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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Location services on child’s iPhone

17 replies

jean1982 · 09/04/2021 17:26

I can’t seem to find any information on this question so I hope someone can help. I am going through a divorce. My almost 12 year old son has an iPhone on which he shares his location with me and his dad. This was fine when we lived together as a family. My son now spends the overwhelming majority of his time with me. The location sharing is still active for his dad. Dad now knows my every move as my son always has his phone on him and is almost always with me. He is now getting quite annoyed about me asking that the location sharing stop, claiming he likes to check that his son is ok. My point is that knowing the location of the phone does not tell you anyone is ok, sure it’s useful if the phone gets lost but as I still have the location services then that’s not really an issue. He is being quite demanding about having the location shared and won’t acknowledge my concerns. Dad can call, text, whatsapp etc his son any time he wants and vice versa, there is absolutely no restrictions on this.
I actually lead quite a boring life and don’t go anywhere or do anything that I wouldn’t want anyone to know about, but I would like to have my privacy, dad would certainly not like me to know where he goes or what he does.
Am I being unreasonable? Are there any legal rules around this?

OP posts:

merryhouse · 09/04/2021 17:30

Can you get your son to turn off location tracking when he's with you?

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 17:35

No he does not have the right to access or use this, its a means of control and you need to turn it off.

You can download Life360 and you can access and use to show your sons movements. We use this as a family group. 🌸

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 17:37

try this OP ...

Original poster

jean1982 · 09/04/2021 22:00

Thank you, it’s an odd one as it’s quite a new issue with phones.

OP posts:

JellyBabiesFan · 09/04/2021 22:06

My point is that knowing the location of the phone does not tell you anyone is ok, sure it’s useful if the phone gets lost but as I still have the location services then that’s not really an issue

I was agreeing with you until you said this. What makes it acceptable for you to be allowed access to your sons location but not his father?

Either you both have it of neither of you have it. There should not be different rules for each of you because you have split up.

With this above comment I think you are being unreasonable.

Both need access to location or neither. It is not right if you have it but he does not.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 22:15

Either you both have it of neither of you have it. There should not be different rules for each of you because you have split up.

this is not correct.

JellyBabiesFan · 09/04/2021 22:35

this is not correct

Define correct.

DonGray · 09/04/2021 22:38

Who is paying for the phone?

SE13Mummy · 09/04/2021 23:42

I wonder if the three of you could agree that DS shares his location only when he's not with an adult i.e. times that you all feel it's important both parents know where he is? An alternative is for him to become proactive at letting you both know where he is, when he arrives at places etc., perhaps by sharing his location using what three words or just by messaging a group chat.

Personally, I discourage my nearly 12-yr-old from having location on as I don't intend to track their every move and want them to actively participate in letting me know when they've arrived at/are leaving somewhere if it's outside of their regular routine. I dislike the idea that if something went wrong, they might assume I'd know where they were because of tracking them plus I want them to develop actual independence, not pseudo independence that is only available when there's WiFi or data available.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 23:46

I was agreeing with you until you said this. What makes it acceptable for you to be allowed access to your sons location but not his father*

Either you both have it of neither of you have it. There should not be different rules for each of you because you have split up.

With this above comment I think you are being unreasonable.

Both need access to location or neither. It is not right if you have it but he does not.

Wrong

Original poster

jean1982 · 10/04/2021 06:42

Thank you, that’s a good point.

OP posts:

NeverForgetYourDreams · 10/04/2021 07:31

I have location sharing with DS and so does DH. DH and I location share. However DS and I have my mum on location sharing too. But my DH can't see my mum on his phone. How come your ex can see your location on his phone? He shouldn't be able to.

SarahBellam · 10/04/2021 07:37

On your sons phone: You don’t grant location sharing services to your ex when your son is with you. Your ex doesn’t grant location sharing services to you when your son is with him.

Mix56 · 10/04/2021 07:44

It depends on the kind of divorce, if he's a controlling abusive type, I see why you dont want him knowing where you are.
Are you saying he would disable it when DS is with him ?

JemimaJoy · 10/04/2021 07:46

Agree: either you both have it or neither do. Maybe if it's switched off when he's with you, it needs to be switched off when he's with his dad too. Why should only you get to check in on your son's whereabouts? You are both his parents.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 10/04/2021 07:52

I'm surprised at some responses on here OP.

You are right to not want your ex tracking your movements by proxy through your son's phone.

If you go into find your iPhone on your son's phone you can click on the devices listed and stop location sharing.

Just do it without asking permission from your ex and check the settings each time your son returns from his fathers.

Your ex can track your son when he is in his care if he is so desperate to.

Explain as best to your son why you'll be their off when he's at home with you.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 10/04/2021 07:54

Last sentence again: explain as best as you can to your son, why you are turning location off when he is with you.

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