Do you consider sexual thoughts cheating?

[magickmummy]

I dont by the way but coming off a thread I was reading it got me thinking...

Would you consider you partner to be cheating if they thought about someone else (celeb or not) whilst mistreating cheating?

Would you also consider watching porn a form of cheating?

Just to add my own thoughts I don't consider either cheating and I do both.

So YABU = NOT cheating
YANBU = Cheating

@magickmummy

I dont by the way but coming off a thread I was reading it got me thinking...

Would you consider you partner to be cheating if they thought about someone else (celeb or not) whilst mistreating cheating?

Would you also consider watching porn a form of cheating?

Just to add my own thoughts I don't consider either cheating and I do both.

So YABU = NOT cheating
YANBU = Cheating

Meant masturbating not mistreating lol silly auto correct.

None of that is cheating.

Not cheating at all.

No, none of them are cheating.

No, none of the above constitute cheating.

No. It's very normal to wander off inside your own head.

If anybody thinks that is cheating then they'd never be happy in any relationship.

No not cheating We all fantasise about someone or other from time to time , as long as it doesn't be come a obsession, and start to ruin a normal relationship I can not see any issues with it

Thoughts - no
Masturbation - no

Porn - I'm not a fan because I think it ties into the patriarchy and women being undervalued, rape culture etc etc I would consider porn at least cheating adjacent but appreciate that's not everyone's standpoint.
I wouldn't choose a partner who used porn because of value differences and if I found a partner using porn in an existing relationship I would feel cheated on tbh.

Christ I hope not or my marriage would never have survived me watching Bridgerton

None of that is cheating. I’d be unhappy about porn though fir the same reasons as @MrsGogolsGumbo.

You can't police thoughts. Everything @AlCalavicci said.

Neither are cheating. Porn makes me uncomfotable for other reasons - both ethical and also habitual, heavy porn use can ruin relationships (and apart from anything else, what happened to men's imaginations? Is this all a result of too much TV as childen)?
That said, there is a sliding scale of behaviour related to porn - liking individual women's pictures on instagram, sending women dirty messages, subscribing to an individual woman on only fans and sending them messages/requests, building up a long term "relationship" with a web-cam girl etc etc etc that most people would consider unfaithful at a certain point (I wouldnt put up with any of it, but some men would say "its just the same as watching porn")

But thoughts in someone's head? nope.

YABU
You can't control someone's thoughts

Also, this reminds me of the Loft Episode of Friday Night Dinner...

No of course not. And how would you even know?!

You believe there are people who would see them or their partner thinking a film star is sexy the same as having an affair? Don't be silly

Porn I would have issues with same as some previous posters.

No. And anyone who does think their partner never thinks about anyone else like that is seriously deluded.

The OP said she started thinking after another thread...

OP? Can you give some more info on why you asked the question?

It's not cheating, but if it becomes a regular occurrence, it might indicate that something is lacking in the relationship.

I mean, seeing an attractive person on TV and having lingering thoughts about them? Normal. Actively spending every moment of the waking day fantasising about someone who isn't your partner? Issues.

Imagining someone else whilst in bed (not role-play)? Do you now have to imagine someone else every time? If it no longer works without pretending you're with someone else, issues.

Gosh I hope not. I do all of that.

I don't think the thoughts are cheating, thoughts are neutral, we can't help things that come into our minds.

Porn is a bad habit and disrespectful to any partner but not cheating unless it takes over from a real life relationship. It isn't something about which most partners would be happy though.

@NiceGerbil

The OP said she started thinking after another thread...

OP? Can you give some more info on why you asked the question?

Yeah someone on another thread said they never have sexual thoughts about anyone but their partner so this question popped into my head and where better to ask it than here.

I do get peoples objection to porn that is a slightly different area.

Porn objection is different as you say, and my objections are about the ill-treatment of those involved in its making and how it has changed expectations in sex and appearance. What you think if it stays private and is not accompanied by gawping/staring or worse at the person you like/fancy is not an issue to me. Same with masturbation if done in private- the threads about dirty socks or alongside someone is where my objections lie.

I don't consider any of it cheating.

For some reason though I think I'd be less comfortable if I knew my partner was fantasising regularly about someone we both knew in real life. I suppose that feels closer to home and something that might potentially be a threat.

But I wouldn't consider it cheating and it's not really something anyone can control.