Not sure what to think
Amumtomyson · 09/04/2021 11:52
If you heard from someone else that someone's child wouldn't sleep and the dad is getting frustrated and loses his temper with the child, is that ok when they are genuinely sorry and they've had a hard life and the mum has mental health issues so it's hard for everyone.
Am I being unreasonable?AIBU
You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Ginuwine · 09/04/2021 11:53
What constitutes "losing their temper"
What do you think you're hoping to do about this - report etc? Or speak to the mother of the DC?
hellofrommetoyou · 09/04/2021 11:57
Depends what losing his temper means. For instance when my dd was a baby/toddler there were definitely times I lost my temper but that would mean putting her in her cot and walking away and having a cigarette to calm myself down. I think once in a while I would shout in frustration but not at her and would remove myself from the room. I remember once when I was sleep deprived with no help and she would not stop crying no matter what I did, I once shouted 'shut the fuck up', but it was never in her face or anything. Was sheer frustration and would never lay a hand on her.
So if it's that type of thing I think that's normal to be honest but if he's hitting the child or being too rough then of course I would report.
ViciousJackdaw · 09/04/2021 13:57
If you heard from someone else that someone's child wouldn't sleep
Is this actually true?
and the dad is getting frustrated and loses his temper with the child
More detail needed - what does 'loses temper' actually mean? What is the child doing, do they keep coming downstairs or screaming or something? How old is the child?
is that ok when they are genuinely sorry and they've had a hard life and the mum has mental health issues so it's hard for everyone
Who knows? Surely if the sleep is sorted, the frustration will stop? It's really hard to know what to say with such limited info.
BaggoMcoys · 09/04/2021 14:03
Depends what losing their temper actually means. I lost mine a few times when I was really sleep deprived and my DD wouldn't sleep. I wasn't shouting in her face and would never have harmed her though, I'd sometimes walk in another room to calm down, or joined in crying with her and things like that. I don't think it needs an excuse, sleep deprivation and a crying baby is hard to deal with. If losing his temper means physically hurting the baby, that's another thing altogether.
UnbeatenMum · 09/04/2021 14:17
It's not usually 'won't sleep' with toddlers, my 20 month old finds it harder to nap now than a few months ago because he's just less tired and the world is so interesting. He's so little, of course it's frustrating but it's not ok to lose your temper. Put some TV on instead or go for a walk or a drive in the car.
osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 14:33
Is this you and your partner? Plenty of babies at that age drop daytime sleeping. What do you mean by lose you temper? Sometimes if I was exasperated with exhaustion due to poor night sleeping I'd do what hello said - put them in their cot and go out in the garden for a cup of tea and a fag. One time I was out of judgement with sleep deprivation and I jumped in a taxi with DS and knocked on my mum's door in tears (he was an awful sleeper).
Thelnebriati · 09/04/2021 14:37
At some point even the most angelic babies stop taking a nap, and for some of us that happens sooner rather than later. We are the adults and we are the ones that have to adjust; they can't.
If an adult is losing their temper with a young child, then as a first step I'd recommend that both parents go to parenting classes. Its too easy to think that the way our parents treated us or the way we feel like acting is the way parenting is done. Parenting classes can offer alternative strategies to help you cope.
ChazP · 09/04/2021 14:38
A one-off or has this happened more than once?
You know that it is not acceptable to handle a child roughly while frustrated/angry. You don’t need a bunch of strangers to tell you that. Was it an isolated incident where the person is full of remorse and determined to never do it again, or is it a course of conduct?
DaydreamsAndWishes · 09/04/2021 14:39
Everyone gets frustrated @Amumtomyson, it's how you handle it that's the issue.
Picking up and putting down is fine, picking up and putting down whilst shouting at the child isn't. If any force is used with the picking up or putting down, then that person needs to walk away (and ask someone else to take over).
Rubyrecka · 09/04/2021 14:48
What happens when the kid still doesn't sleep tho and he's had a bad day at work or the mrs is having a mental illness episode....I would be very worried that the behaviour will escalate to harming the kid (perceived source of stress/tipping point). Sounds like he needs to get some anger management/stress management counselling under his belt.
MrsTerryPratchett · 09/04/2021 15:07
That's not losing one's temper. Shaking, throwing down, raising a voice, would all be not OK. Putting a child down isn't. So what do you actually mean?
It's really important to describe the behaviour very precisely, particularly if there may be reports.
hellofrommetoyou · 09/04/2021 17:36
That doesn't sound abusive to me since he sat him back down. Did he snap him up and shake or anything? Or was it literally he picked him up from lying position a little too roughly and then sat him back down in a sitting position?
It's so difficult to judge and I feel like unless i witnessed it I couldn't really give sound advice. I think you know in your gut if this is something you have to worry about and report. You know already.
If it literally was - this man is sleep deprived and dealing with a mentally unwell wife and his child was crying, he went over to his child's bed and roughly picked him up from lying position and then placed him back down in sitting up position and walked away or immediately calmed down and is showing remorse for this then no, I don't think it's anything to report. I would support the man in learning how to deal better with stressful situations.
If it was anything more than that- ie the man screamed in the child's face, or squeezed the child when picking him up to hurt him, or threw him back down on the bed or shook him then yes I would be very concerned and would report it.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.