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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Napping

25 replies

Nousha · 09/04/2021 09:58

Im really struggling with putting my little one to nap - DS is 4 months on Monday and he barley gets enough sleep as it is when you read all the parenting books and articles... hes supposed to have 3 naps a day around with the longest at lunch time, not have a gap longer than 2 hours to 2 and half hours between naps.. but hes not like that at all.... takes me 20 mins for him to nap, and the nap usually lasts about 30 to 40 mins..

what am i doing wrong? am i reading to many parenting books/articles? i feel like such a horrible mum... (btw this is my first)

OP posts:

Starlight86 · 09/04/2021 11:10

Firstly......relax.

Easier said than done when everyone is knackered. Throw away all the apps and books. A "typical" baby is not your baby. You know your baby and what they need.

For context.

My first napped beautifully twice a day like textbook for 2 hours and slept right through, then dropped to one nice long nap until the age of 2.

My 2nd was the same but napped till about 3 and still likes the random occasional nap at 6 years old in the car etc.

My 3rd decided to be totally different lol, short contact naps as a baby, sleep wasnt great and she is a very very light sleeper. at around 5 months we established a nap routine which is currently around 11.30 for 2 hours BUT this can vary, sometimes its 1.30 before we put her down and sometimes its earlier. Sometimes she will nap for 40 mins and we know we need to nap her again at about 3.30pm for another hour.

What im saying is they are all different. dont follow the apps follow your baby xxx

pepsicolagirl · 09/04/2021 11:12

chuck out the books and magazines and pay attention to you and your child.

3 kids, all had differing napping needs.

He might also be experiencing sleep regression which is a fucker. May the odds be ever in your favour OP xx

BackforGood · 09/04/2021 11:16

what am i doing wrong? am i reading to many parenting books/articles?

^ Yup

I've manged to raise 3 to adulthood, and have never heard of that 'nap' theory.

Ponoka7 · 09/04/2021 11:19

What your doing wrong is taking the parenting books as gospel. As said start to go with what your baby is dictating. My three children were all different and so are my two grandchildren. We start to develop our personalities and our sleep patterns from birth. Then our eating patterns and we aren't all the same. Take the development stages as rough guides as well. In our family we are early walkers but late talkers. Speech therapy has been suggested for each generation, but just as we are due appointments, it happens naturally.

battleaxe2000 · 09/04/2021 11:20

Well you have a choice if you have a happy, cheerful non napper and you are getting enough sleep to feel human then just go with the flow . If on the other hand DC is overtired and grump and/ or your lack of sleep is affecting your quality of life then maybe you need to clear your diary for a few days and institute a stricter routine.

Original poster

Nousha · 09/04/2021 12:10

But won't the lack of day time napping impact development? He can sleep for about 10 ours overnight from 8 pm to 8 am with 2 feeds/burp and a change

Maybe gets 2 hours throughout the day in a number of short naps...

Why do I feel like I'm not doing good by him? I feel like I'm stunting his growth cuz he isn't getting the required number of hours of sleep..

When he's awake he's happy and smiling and enjoys his play gym, cuddles

OP posts:

BackforGood · 09/04/2021 13:44

Babies need different amounts of sleep from each other, just as children, teens and adults do.

none of mine slept 12 hours at night. EVER, let alone at just a few weeks. Well, not until they were in their mid-teens. Then they did.

KoalaOok · 09/04/2021 13:47

Don't worry too much about the books. You can't force a baby to sleep. Just when he is sleepy provide a nice safe environment and let him sleep.

bloodywhitecat · 09/04/2021 13:54

What are you doing wrong? Absolutely nothing, he just hasn't read the book! Those books talk about an average baby but no baby is average, they all do their own thing because they don't care what the books say. It sounds like you, and he, are doing just fine OP and this is the but that tells me that "When he's awake he's happy and smiling and enjoys his play gym, cuddles"

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/04/2021 14:11

I'm on my third now and NONE of mine have napped like that. My youngest is only 9 weeks and she can go 2 hours awake and nap for 30 mins. Also a childminder, and no children I've had stick to naps religiously so don't panic. You are doing absolutely fine.

ChocOrange1 · 09/04/2021 14:18

If its taking 20 minutes of you rocking him to get him to sleep, maybe he just isn't that tired and that's why he is only having a short nap. Maybe move his nap back by half an hour and you'll find he is tired to go off a bit quicker and stay asleep longer.

I also wouldn't worry too much about what the parenting books say. If he is generally happy and not overtired at bedtime, and sleeps fairly well at night, he is probably doing fine.

