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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

am I being unreasonable to expect strange old women not to comment on your parenting?

64 replies

mummyloveslucy · 11/11/2007 19:04

I was heading towards the town yesterday with my 2.5 year old daughter in her pushchair, she happens to be very tall for her age and is often mistaken as being older than she is. An old lady then came up to me and grabed the pushchair telling me that "this child is far too old to be pushed around in a pushchair". I explained politely that she is only 2.5 and that we live a long way from town and she can't walk there and back. She then went on to say "Well, you could catch a bus" to which I replied it's cheaper to walk and better for the environment. She then walked off muttering somthing under her breath.
Was I right to be so polite or should I have told her to mind her own buisness? I think most mums would have done the latter. I think she was probubly lonely and wanted to feel that her oppinions still count. She was in her 80's. Now I feel that every one is thinking the same as her, it does knock your confidence.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 11/11/2007 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyloveslucy · 11/11/2007 19:27

Gosh Dog what sort of dog are you?, a bulldog chewing a wasp no boubt! I pitty your kids, all this anger and hatered is bound to rub off. What would you do then drag your two year old 6 miles with shopping bags? and no I'm not on bennifits, I work not that that's any of your buissiness.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 11/11/2007 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mummyloveslucy · 11/11/2007 19:30

Gosh Dog what sort of dog are you?, a bulldog chewing a wasp no boubt! I pitty your kids, all this anger and hatered is bound to rub off. What would you do then drag your two year old 6 miles with shopping bags? and no I'm not on bennifits, I work not that that's any of your buissiness.

OP posts:
dogthelazygithunter · 11/11/2007 19:31

gosh mummyloveslucy, i thought my spelling was bad!!!!

needmorecoffee · 11/11/2007 19:31

maybe its a little old lady thing. I get endless streams of them coming to tell me their sisters cousins friends brothers son got cured of cerebral palsy and leapt from his wheelchair. Either that or 'its such a shame, but at least she has nice hair.'
None of them remark on the fact that DH is with me and not in work though. But that might be cos I'm in a wheelchair too.

ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG · 11/11/2007 19:31

Dog, you do know don't you, that MNHQ can SEE if you're a regular with a namechange just to be an arse.. you whether you're just a newbie arse?! Either way your posting hours are numbered!

CorrieDale · 11/11/2007 19:32

I generally think it's quite funny when people comment (usually adversely!) on my parenting! I've had an old man come up to me when DD was in the sling to have a look at her. I waited smugly for the 'oh she looks so comfy there' comment, which usually follows. But what he actually said was: why don't you buy a pushchair?
Me: I've got a pushchair.
Him: Then put her in it.
Me: I'm not going to hoik up a pushchair up and down these escalators.
Him: Carry on woman.
I chortled all the way home over that one.

And then there was the classic overheard exchange in Ikea when DS (10 months or so) was feeding himself bread dipped in soup.
Son: Why aren't they giving that baby baby-food?
Mum: Because some people can't be bothered and some people can't afford it.
Dad: That pushchair looks expensive enough.
Mum: Then they can't be bothered.

Oh how we laughed. Well, I did once I'd got over the shock. Now I'm pretty used to the fact that the world and his wife have a view on how I raise my children, and are desperate to share that view with me. I tell myself it's because it takes a community to raise a child. That, or some people are just plain barking.

Lulumama · 11/11/2007 19:33

corrie, i don't think they were mumsnetters

dogthelazygithunter · 11/11/2007 19:34

i am not being a arse though, i am giving my opinion on things and answering back about things i dont agree with. mll has just pointed out that i will fill my children with "hatered" thats insulting to me, i dont even know what hatered is but it does not sound nice.

looneytune · 11/11/2007 19:35

Everyone ignore the dog I say!!!

