AIBU not to consider my ex a parent?

[georgarina]

Ex and I share one DC.

He doesn't do any parenting - pays maintenance only occasionally due to odd jobs, has never once taken DC when I've needed it (only ever ask in an emergency ie need to go to A&E), doesn't contribute to any parenting, doesn't see DC on a schedule and was recently contemplating moving away to a different country. He's said he only wants to do what he's happy doing and doesn't want it to feel like a chore. Even when he spends time with DC it's usually his parents who end up actually doing the childcare and he's just around.

But he still got really angry when I once said something like 'it's not like we're coparenting', and feels entitled to judge my parenting decisions, and seems like he wants the recognition of being a parent without the responsibility.

There's no one issue here, it's just how I feel about him. Basically AIBU to feel that he's not a parent as he hasn't taken on a parenting role?

YADNBU.

My ex does a fair bit more than that and I'd still consider his efforst borderline at best.

Probably would be best for all concerned if yours did bugger off abroad.

Your kids know who parents them.

He doesn't want it to feel like a chore? Jfc, what a waste of skin. YANBU.

My ex does more than what you describe and I consider him a shit parent so YANBU. He sounds rubbish op. Sadly some men aren’t cut out to be parents. In our case DS’s dad has younger children with his now partner and sees to be okay with them. He’s just a letdown regarding DS. It’s always a few hours here and there once a month - more like a babysitter. He does pay for him but I I honestly believe that he only pays maintenance to use it to say ‘well at least I pay for him’.

This is exactly like my ex, he does no parenting at all, my kids haven’t even been to his house since we split 5 years ago, so he’s never had them over night, he’s never even been to their school. I don’t consider him to be a parent AT ALL, I inform him of nothing (Not even emergencies) and only speak to him if he contacts me Which is rare, my kids don’t consider him a dad either they see him as more of a fun uncle

I'd say he's about as much a parent as a child with a dolly.

My ex doesn't pay any maintenance. He hasn't bought them a stitch of clothing or a pair of shoes since the day they were born. He doesn't get involved in their school lives or medical appointments. They see him eow and during school holidays, but he acts more like their older brother than their dad. Useless.

Yanbu. He lives in a fantasy world.

He doesn't want it to feel like a chore? Jesus wept!

Sounds like it would be best if be did bugger off abroad. He's adding nothing of value to your DC life.

YANBU. My ex DH doesn't seen our DC. Pays maintenance but that's it. I do not consider him their parent.

Thanks everyone.

It's really difficult as his parents enable the situation - if I text him, his mum will text me back with the answer. She speaks about him as if he's a child who can't be expected to do anything he doesn't want to do.

I wish he had just decided not to be involved tbh, because now DS is a toddler and loves his dad more than anything and constantly cries to see him.

But I guess like people have said it will hopefully just evolve into a "fun uncle" relationship.