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To worry about post-lockdown meals with overweight family now I've lost weight.

59 replies

BagLadyy · 10/04/2021 12:02

I'd written a VERY ramble post. So I'm going to pop that in the next comment to elaborate and make my point quicker in this first post.


I've lost a lot of weight over the past few months.

Anyone who has managed to lose weight despite a similar background (overweight - sugar/carb loving family) to me.

How do you deal with:

  • the guilt that my family are going to be disappointed I'm not fat and self loathing anymore.

  • the extra treats they'll try and force upon me.

  • the huge meals that I know I'll be watched at to see what I'm taking. The comments when I don't eat things I used to.


I know it should be as simple as just saying I don't snack, fancy it etc etc.

But hoping there are others who have similar families.
OP posts:
Penistoe · 10/04/2021 14:33

How about saying not right now but can you put some in a plastic tub for me to eat on my ‘treat day’ tomorrow or later when I’m less stuffed.

Penistoe · 10/04/2021 14:34

Take home then bin

Vickles20 · 10/04/2021 14:37

Sorry for drip feed. I think it’s control thing. You have taken control. It, food or them no longer control you. Bravo for taking these steps and working hard, digging deep and quite honestly going without at times. I’m 6 years on now from when I started. It took turning 40 to actually do something.

It started with stepping away from toxic family members. Adopted family. The moment I cut contact, I went to the dr and they gave me 12 weeks free slimming world. I lost 4 stone fairly quickly. Then it began it to level off. I adapted and changed what I ate again, reducing carbs (mostly cutting out the trigger foods that I could binge on) and went on to lose another 4 stone. It was hard. Really hard. I pretty much took half a year to lose the last half a stone. It took it’s toll a bit. But I did it. 4 years to lose 8 stone.
Two years on (and after Christmas and lockdown 2) I’m 2 stone on. Not where I want to be. But I acknowledge and accept it. And am doing it again, but more mindfully this time. No race. No half stone certificates or shiny stickers. But it’s coming off slowly and remaining healthy and fit and although I feel I am still very disordered eating wise. I am in control and feel good about myself.
I pull it back when I can. And enjoy it when I can. And it’s working. But slowly. I’m ok with that.
My remaining family (blood, not adopted) I mentioned who are 3 hours away, are mostly overweight and very very overweight. However. They are hugely supportive and can’t do enough to respect my wishes food wise. I am very lucky.

But I feel that you need to take control. Or you. And it’s your journey. Just you. You’re amazing. Well done. You’ve done the hard work. Just keep it up. Let them continue on their journeys. It’s nothing to do with you. And your journey and relationship with food is nothing to do with them
Care less about what they think and do. You can’t control that. But you can control how you continue to stay in control and how you choose to handle them and their reaction. Just keep doing what you’re doing. You don’t need them. You’ve got this

Crimeismymiddlename · 10/04/2021 14:45

I am on slimming world right now, and only one person knows about it. I plan to never ever mention it. I was a bit worried about returning to real life but I have decided to switch to calorie counting on the days I am seeing my very similar family, friends, and for meals out and hope no one guesses as I will be eating the same food-also I do want to enjoy myself sometimes! Honestly I am praying no one will mention it.

Dozer · 10/04/2021 16:37

I don’t read that poster’s comment as ‘fat shaming’, at all OP. I’ve had similar family dynamics and very much DO fear that I’ll make poor food and drink choices with family, and still often do! Unfortunately.

You can’t influence their thoughts or what they say about your weight loss and food / drink choices at family get togethers, much at all. They’ll think/say/do what they will! That’s to do with their own ‘stuff’.

I disagree with the ‘white lies’ approach, eg claiming stress, exercise, illness, strangely going off food etc. It’s untrue and unlikely to shut up people like my/your family. Simple assertiveness, repeated ad infinitum, and minimal info on your choices and weight loss would be better IMO.

MrsTophamHat · 10/04/2021 16:45

I've noticed this about some of my family members. I've put on some weight since children and I noticed last time I ate with them that my MiL made me a much larger portion than she made herself and constantly asked me if I wanted bread with it, extra this, extra that, which pudding would I like rather than whether I wanted pudding at all.

It always makes me feel really on show.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 10/04/2021 16:46

Just learn how to say no, no and no again. My super skinny mother tries to force sugary foods on me everytime I go there. I used to be practically disabled with fat and utterly miserable with no life. I've lost 9 stone.
She asks me every 20 minutes I'm there if I want a cake or biscuit and looks sad when I say no.
I've realised its some kind of psychological thing and just keep saying no. I don't care how rude it sounds, I find it rude and rather tragic that she'd rather I died of diabetes and heart failure than remained a healthy weight.

ChillySunnyChilly · 10/04/2021 16:47

I agree that softly assertive no thank you, repeated is likely to end better long term than the white lies approach.

katy1213 · 10/04/2021 16:53

IF push comes to shove, just say I'm really enjoying not being as fat as you lot! And do make sure you turn up in your tightest, slinkiest new outfit!
Don't let them undermine you. It's crazy to feel guilty because they're fat and you're not!

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