Common sense tells me that I should probably just bite my tongue and accept that this is just one of those things that parents should shrug off.
However, I am a bit concerned that for the past few months, my FIL's comments during FaceTime with DH, DS, and myself are starting to really wind me up.
We live about 4 hours away from both my DPs and my ILs. DS (2.5 yrs old) is first PFBGC on both sides, and i completely appreciate it's been really hard for our respective families to miss out on so much of his growing over the last year. This means that weekly FaceTimes probably do come with a bit more pressure than usual but over the last 3/4 months, FIL has been commenting nearly every week on some aspect of our parenting.
Eg, DS can be such a fussy eater, to the point where he often refuses to eat lunch/dinner and we end up with a stand-off then trantrum situation and he gets a time out and no treats. When we told ILs this, FIL says "he looks fine to me, don't be so hard on him, he's not even 3"
Eg if we FaceTime just before bed and DS is having a mad five minutes and FIL is encouraging him, as we ask DS to calm down - we get "leave him alone, he's having fun" (nb we try to not FaceTime too close to bed for this reason but it's sometimes unavoidable).
Eg when i say "DS it's time for your bath, say goodnight to GM and GD" FIL will say "don't upset him" - what?!
He's also lectured us at times on all the staff we need to with DS when things re-open, like swimming ("you make sure you take that boy swimming), as if we're not planning on doing anything?
Basically, whenever my DH confides in his parents that we;ve had a less than perfect time and have tried something like a time out, or no treats, or we ask him to calm down, they never say stuff along the lines of "yeah that sounds tough, it will pass" it's always us being hard on him.
I'm also PG with DD1 and FIL keeps making comments about us recycling some of DS' clothes for her (because he's a boy) and tells DS that there's going to be loads of dolls on the house getting in the way of his dinosaurs.
I know these aren't big things, and no doubt the distance is making ILs miss DS even more - so hopefully with restrictions easing, we can see more of them and the FaceTime calls won't be so stressful. I think this is FIL/IL's way of trying to bond with DS and be 'cool'. But this undermining us openly is getting annoying and i worry that it will continue in person. DS is sharp and will pick up on it, and that makes mine and DH's life harder.
DH agrees with me on the above, in fact, i think it gets under his skin more because they're his parents and he needs support and reassurance from them more than i do.
What would you all do?