ChocOrange1 · 09/04/2021 14:19

But won't the lack of day time napping impact development?
Absolutely not.

rach2713 · 09/04/2021 14:23

4 kids in and all mine had different naps my 3rd was a bad napper and would only nap.for 10 mins at a time but slept all night was a killer but we got through it and she and the older 2 stopped napping by 1 my 4th is 2 and still naps and omg she needs it she will be 20/and still napping. Just go with what your baby wants and needs that's all I do I never read the books just what they wanted..

Juicyoranges · 09/04/2021 14:24

Please don't worry. Since the dawn of time, baby mammals have napped when they've needed to and come to no harm. . It's just that being humans, we've decided that even babies need to have a routine.
Just enjoy your baby and try not to fret.

FlashesOfRage · 09/04/2021 14:27

Does he show tiredness cues? Blank stare, disengagement from what you’re doing with him, whining, yawning, rubbing eyes, eyelids get pink?

Just a thought!
If he’s overtired then it will be hard for him to fall asleep and stay asleep.

My twins were both tired after 1hr15 at that age and needed to be asleep by 1hr30 or things got difficult! X

Merryoldgoat · 09/04/2021 14:28

There is zero wrong here OP. Enjoy your baby and stop the books making you obsessed with stuff like this.

Pinkflipflop85 · 09/04/2021 14:31

My son didn't nap for longer than 25 minutes and his night sleep was equally shit.

Definitely didn't affect his growth or development!

SweetAsANutt · 09/04/2021 14:32

I never read a book about babies. What works for some won't for others.

You're putting to much pressure on yourself. The longer nap doesn't need to be in the afternoon. Most with other children their child would have the morning nap as the longer nap because of picking other children up from school.

Only 4 months so don't worry too much. 20 minutes getting him to nap is not bad going. Stop being so harsh on yourself and if your DC needed a longer nap they'd take it.

Don't worry, put the book down and relax and enjoy this time. Don't stress over naps and how many they have had/not had. Every baby is different.

SweetAsANutt · 09/04/2021 14:35

@Nousha

But won't the lack of day time napping impact development? He can sleep for about 10 ours overnight from 8 pm to 8 am with 2 feeds/burp and a change

Maybe gets 2 hours throughout the day in a number of short naps...

Why do I feel like I'm not doing good by him? I feel like I'm stunting his growth cuz he isn't getting the required number of hours of sleep..

When he's awake he's happy and smiling and enjoys his play gym, cuddles

No.

My DS is dinky and was a great sleeper! These books can scare people but honestly he's getting what he needs and sounds like he has a good night routine.

There are babies who don't even get 10hrs a in total with reflux etc. It's okay. You're doing great just ease off the book a bit x

kersh33 · 09/04/2021 15:05

DD is 7 months and we've never had a nap routine at all. Sometimes she has 2 naps, sometimes 3. Sometimes her naps last 30 minutes, sometimes they last 3 hours.

BUT she doesn't really get overtired and pretty much sleeps like a dream at night with generally 2 wake ups for a quick feed which is fine by me.

We've really always just gone with what she wants - if she shows signs of tiredness/gets a bit grizzly we put her down. If she's not asleep after 10 minutes we go and get her back up again (she doesn't cry, just rolls around her cot letting us know she's not asleep).

To be fair, it's been much easier in lockdown as we don't have anywhere in particular we need to be so we can very much let her dictate her rhythm.

Original poster

Nousha · 12/04/2021 18:03

Thanks everyone! One more question I promise... Does anyone track how many hours a day their DC sleep in total?

I've been doing that and my husband thinks I'm mad ....

OP posts:

Pinkflipflop85 · 12/04/2021 18:44

I djd during the worst of my PND with my first.

BackforGood · 12/04/2021 20:48

@Nousha

Thanks everyone! One more question I promise... Does anyone track how many hours a day their DC sleep in total?

I've been doing that and my husband thinks I'm mad ....

I never did. If they were tired, then they slept for longer. If they woke up, then they didn't need sleep.

LDom · 12/04/2021 22:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OnGoldenPond · 13/04/2021 11:38

OP, please don't stress about your LO not doing what the text books say!

My DD barely napped at all even from birth. She had one nap of about 2 hours after lunch and was stubbornly awake and alert all the rest of the day. However she was perfectly happy and content and very nosy about the world. She also slept solidly from 8pm to 6am so I luckily got plenty of sleep myself.

She dropped the nap completely at 18 months and nursery had to take her into the preschool room at nap time as she kept chatting with and poking the other toddlers when the staff were trying to get them all down for a nap!

She has grown up into a highly intelligent and happy adult so really don't worry about development issues. They all go their own way!

Before anyone accuses me of smug mumminess, DS didn't sleep AT ALL day or night for his first 8 months so I got a sharp shock there! But again, has grown up an intelligent and lovely person.

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