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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

BIL and ex BF

16 replies

hotpatooties1 · 08/04/2021 10:03

I have left some specifics out as this is quite outing. Long story short, my ex bf is a salesman, he is also one of the most horrible people I've ever encountered. He lied, cheated and gaslit his way through our relationship until I finally found out the truth and it really ruined me. He was cheating on me with multiple girls from his work and having online relationships, too. Had an onlyfans and Snapchat account I knew nothing about.

When the relationship ended he tried to cover bits up and keep some of his credibility by telling me that the girls from his work were infatuated and were harassing him. He sent me a copy of a HR letter (signed by a HR advisor) regarding a meeting they 'had' about his sexual harassment in the work place. It was fraudulent and I outed him to his workplace for it and using this woman's signature. He kept his job. He then proceeded to take an overdose of paracetamol and cried 'mental health' was the reason he did all of these things. He was discharged the next day and expected me back and to help him with his 'recovery'. His mother (also batshit) blamed me 🙄 for not believing him, he must've been so desperate to show he was telling the truth.

Anyway, fast forward a few years and my BIL enquires to the company he works for about making a purchase. Names and addresses were provided so ex bf will have known who he was. Ex bf got in touch straight away, offering his help with the purchase. I am furious. I fully expect BIL not to deal with ex bf. There are multiple sales people who could deal with this and BIL could ask to deal with someone else. My sister thinks I'm being a bit unreasonable and I can't tell him what to do. I know that I can't but I have a horrible feeling ex BF has done this intentionally as a 'haha I'm still around' kinda stunt.

AIBU?

OP posts:
hotpatooties1 · 08/04/2021 10:12

I should probably also add that the two were not close when I was with ex BF, they saw each other in the passing at family gatherings but wouldn't have contact otherwise.

OP posts:
RincewindsHat · 08/04/2021 10:24

I would 100% feel the same way. Your BIL should ask for a new sales person.

Rukaya · 08/04/2021 10:29

My sister thinks I'm being a bit unreasonable and I can't tell him what to do

She's right. In all honesty it wouldn't occur to me not to have a slight professional dealing with my wifes sisters ex boyfriend from years ago.

hotpatooties1 · 08/04/2021 10:31

@RincewindsHat it is two years, not 20. But fair enough. It just doesn't seem like something minor that would have slipped either of their minds, it was a pretty big deal.

OP posts:
hotpatooties1 · 08/04/2021 10:31

[quote hotpatooties1]@RincewindsHat it is two years, not 20. But fair enough. It just doesn't seem like something minor that would have slipped either of their minds, it was a pretty big deal.[/quote]
@Rukaya

OP posts:
Overdueanamechange · 08/04/2021 10:34

I think your sister is right.

Houseworkavoider · 08/04/2021 10:45

Your sister is right but I can fully understand why you feel like that.
You could ask that they don’t talk about him to you?

SionnachGlic · 08/04/2021 10:54

Tell sister & BIL...you do not want to hear his name at all & tell BIL he is not under any circumstances to discuss you or your life with this aresehole.

Otherwise I'd forget about it. You'd think BIL would have some loyalty given you are wife's family but sometimes the might dollar is held above all else. But don't let the ex have the satisfaction of souring your life & influencing it any more than he has.

Mylovelyhorsee · 08/04/2021 11:04

Yabu. Just move on and don’t let him take anymore from you.

Overdueanamechange · 08/04/2021 11:20

We sort of had a similar situation in our family, her ex BF had become good friends with our family, they broke up and she moved away to be with her new partner. We stayed friends with her ex and I don't think she ever forgave us.

hotpatooties1 · 08/04/2021 11:27

BIL could have made the purchase and not told me, I would've been none the wiser. Wish he had.

OP posts:
AWamBamBoom · 08/04/2021 11:30

I not sure I understand . Would you have any contact with your Ex if they bought through him ?

Hoppinggreen · 08/04/2021 11:32

It’s up to them but they are being pretty stupid dealing with someone who has forged documents at work.
Other than that just keep out of it

Dontbeme · 08/04/2021 11:37

It’s up to them but they are being pretty stupid dealing with someone who has forged documents at work

Excellent point, I'm sorry OP I don't think there is anything you can say or do, but I would feel like you do, there are countless people they could deal with but they pick this jackass that hurt you? I would be side eyeing DS and BIL for this.

Hellohello53452 · 08/04/2021 11:37

Your sisters right, they aren’t friends he’s buying something from somewhere he happens to work. Not a big deal

hotpatooties1 · 08/04/2021 12:09

@AWamBamBoom no I wouldn't, they would.

OP posts:
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