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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell him it's too late?

13 replies

Xboxstolemychildren · 10/04/2021 13:47

Exdp dcs dad called me this morning out of the blue to tell me that after 8 years, he wishes that he never left me and wishes he could go back or even start again

I laughed thinking he had been drinking a bit early, but he was dead serious. I don't know what's brought this on but I've told him I'm not interested and he's a few years too late to have that conversation, especially since he's always blamed me for our break up despite him being unfaithful and leaving to be with the OW who is now long gone.

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 10/04/2021 13:48

His dad?

FireflyRainbow · 10/04/2021 13:49

Defo too late.

Elieza · 10/04/2021 13:56

Your ex is probably going through a rough patch and is a bit depressed or something. He’s remembering the good times you had together. But forgetting the bad times.

If I’ve understood this right, his dad phone probably because he just wants him to be happy and is trying to get you two back together to achieve that.

It’s your life and your choice. But ultimately unless whatever it was that caused him to stray has changed, he will stray again in due course if you take him back.

MrsExpo · 10/04/2021 13:59

Are you in a relationship at the moment, and do you have contact with him with regard to your DC? I’m in a conciliatory mood today, so think that we all make mistakes and we all change over time.

Can’t hurt to talk to the guy (if you’re up for being in a relationship). After all that’s happened over the last year or so, I’d never close the door to potential happiness. Life is too short.

(Goes off to hide behind a wall because I know the popular view would be “no way” ..... ).

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/04/2021 14:04

My ex does this occasionally. I just remind him of some of the shittier moments of our relationship and tell him he’s missing being in relationship, not our relationship itself.

I think it’s reasonably common, particularly once you’re sons distance away from the bad times and are reminiscing on the good.

Original poster

Xboxstolemychildren · 10/04/2021 14:23

Sorry I might have been unclear, it is my dcs dad that called not his dad.

I've recently become single, as far as I was aware he was with someone I'm not sure if he's still with her, but he also has another child.
So for me I just couldn't go back, if it had been 3 or 4 years ago I may have given him another chance. This is the first time in all the years we have been apart that he has ever said that to me and it took me by surprise and I did actually have a little tear as it kind of validated the feelings I had over our split and felt as though a huge weight i didn't realise I was carrying had been lifted of my shoulders.

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 10/04/2021 14:30

Oh I read it as he got his dad to call! That would have been odd, anyway my ex does this as well, he doesn’t want me back he just wants his cake. I gave him a chance and he was clearly just using me. I wouldn’t get back with someone that had had another kid since we split though, definitely not.

Original poster

Xboxstolemychildren · 10/04/2021 14:45

It would have been very odd seeing as though he's been dead 10 years

I think that's what puts me off, the fact he has another child because our dc are older so I'm just getting my life back and want to do certain things and he just wouldn't be able to that with a young dc.

OP posts:

KurtWilde · 10/04/2021 15:27

My exh does this every time he's had a rough time or a gf has dumped him. He'll say II'm the best thing that ever happened to him despite constantly reminding me how shit I am during times when he's got a gf.

LouiseTrees · 10/04/2021 16:00

He cheated on you, she or a more recent relationship left him. He reckons he was more in control with you. Don’t let him regain that control.

Original poster

Xboxstolemychildren · 11/04/2021 10:19

OW left 5 years ago, so its definitely not that and he most definitely wasn't in more control of me than he has been with other women.
That was actually one of the most major arguments we used to have, was that he couldn't get me to do as he wanted when he wanted.

We were both pretty young and I can see that he's grown as a person, but I'm still not going to back to much water has passed under the bridge.

OP posts:

KoalaOok · 11/04/2021 10:41

You've said you couldn't go back so there's your answer. There's not point not telling him it's too late if it is.

Carpedimum · 11/04/2021 10:47

My exH does this too when he’s not in a relationship or the one he’s in isn’t going well. Over the 25+ years since we divorced, he seems to have put me on a pedestal that no-one else matches. It’s a complete fabrication of his guilt I think. He’s not alone though, some of his family and old friends have reinforced this idea that I was the one, and he was crazy to have an affair blah, blah. It’s just noise to me, embarrassing and I just wish he would move on. All I can advise @Xboxstolemychildren is do nothing to encourage it.

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