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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that it would be nice if he checked on me?

10 replies

TigerLils · 11/04/2021 13:47

I have received some pretty shocking family news yesterday. I don’t want to go into detail as it’s really outing and a very long story but it’s a serious family issue. I never imagined that something like this could happen to my family.

My long term partner who I live with (not married) knows what happened. I think he is pretty shocked too but we are not married and it’s happened in my family. He is out today with his friends which was a planned thing and I knew about it. He left as planned early this morning and not a text message or anything from him. I am okay, surprisingly calm. My head is a bit all over the place and I keep going between like being proper chilled to having a full on argument myself in my head. I don’t know how I should feel, I haven’t cried or been upset but my mind us all over it and I just can’t believe what’s been happening. I have no support apart from him and wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else anyway. I could go to my mum but she is just going to get myself worked up and will do no good for me.

I’m just thinking though, I really wasn’t expecting him to cancel his plans and as I said I am okay at the moment but it’s some awful shit that happened and I am just surprised that he hasn’t even dropped me a text to check in on me? AIBU to think if he cared about me, he would have text me or a give me a quick call?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 11/04/2021 14:54

If it is that big a deal, yes I think he should have offered to cancel and yes to checking in with you.

Are ye very young and very casual?

It isn't the actions of someone thoughtful and committed, if it has been a seismic shock for you.
Flowers

LouiseTrees · 11/04/2021 15:40

I kind of think it depends what the family news was. Your mum and dad getting a divorce when you are already an adult, he can check how you are tonight. Your brother trying to kill himself, he should have cancelled his plans entirely. You finding out some horrible things which do have affect on your mental health and would be expected to do then he should have sent a message at least while out.

RachelRavenRoth · 11/04/2021 15:45

He might be giving you space.
He might just not give a shit.
Only you know him.

Mintjulia · 11/04/2021 15:46

Where is he? If he's gone shooting or playing a team sport, I can understand him not ringing.

If he's in a crowd with his friends, maybe he doesn't want to be overheard.

I think it all depends on how supportive he is when he gets home tonight.

katy1213 · 11/04/2021 15:50

He'll be back tonight. You clearly are perfectly all right as it sounds like whatever has happened, it happened to someone else.

Aprilx · 11/04/2021 15:50

I think if it is not so serious that it didn’t require him cancelled his plans, then it probably isn’t too bad that he hasn’t checked in either. Presumably he is surrounded by people or in the middle of something and cannot easily check in with you anyway.

HagenDaz · 11/04/2021 15:54

If the outing thing is happening to someone else not you, then I don’t think he needs to check in.

HeddaGarbled · 11/04/2021 15:58

I presume you spoke about it yesterday and that he will be home at some point today? If so, I don’t think I’d be expecting anything from him while he’s out.

ThatOtherPoster · 11/04/2021 16:00

If you're having a bad day and he knew it (because he rang you), he'd have to come home.

justwaydamin · 11/04/2021 16:00

Without trying to sound too much like an armchair therapist do you think perhaps getting annoyed about this small thing is just a way of your mind avoiding the truly upsetting thing that has happened? I'd wait to see how he is tonight, if he is supportive enough then or if he just strolls in "what's for tea?" style. I think that would be the indicator for me
Sorry you're going through something so horrid. Thanks

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