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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU with mil?? I don't think I am but would like others experience or advice

17 replies

Mybabies20122013 · 08/04/2021 23:01

This is a very long story, going through out nearly 9 years of my children's life, so will try and cut it short. I fell pregnant at 18, at first mil was fine, after I gave birth to a little boy things changed, from a week old she and DH step dad wanted him over night every week, and said if we refuse then she will contact social services and have him removed from us, which we stupidly believed. I realised after that she only wanted him because she messed up DH childhood, by putting his step siblings first and got her mum to have DH until she wanted him back permanently, when he was 12. She never asked permission to take our kids anywhere (we had a little girl a year after our son) she took our son to legoland without our permission, but got her mum to look after our daughter as she didn't want to take her. She even said she won't have our daughter anymore only our son, she hadn't seen our daughter for 3 months which resulted in our daughter forgetting her, which mil realised and wanted her again, she and dh stepdad loved the kids wanting to go round theirs more than home, whenever our son missed us, dh stepdad accused us of brainwashing him to miss us. On Christmases they had a babys first christmas stocking round theirs, they bought them lots of presents and put them under their tree, and had ago at dh for us buying more than them. When our kids were 4 and 5 we stopped them sleeping over theirs, the mil said if we stopped them sleeping over then she would refuse to see them, we still stopped them. Then a few months later mil and her husband split up, she then paid interest in her grandkids again, wanted us to visit her and go on days out, which we did. I will never forgive her but I made an effort for dh and the kids. Then she met dh friend and his gf, she befriended them, and forgot about our kids, dh friend and gf have 3 boys age 14, 12 and 10, they started calling her nan and mil was calling them her grandkids and their mum her daughter, whenever dh said to mil to start calling the kids she argued with him about it, facetimed them twice and that's it. Then a few months later she rings and tells dh that she is now in a relationship with dh friend, and they haven't yet told his gf. He's already moved in with mil, and she has been feeding everyone lies by telling them that we have never made an effort. She actually visited us for the first time, didnt even talk to our kids that much, she used to kick a ball about with them when they were younger, now she's rude to them. We are due to go round hers for a bbq in a couple of weeks, and as soon as we notice her being rude in any way we are gonna stop making an effort and stop contact (like she'd care anyway) the whole time she was round ours she would sit on her bfs lap whilst snogging him in front of our kids. Our kids crave her attention as she never pays any attention to them anymore. Luckily our kids don't remember staying over hers. She even gets annoyed when fil buys us stuff, she's annoyed that he gives us money and not her, when they split up when dh was 2. There's a lot more I could say but you'd probably fall asleep reading lol and believe it or not, this is the short version 😅 but aibu to cut the kkds from her life? Shall I keep her in their lifes for there sakes? I don't want our kids to be treated that way, our daughter who is nearly 8 has adhd, odd and autism, and when mil said rudely for her to move out they way, dd did come over to me and give me a cuddle, she was smiling but that's because she doesn't know how to show emotion, but I could tell she was upset by it, i spoke to my daughter in a kind way, which then mil did too. Dh auntie is pregnant and isn't allowed to keep her child, mil is going to try and adopt it! Cannot have that child having the same upbringing as dh did. I'm so sorry about the long essay 🙈 please be kind. Our kids don't remember and they do prefer home than anywhere else now. Even better now we've moved to a house

OP posts:
Inthesameboatatmo · 08/04/2021 23:03

Go no contact until they get the point.
But personally I wouldn't care if they got the point I would still stay nc

Ivy455 · 08/04/2021 23:14

WTAF...

Ivy455 · 08/04/2021 23:15

@Inthesameboatatmo

Go no contact until they get the point. But personally I wouldn't care if they got the point I would still stay nc
But yeah this.
Marriagegoingtoimplode · 08/04/2021 23:18

I’ve not even managed to read the full post but I’ve read enough to say go. I contact. You do not need this chaos and manipulation I’m your life.

GreenClock · 08/04/2021 23:20

I stopped reading half way through. She sounds like a nutter.

Gazelda · 08/04/2021 23:22

She isn't the sort of person I'd want having any influence over my DC's lives.

Cocolapew · 08/04/2021 23:24

Good grief, keep your kids away from her, you should stay away too.

Thedogscollar · 08/04/2021 23:26

Jesus there are no words justShock
She is a seriously unstable woman.

Teardrop2021 · 08/04/2021 23:28

Ivy455

WTAF

This

Aquamarine1029 · 08/04/2021 23:30

The best decision you will ever make is to cut that unhinged woman out of your children's lives.

Chloemol · 08/04/2021 23:32

I would not be going to any bbq, and would be cutting contact immediately. If you dh wants to keep in touch fine

Trixie78 · 08/04/2021 23:33

I don't think anyone sane would advise you to keep in touch with this woman.

babbaloushka · 08/04/2021 23:42

Never let her near your kids again. Get rid.

Bipitybopityboop · 08/04/2021 23:51

@Teardrop2021

Ivy455

WTAF

This

Also this.
Bipitybopityboop · 08/04/2021 23:53

She needs to see a professional.
Actually lots of professionals.

Granny has got some deep rooted issues.

Your children will have a simpler and more peaceful life without this nutjob.

This is Jeremy Kyle material.

Bishbashbosh101 · 09/04/2021 00:02

I agree with the others. This isn't a suitable person to have around your children.

nanbread · 09/04/2021 00:04

Cut contact and get your poor DH some therapy if he hasn't had it already. She sounds beyond dreadful and fucked up.

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