To not want to commit to this big wedding in July?

[bananapalms]

I'm very close friends with the bride and absolutely expected to go, 150 guest marquee wedding in mid July.

I've already used work and childcare to jib out of a destination weekend hen do, mostly due to me thinking it isn't a good idea with COVID (cottage for 12 but before the rule of 6/2 household rule officially falls away)

It's getting to the point now where she's messaging the girls group asking where everyone has booked for their accommodation for the wedding weekend as "things are getting booked up". I will need to arrange a weekend of childcare, book travel and accommodation, get a new outfit (actually managed to lose weight in lockdowns 💃🏻).
The thought of committing so much money for the potential for social distancing measures not to have ended by that time and the wedding scaled back makes me a bit nervous.
What do you think the chances are of it actually going ahead? I just can't come to a conclusion about whether it's stupid to commit to expenditure I might not get back.

We're getting married in July (hopefully)

We've given everyone an 'out' by messaging to say we'd love them to be there but understand if they don't feel comfortable or their circumstances have changed (1 couple split in lockdown and one couple have a holiday booked so they've ducked out)

We'd understand if you couldn't make it for whatever reason. Tell her before they pay for you though

@bananapalms

It's really rural so the only accommodation within a 10 mile radius of the venue are small independent B&Bs, I had just assumed if I book and it doesn't go ahead I will lose money but I will call round a few and ask, thank you.

She's a really good friend, but I'm assuming if there are limitations on numbers she will (quite understandably) prioritise family, and in that case I'll have a B&B booked in a rural location for a weekend which I wouldn't really otherwise go to - it isn't a touristy area.

Childcare, my mum can have them overnight but I'd need paid childcare both weekend days as she has a clothes shop.

It's not that I don't value her friendship, I don't want to go to the hen because it's breaking the covid lockdown easing and I work in a role where I am public facing so I don't think it's sensible.
I just wondered what the people of mumsnet thought about general lockdown rules easing and the probability of the wedding going ahead. Stupid question I suppose as none of us know!

Given that August last year, only 30 guests were permitted, I think that I would err on the side of caution and only book refundable accommodation, even if further out than the 10 miles away. Can the children not attend also? Would a friend be able to have them in the day if not?

If you have a partner that isn't working, book accommodation and go.

I have a friend with similar wedding plans including a destination hen but they moved to next year thankfully. I honestly deep down think it's pretty selfish expecting people to shell out this summer for big weddings when most people haven't got any of their own holidays or trips this year. This is a big three day extravaganza too so I'm really relieved it's next year now!
If I was you I wouldn't pay for anything bar your outfit as at least you can get use out of that even if doesn't go ahead this year.

It’s only an invitation so you don’t have to go. I wouldn’t be going to such a large gathering given the current situation.

Neither would I pay for two days childcare and accommodation to attend.

Do you have a partner (or their dad) who could have your kids for the night? Meaning you wouldn't have to pay for childcare? Or could you take your kids with you (is it childfree?) and make an early night of it? Is it even something you could just drive up for the day? Even if it's 2 hours away, if you weren't drinking, you could drive back that evening, saving the issue of hotel and overnight childcare. I think it's probably unlikely that weddings of 150 people will go ahead by July.

Why do people think a 150 guest wedding won't happen in July? Its at least 2 weeks after the end of restrictions. Even if it slips by 1 week, then the wedding should go ahead.

I dont think it's fair to put the idea in the OPs head that this will conveniently just go away if she stalls foe long enough, weddings of unrestricted numbers will be back this summer. The question is, do you want to go to a wedding that big this summer, which is a different thing altogether than "will they be allowed".

If you do think you won't want to go, you must make the decision soon and tell the bride. Its not fair to just wait.

Masks and SD will still be in place after June even if the roadmap stays on track.

I suspect weddings will go ahead in July. If things Covid wise aren't go, I suspect that yet again they'll be SLOW to close anything down.

When you phone around the accommodation, check if YOU can cancel no matter what the regulations are, not only if it's cancelled.

I'd book accommodation (if I can cancel if I change my mind) I'd start trying to sort out an outfit (but only because I'm overweight and it takes me a long time to find something I'm happy with, if you're an enviable easy to dress size/shape you've got months yet!). I'd ask mum to pencil the overnight in & ask friends if they can have the DC in the day or for the weekend or whatever. But we have friends who do this for each other. If you need to book paid for childcare, there's no rush.

Then you can put it to the back if your mind fir a couple of months, it's only April. BUT if you really don't want to go, then say so now so they can ask someone else. A simple 'I'm really sorry, but I'm not comfortable making plans & commitments to be in a large group in July, so I'd rather let you know now so you can invite someone else if you want to. Sorry'.

People are going to have to accept people feel like this, whether they agree or not.

If you don't want to go tell her now.

I think you’re overthinking it and talking yourself out of going. Book somewhere refundable if possible and then stop analysing it. Covid has made a lot of people anxious about mixing and also made some people less likely to want to socialise. You will have a brilliant time when you are there and won’t regret it but may regret not going. I have a close friend who is getting married this summer and I think of it as non- negotiable.

@Aprilx

No, but if they are good friends then the bride could offer? Or why would anyone want to risk losing money?

Well the problem hits if the bride does offer to pay for the B&B or puts on childcare at the venue or other ways of "solving" the OPs official problem, when the reality is more about feeling nervous about going to a large event in the summer.

If you dont want to go, say no soon.

The world may feel very different by July though.

I feel really sorry for couples planning weddings at moment, it must be really tough. I would never miss a close friends wedding if I could help it. OP did she come to yours? I feel like you posted looking for confirmation that you shouldn't go so glad responses are mixed. I think more compassion for your friend is needed

I'm not nervous about going to an event with lots of people or of catching covid, I'm nervous about losing money.

I've found accommodation who will refund 75% cost if cancelled upto three days before so I've booked.

I posted really to see what the general thought was regarding a 150 person wedding go ahead. This forum does make me laugh how fickle it is. In the wind we do blow!

I get it, I'd be nervous committing that time and money too. I think couples insisting on guests committing to big weddings this summer are unrealistic and a bit selfish. I know 2 couples who have cancelled their weddings for this summer; there is too much uncertainty and they didn't want to pressure people to RSVP which in turn makes planning a nightmare so it was easier to cancel.