ultimately, only the OP knows how much she is actually struggling.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 12/04/2021 12:02

I would do it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/04/2021 12:03

Childcare bubbles are just for childcare so you could drop them off if you have to work but you can’t stay over or socialise with them.

Aprilx · 12/04/2021 12:06

If you want to follow guidelines then no you cannot do this, the guidance is actually pretty clear that this is not a childcare bubble. If you want to do it anyway, then that is your decision.

Mrsjayy · 12/04/2021 12:08

What you are talking about isn't a childcare bubble is it ? But I think you know that you can try and explain it away but really you are just going to visit your extended family, which of course isn't "allowed" but if you want to do it just go but don't wrap it up as something it isn't.

Rillington · 12/04/2021 12:10

That's not how childcare bubbles work.

Pupster21 · 12/04/2021 12:15

I would do it. Sometimes common sense just prevails.
We’re using my parents as overnight childcare (without me or DH) because it’s easier than picking them up then dropping them off the next day.
In your situation it sounds like you need help with childcare but due to distance it needs to be over isn’t due to SEN you need to also be present.

GabsAlot · 12/04/2021 12:21

Cant do this and definitely no overnight stays yet
my sis in law is going to stay with her dad (hes alrewady in a bubble) says she had enough but if we all thought that we'd be back to square one

LST · 12/04/2021 12:23

@GabsAlot

Cant do this and definitely no overnight stays yet my sis in law is going to stay with her dad (hes alrewady in a bubble) says she had enough but if we all thought that we'd be back to square one
No, but not everyone is doing it are they ffs. The op is struggling and to help her out this is a viable option.
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 12/04/2021 12:43

@GabsAlot

Cant do this and definitely no overnight stays yet my sis in law is going to stay with her dad (hes alrewady in a bubble) says she had enough but if we all thought that we'd be back to square one
Exactly.

The guidance is very clear re childcare bubbles and easily available online.

Rather than break the law, it would be better for the DH to book some time off work to help out or to find local childcare holiday clubs etc.

mamahoo · 12/04/2021 12:44

I would just do it.

Original poster
mummy2b2011 · 12/04/2021 14:59

Thank you for all your comments. It’s helpful to read the range of perspectives. To those commenting on the degree to which I/ we are struggling.... well, it varies from day to day, but there are days when I feel like I’m not coping. At all :-( I’m concerned for my kids’ mental health and the prolonged separation from family. I’m grateful to be reminded that my OH could take leave- this would certainly help- and that the ‘allowed’ overnight stays are just next month. I think the comments stating that it’s a question of just how much I’m struggling are exactly right. And therefore it’s probably almost impossible for anyone to state definitively one way or the other what we should do. Thank you again

OP posts:
Dustyhedge · 12/04/2021 15:33

I can’t see where the guidance would outright prohibit this. I’d have thought it rests on whether the primary purpose of the visit is for childcare or for socialising. I can’t see where the guidance defines ‘childcare’ in a way that would automatically exclude your set-up. Others may know more than me.

If you form a childcare bubble, members of either household can provide childcare in a home or public place. Overnight stays are allowed where necessary for childcare purposes.

You can only use a childcare bubble for childcare. You cannot use a childcare bubble to mix with another household for any other reason. This means you cannot use a childcare bubble to meet socially with another household.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 12/04/2021 16:04

As many pp have said, its not for a childcare bubble, they don't work like that. But if you need it for emotional support many others are doing much worse so I would do it!

FireflyRainbow · 12/04/2021 16:06

That's not a childcare bubble.

eatsleepread · 12/04/2021 17:00

I'd do it. Mental wellbeing is important too Smile

HugeAckmansWife · 12/04/2021 17:08

Honestly at this point, I would do it. We are far enough down the line for people to make their own choices about this and do what's best for them. You're talking about a quantified risk with informed people, not just milling about in a crowd

moochingtothepub · 12/04/2021 17:12

That's not a childcare bubble as that mean dropping off. If you want to do it I doubt anyone here would criticise but it is against the law until 17 May

Alfaix · 12/04/2021 17:15

It is against the rules but I would do it if all adults vaccinated. I would wait until you have been and tell FIL to give his head a wobble.

Dustyhedge · 12/04/2021 17:21

For everyone saying a childcare bubble involves dropping off could you highlight where the guidance specifies that? It’s clear it isn’t an excuse to socialise but I can’t see anything that parents cannot be on the same property as the person providing childcare.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/04/2021 17:25

I think a person can be on the same property but you don’t socialise. So if grandma comes into the house for childcare whilst you WFH, you shouldn’t be in the same room or mixing at any time.

LST · 12/04/2021 17:29

@ineedaholidaynow

I think a person can be on the same property but you don’t socialise. So if grandma comes into the house for childcare whilst you WFH, you shouldn’t be in the same room or mixing at any time.
How ridiculous. I made my mum lots of tea. And she sat on the sofa when she'd finished to show me what the dc had done that day.
ineedaholidaynow · 12/04/2021 17:31

Then you were using it for social purposes as well as childcare @LST. You are meant to limit time in the same room being close to people as that is when the virus can be easily transferred.

ineedaholidaynow · 12/04/2021 17:33

I’m assuming if you were using nursery or a childminder @LST you wouldn’t be allowed to have that same close contact with the carer and the same should apply for a childcare bubble.