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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teenager with back pain

52 replies

Cocopogo · 09/04/2021 09:19

My 15 yo DS has back pain and has on/off for a couple of years. Yesterday in an argument about him needing to get out more and exercise (he’s skinny but does a lot less since lockdown) he replied I asked you to take me to a doctor but you won’t! I don’t remember him ever asking and yelled back your old enough to call yourself you know! This morning I’m wondering whether I should speak to Gp. I assumed back pain was common in teens, growing and stooping etc.

YANBU it’s common it’ll pass he’s just making excuses
YABU speak to Gp and see what they say!

Please share your stories of your teens

OP posts:
HedgeOwl · 09/04/2021 09:23

Please help and support and be a parent. I was that child who’s parents ignored me pain wise and I can tell you now I no longer have contact with them.
He is a child, he doesn’t know the complexities of phoning the GP. This isn’t about whether he has asked now or not, he is asking you for help as his parent. Of course you bloody make him an appointment and facilitate what that entails!

It isn’t about others sharing their funny teen stories with you.

HedgeOwl · 09/04/2021 09:24

I’ve just re read again what you’ve written and am horrified.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 09/04/2021 09:25

You call the GP for your 15 year old child. What the actual hell OP.

helpmemakeit · 09/04/2021 09:29

Read your message back to yourself. And be ashamed. Poor child.

Popfan · 09/04/2021 09:30

Of course you make an appointment and help him. Poor kid!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 09/04/2021 09:31

Not quite sure why you're being so arsey hedge.
OP this sounds like typical teen behaviour! Trying to blame you, my teens would have been told to piss off with that, YANBU!
I would just make them a GP appointment now.

HorseChestnutTree · 09/04/2021 09:31

My teen had been getting pain for a while, back and forth to the GP who just said growing pains Hmm Eventually got so bad, we happened to see a different doctor who actually looked at her back, noticed straight away the spine was curving. Had to have an operation, rods inserted to straighten her up.

I would get your son to the GPs, just to get him checked over, and keep going back if the pain doesn't go away. It might be nothing but it might be something that needs attention.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 09/04/2021 09:32

Many doctors won't see under 16s alone.

He's also still a child so might not have the confidence to make the call.

Back pain can be common. But then again, so is scoliosis and arthritis.

WhatHaveIFound · 09/04/2021 09:32

You should be the one phoning the doctor for a 15 year old. It's only after 16 that the doctor needs their permission to speak to you. Your DS shouldn't be in pain for a couple of years without it being investigated!

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 09/04/2021 09:33

Of course you call the GP! Back pain isn't something to ignore.

Original poster
Cocopogo · 09/04/2021 09:43

Thanks, I’ve got a telephone consult for the morning. Will keep you posted.
Those saying poor child Shock he does actually have a mobile and can navigate Google. He’s more than capable of getting the number and calling himself and walking the 5 min walk to the Gp, he’s not a baby, he’s just a typical lazy teen who expects everything to fall from the sky and hit him on the head. Sorry you think that constitutes poor parenting but I prefer raising a functional adult who gets off his arse and sorts things himself. However I have made the appointment and told DS now he’s out of bed.

OP posts:
JesusIsAnyNameFree · 09/04/2021 09:49

But he's not an adult yet, not even close. He's a child and you should have taken him to the doctor 2 years ago!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 09/04/2021 09:50

Glad to hear the 'ashamed' and 'horrified' brigade didn't affect you too much.Grin Mumsnet seems to have become slightly hysterical of late. Hope his back pain gets sorted and the appt goes well

troppibambini6 · 09/04/2021 09:51

So the pain started when he was 13? You expect a 13 year old to call a doctor and make an appointment for himself?
Seriously? Your poor son. Two years of pain you should be ashamed of yourself.

rainbowthoughts · 09/04/2021 09:53

He has had it since he was 13 and it didn't cross your mind to contact the GP Hmm

feathermucker · 09/04/2021 09:54

On and off back pain for a couple of years and you yelled t him that he's old enough to phone the doctor himself?!

Just contact the GP FFS.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 09/04/2021 09:54

@Cocopogo

Thanks, I’ve got a telephone consult for the morning. Will keep you posted. Those saying poor child Shock he does actually have a mobile and can navigate Google. He’s more than capable of getting the number and calling himself and walking the 5 min walk to the Gp, he’s not a baby, he’s just a typical lazy teen who expects everything to fall from the sky and hit him on the head. Sorry you think that constitutes poor parenting but I prefer raising a functional adult who gets off his arse and sorts things himself. However I have made the appointment and told DS now he’s out of bed.
Ignoring a complaint of pain that could very easily turn out to be a lifelong (and life shortening, in my case - by about 20 years on average) medical condition or require surgery isn't exactly stellar parenting.
rainbowthoughts · 09/04/2021 09:55

Sorry you think that constitutes poor parenting but I prefer raising a functional adult who gets off his arse and sorts things himself.

Letting him suffer with back pain on and off for 2 years didn't work though, did it?

Your logic is flawed here as you made the appointment for him, so you haven't raised someone who gets off his arse and sorts things for himself.

It's possible to raise such an adult whilst also arranging and attending a doctors appointment with/for them though.

Dogsanddrums · 09/04/2021 09:57

As someone who had undiagnosed Scoliosis as a teen, and after two sets of surgery, re learning how to walk (twice), Rods extending the length of my spine, and ongoing pain nearly 15 years later - please get the GP to check for scoliosis.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 09/04/2021 10:01

One back pain in young males is ankylosing spondylitis. Usually this is pain when resting. My understanding is that It is more common in young males often starting in teen years and certain exercise (contact sport and high impact sport for example) will make it worse.

Heretooutthere · 09/04/2021 10:06

I started getting back pain at 14 and still have it now in my 40’s. I was told by the Orthopaedic Consultant that some people can have a susceptibility to back pain for various reason. I have ended up with surgery, three spinal injections and so many physio appointments I might as well train as one myself.

Your DS could have a prolapsed disc, scoliosis or another serious condition to have been suffering for so long. Or, he could simply have poor core muscles which are vital for supporting his spine, in which case he would need specific exercises from a physio (being active does not automatically give you good core muscles).

At his age you need to facilitate appointments and attend with him if that is what the GP/physio etc requires due to being under 16. If he needs further exploration at hospital then you also must attend as he won’t have the ability at that age to take in everything he is told.

Independence is gained in many ways, and won’t be hindered by you attending medical appointments with him at 15.

Strangekindofwoman · 09/04/2021 10:10

Fucking hell. He's 15 not 25. It isn't a weakness to actually help your child if they are in pain.

itsgettingwierd · 09/04/2021 10:29

He may be 15 now but....

A) he clearly wasn't when this started and you didn't actively do anything to support him and get it checked out and

B) have you ever actually sat down and told him he can contact GP himself, the details of the surgery and how to do this?

YAB massively U and I'd say you've been quite neglectful of his needs

Stonerosie67 · 09/04/2021 10:49

Christ, call yourself a mother? He was 13 when his pain started so you've left it for 2 years before grudgingly doing something to help him...poor kid. You should be ashamed of yourself.

FeedMeSantiago · 09/04/2021 10:52

If it started when he was 13 you should have taken him to the GP.

I started making my own GP appointments at 15 and going to them alone. I wouldn't expect all 15 year olds to be confident enough to do that though.