Elderly neighbor, I'm worried about him, advice please?

[spidermomma]

Long story short.
I just want to help but don't want to over step?? So any advice please
He's now 80 and is now battling cancer but before his best friend died he promised he would care for his daughter for him (she's 60 and has dementia) she lives near by in a flat but is completely dependent on my neighbor
He gets her every day at 9 am and walks her back to his and then takes her back after tea (her son has nothing to do with her)
But yesterday we was chatting and he said he's finding it really difficult as she's now getting aggressive and he isn't in good health!
I always take him his essentials and food so I know he's okay and I do try to take him the hospital and things to help out but he never accepts

I just feel so bad on him and don't know what to do? I suggested getting a carer but he said she won't have one as she tells people he cares for her and it's fine but it really isn't :(
I physically can't do much as iv a lot on my own plate and care for my 2 baby's and a baby but I can't not help him it's really on my mind now and no one else seems bothered. The nurse who is attached to his house just has her music blasting till gone midnight every weekend with loads of people! This winds me up to haha (sorry off track!!)
Any advice ??

Try and encourage him or to let you call the adult social care department at the council for their advice.

A call to social services is the first thing to do.

I might ask if he would mind me ringing them to see if I could get him some help. Even if it's once a week it's something

You need to tell him it’s too much and she needs a professional assessment. Poor man. Poor woman.
If he knows her GP, you can call the practice and leave a message for her GP saying you are concerned for the woman’s safety. If she has a dementia diagnosis at such a young age, there will be involvement /oversight from healthcare services already.
If you cannot identify which GP practice then use the local authority website to raise a concern with social services. Use the words safeguarding and risk to ensure they consider the situation within a reasonable timeframe. There is lots that can be offered apart from caters - not least financial support which might pay for meals on wheels or taxis.
Alternatively your neighbour could talk to his CNS who will have direct contact with social workers.

I would report them both as vulnerable adults.

What's this about a nurse attached to his house?

I wouldn't call anyone. He doesn't want to do that so why would you?

Spidermomma you sound nice and I want to give some advice but to be honest I am unsure who the three babies are or why a nurse is playing music in his house until midnight?
The friend's daughter situation sounds bigger than he can handle. Could the music playing nurse( district nurse I assume because of your friend's cancer) point you in the right direction?

@132orbust I cannot help as I care for 2 of my children and a baby. Then he has a nurse on the other side (his other neighbor) who doesn't consider him and has crazy party's on a weekend and I dont think this is fair. Once in a whole yes but not every Friday Saturday Sunday!
Sorry I didn't explain that well

@AcornAutumn he never said he didnt want to. He said when they come see tells them he's ok and he cares for her

I won't do anything behind his back but I'm guna mention it to him and ask if he's okay with me getting them both some help

If he’s battling cancer does he have Macmillan help? They would probably be good to advise him where to get help.

I'd try and have a chat with Adult Social Services. You don't have to give your name, just explain that you are a very concerned neighbour and tell them all that you have told us.

You sound like a lovely neighbour 💐

The neighbours friend (with dementia) need some an adult social services review. Push HARD for her to have carers in and support (eg suitable daycare at old folks home).
Try seeing if your area has a Befriender service.
Try local religious groups.

Your neighbour needs someone to take a lily of the care burden from him, and a big dollop of respite services too. He also needs advice (eg visit in her home, not his, so he can leave if she becomes aggressive).

Definitely a call to adult social services, they are both vulnerable.
You sound lovely and caring

I'm sorry, OP, i thiught you were thinking to call Adult Social Services.

Definitely don't do anything without his permission, I appreciate it sounds like you wouldn't though. My apologies for misunderstanding you.

If he passes away the 60 year old will be left very vulnerable. She may be very vulnerable with him (you may only see the good side) or if her dementia is affecting her behaviour and he is physically weak then she may pose a risk to him. The best people to get involved here are Social Services who can assess them both, their needs and whether the 60 year has mental capacity to decide about her care needs.

Please give them a ring and they will listen and act on all your concerns.