I've been with my BF for two years now, and I am beginning to get really fed up with his female 'best friend'. I'm starting to feel like a third wheel in my own relationship!
At the start, BF was very open and honest about his friendship with this woman, telling me how they were very close, she was his best friend, in their friendship group she was the one he could really turn to and rely on. She's caused issues in his relationships before me, but he assured me that he'd always put me first and he'd learnt from his mistakes in the past. I was pleased with the fact he'd been transparent and honest about it. I've had relationships with men in the past who've had very close friendships with females and it has never bothered me. However, BF is less than honest about things. The issue all started when he lied about going for dinner with her one time, only for me to find out months later. It just set an unhealthy precedent, and I've never been jealous / controlling in the past, but he is making me feel like I am!
A few examples:
- He won't mention when he's seen her, only when I directly ask. For example, they will frequently go to the gym together, walk their dogs together, go for lunch/dinner/to a bar... recently he mentioned how much he loves a certain type of cake, so she baked it for him and delivered it to his house. He is never open with any of this, if I ask him how his day is he will never mention it. He only ever tells me if I specifically ask, 'have you seen x recently?'. He doesn't accept that this is lying by omission, he just tells me he doesn't see the point in telling me as I will 'make an issue over nothing'.
- He deletes their conversations with one another. I have his password so will often use his phone for social media, googling, listening to music and watching films. It became obvious he deletes conversations, as messages from her would pop up whilst we were on his phone, the messages were continuing a conversation, but when he clicked on it, it would be the only message in the chat. When I asked him about this, he admitted he deleted it as he 'doesn't want me to make an issue out of things'.
- Back in the summer, he had a garden party with all his friends and family. It all got a bit boozy and everyone was a little tipsy. At one point, his mum wrapped her arms around female friend (in front of me and all the other partygoers), and exclaimed 'I love you so much x, you are like a daughter to me!' He has also said that his friends and family have often questioned him on what is really going on in their friendship, whether they are secretly dating etc.
The recent cake situation was the final straw for me, and I told him how unhappy I am with this dynamic. He's now saying he wants to keep the friendship and that I am controlling and he worries I will control other aspects of his life?! I've been in relationships in the past, and never had an issue with them having friends of the opposite sex. They are always open and honest about it. It's got to the point where I want to break up with him because I'm fed up of him lying by omission, not seeing why this might get my back up and feeling like I am in some weird love triangle!