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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unhappy where I live

17 replies

Meow13 · 08/04/2021 20:51

I am not sure if I am asking anything but would just like to know if anyone has been in same situation and its got better. We moved from northeast to Midlands 5 years ago for my husbands work and he is loving it and doing really well. The kids are happy and thriving. I just don't like it here and really just want to move back - I work here and have a couple of friends but feel very lonely but feel if everyone else is happy I just have to get on with it but also that this is my life too and feel very unhappy. Any advice and any happy stories v welcome.

OP posts:

Aprilshowersandhail · 08/04/2021 20:52

Sorry you are feeling rubbish.. The North East is mint though!!

Ginuwine · 08/04/2021 20:54

@Meow13

Are you unhappy with the geography, the amenities and the surrounding of where you live?

Or are you homesick for your old family and friends network which is a different thing?

1Morewineplease · 08/04/2021 20:56

Have lived in the Southeast for over twenty years. Hate it and can't wait to move back into normality.

Ginuwine · 08/04/2021 20:57

@1Morewineplease

Have lived in the Southeast for over twenty years. Hate it and can't wait to move back into normality.

Sounds like you can wait, if you've waited 20 years...

Pleaseaddcaffine · 08/04/2021 21:02

I have lived in numerous locations, loved bham, Manchester and bizarily new delihi and Dhaka. Loathed Cardiff.
Some places just aren't for some people but honestly mostly people make a place.
Joing a club or two and mke some friends, hard at the mo though, and you may feel different.

StoneofDestiny · 08/04/2021 21:10

It's warmer in The Midlands

Original poster

Meow13 · 08/04/2021 21:11

Everything is just ok, I guess. It just doesn't make my heart happy. I miss the sea and the familiarity of everything the most.

OP posts:

Cheeseandlobster · 08/04/2021 21:15

When I moved away I was homesick, I realise now, for probably 8 years or so. I ended up retraining and meeting more like minded people, and now I wouldn't go back if I was paid. Are you happy at work? If you are not could you look at changing jobs? If you dont work would you like to? I think knowing people is the key. I have also heard Next Door is good for meeting people. I am going to try to start a bookclub on mine. Could you do similar?

Original poster

Meow13 · 08/04/2021 21:17

@StoneofDestiny

It's warmer in The Midlands

It is! Thats 1 positive!

OP posts:

Mintjulia · 08/04/2021 21:17

You're doing better than I did, Meow. I lasted 11 months in the Midlands and left. I've never been so miserable, and had just been prescribed ADs . It seemed better to leave than to take them.

You need to tell your DH how you feel. Make him understand how unhappy you are. Don't let it get out of hand x

Goleor · 08/04/2021 21:19

I've been living in the midlands just shy of two years and I hate it. Finally moving mid may and I'm so excited. Never settled here at all

Cheeseandlobster · 08/04/2021 21:21

Just seen that you do work. Sorry

Waferbiscuit · 08/04/2021 21:23

OP many places in the midlands are for people from that area and not very easy for newcomers to assimilate.

TBH I would bail. I spent 2 years in Leicester and wanted to put a gun to my head. Dreadful place. I'm sure others will come on to say how great it is but sometimes things don't get better. Run!!

Notonthestairs · 08/04/2021 21:25

Five years is a long time to be unhappy.

It took me 2 years to settle where I am (commuterville) but I started a couple of hobbies, met some nice people and now consider it home. DH loves it but it took a lot longer for me.

I'm also very careful not to romanticise my home town/area - I've recognised that moving back would create a different set of issues, parts of it would be great but it would add other stresses.

Notonthestairs · 08/04/2021 21:26

Whatever you decide do talk to your partner - don't sit on it. I did and we ended up having proxy arguments as I wasn't able to say what I really wanted.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 08/04/2021 21:26

This happened to friends of mine. The wife was originally from the West Midlands and the husband the East Midlands: both moved to the north for university. They moved to the SW for his occupation, which as far as I can glean from the rare times he talks about it is pretty niche. They've now been there for knocking on two decades. She loved her life in the north, where they visit at every given opportunity, and as far as I can see has never settled there. I've always felt quite bad for her, and wondered if I'd have been so forbearing in the same situation!

Can some form of compromise be reached?

KarmaStar · 08/04/2021 21:28

Nothing is the same when you move back,it's too easy when we are unhappy to look back and view everything as happy.
Pinpoint what you hate and what,if anything you can do about it.
Covid has isolated is all so perhaps when things are opening up again you can explore a wider area of where you live.
Write a list of opportunities open to you that are not available back there and try them.
Really look hard at the pro's and cons of moving back,you'll be surprised which is the longer list.
Take time out for you to get to know your town/county.give it your all.
After a year,if you are still unhappy then see if you are prepared to sacrifice your family for your home town.
I really hope you find something there you love,do you know if you have an airfield?is sky diving for you?
Some exhilaration might just make you love your new home.
Good luck and remember the grass is not always greener,

Flip