Lulumama · 11/11/2007 19:36

dog , you have made the same comment about single mums on benefit, and been on the other thread about it, i;m not really sure what point you are trying to make

except you don;t like single mums, or people who claim benefits

needmorecoffee · 11/11/2007 19:36

The most annoying comments were when I had to bottlefeed dd in public. Cos of her CP and epilepsy she only breastfed for 5 months but she couldn't suck properly. People felt it their duty to comment on the bad mother bottle feeding.
So I had a T-shirt printed that said 'My daughter is brain damaged, mind your own business.' and would stand up and point to it when comments floated my way.
Just ignore judgemental comments now and do things my way.
Mind you, now she's 3, drooling and making CP noises we just get horrified glances and rarely any comments. Maybe they are scared we'll go up to them

ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG · 11/11/2007 19:38

I would have told the lady to mind her own business and I wouldn't have lost any sleep over it either! I do not give my courtesy and respect to those undeserving of it!

mummyloveslucy · 11/11/2007 19:38

My spelling may be bad as I have dyslecsia but at least I'm not a total bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

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BeautifulBoysGalore · 11/11/2007 19:42

lol nmc.

i like the t-shirt.
but a bit at the 'horrified glances' and no comments. i think some people just dont know what to say that wont be offensive or annoying so they say nothing - which is a damn shame for parents/children who may be feeling isolated anyway.

LazyLinePainterJane · 11/11/2007 19:42

Just ignore. Walk straight past. Her opinion doesn't matter to you so why make it seem like it does by responding?

ShinyHappyRocketsGoingBANG · 11/11/2007 19:44

Fellow Mumsnetters Please observe the Mumsnetter Policy For Trolls and Suspected Trolls (until mumsnet gets around to dealing with it - the troll - themselves, and because it is being particularly nasty and insulting to undeserving Mners)

Pay special attention to the part about trolls thriving on attention

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Secondly in our experience trolls thrive on attention ? the more aggressively you or we attack, the more likely they are to stick around and cause mayhem ? ignore their posts and usually they'll go away. Ban them and there's nothing to stop them returning with a new email address and identity (no website can stop that happening).

Having said that, whether posted by trolls or otherwise, we don't tolerate any unnecessarily abusive postings and would certainly ban anyone who was persistently doing this of kind of thing. Please do [email protected] if you have any concerns at all and we promise take it very seriously and to closely monitor any troublemakers.

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LuckyUnderpants · 11/11/2007 19:44

yanbu at all! you politely explained yourself to her which is more than she deserved imo

milliec · 11/11/2007 19:47

Message withdrawn

VictorianSqualor · 11/11/2007 19:48

My DS doesn't go in the buggy anymore, and hasnt since he was about 2.

However, when DD was his age, I was walking a lot more to lose weight and she wouldn't have been able to walk as far, so pushchair it was.

YANBU, if your child was totally capable of walking, and you were off to the shop 2 minutes away then I might raise an eyebrown, but even then it would be none of my business, anymore than it was hers.

mummyloveslucy · 11/11/2007 19:50

Thanks shineyhappyrocketsgoingbang. I am new to mums net and didn't know about trolls, I didn't think she could honestly be serious! Thanks

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VictorianSqualor · 11/11/2007 19:57

mummyloveslucy, I wouldn't worry about dog questioning your spelling.

This is a poster who on another thread has said "hear we go again" and "fund there pathetic existence."
I wouldn't say grammar was her strong point

mummyloveslucy · 11/11/2007 20:00

Dosn't it seem that you have to be so thick skinned to be a parent? everyone tries their best under usually very difficult cercumstances. No one is perfect but some think that they are, and feel the need to critasize others. Parenting is hard work and everyone is doing the best they can. Keep up the good work mummy's. Your children love you and think your the best. That's all that matters.

OP posts:
berolina · 11/11/2007 20:00

ds1 is full of energy and a good walker, but still uses a pushchair. City living, no car, 10-15 mins (brisk adult speed) walk to the bus/train/tube stop. He will roam happily and untiringly for an hour or more in the local botanic garden, but when we need to get somewhere that's not just round the corner it's impossible to make him walk.

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