AIBU?
Do you consider sexual thoughts cheating?
magickmummy · 07/04/2021 23:46
I dont by the way but coming off a thread I was reading it got me thinking...
Would you consider you partner to be cheating if they thought about someone else (celeb or not) whilst mistreating cheating?
Would you also consider watching porn a form of cheating?
Just to add my own thoughts I don't consider either cheating and I do both.
So YABU = NOT cheating
YANBU = Cheating
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
magickmummy · 07/04/2021 23:48
@magickmummy
Would you consider you partner to be cheating if they thought about someone else (celeb or not) whilst mistreating cheating?
Would you also consider watching porn a form of cheating?
Just to add my own thoughts I don't consider either cheating and I do both.
So YABU = NOT cheating
YANBU = Cheating
Meant masturbating not mistreating lol silly auto correct.
MrsGogolsGumbo · 08/04/2021 00:03
Thoughts - no
Masturbation - no
Porn - I'm not a fan because I think it ties into the patriarchy and women being undervalued, rape culture etc etc I would consider porn at least cheating adjacent but appreciate that's not everyone's standpoint.
I wouldn't choose a partner who used porn because of value differences and if I found a partner using porn in an existing relationship I would feel cheated on tbh.
apalledandshocked · 08/04/2021 01:07
Neither are cheating. Porn makes me uncomfotable for other reasons - both ethical and also habitual, heavy porn use can ruin relationships (and apart from anything else, what happened to men's imaginations? Is this all a result of too much TV as childen)?
That said, there is a sliding scale of behaviour related to porn - liking individual women's pictures on instagram, sending women dirty messages, subscribing to an individual woman on only fans and sending them messages/requests, building up a long term "relationship" with a web-cam girl etc etc etc that most people would consider unfaithful at a certain point (I wouldnt put up with any of it, but some men would say "its just the same as watching porn")
But thoughts in someone's head? nope.
andwaydowntheygo · 08/04/2021 04:28
It's not cheating, but if it becomes a regular occurrence, it might indicate that something is lacking in the relationship.
I mean, seeing an attractive person on TV and having lingering thoughts about them? Normal. Actively spending every moment of the waking day fantasising about someone who isn't your partner? Issues.
Imagining someone else whilst in bed (not role-play)? Do you now have to imagine someone else every time? If it no longer works without pretending you're with someone else, issues.
jessstan2 · 08/04/2021 05:13
I don't think the thoughts are cheating, thoughts are neutral, we can't help things that come into our minds.
Porn is a bad habit and disrespectful to any partner but not cheating unless it takes over from a real life relationship. It isn't something about which most partners would be happy though.
magickmummy · 08/04/2021 06:56
@NiceGerbil
OP? Can you give some more info on why you asked the question?
Yeah someone on another thread said they never have sexual thoughts about anyone but their partner so this question popped into my head and where better to ask it than here.
I do get peoples objection to porn that is a slightly different area.
peak2021 · 08/04/2021 07:18
Porn objection is different as you say, and my objections are about the ill-treatment of those involved in its making and how it has changed expectations in sex and appearance. What you think if it stays private and is not accompanied by gawping/staring or worse at the person you like/fancy is not an issue to me. Same with masturbation if done in private- the threads about dirty socks or alongside someone is where my objections lie.
nancywhitehead · 08/04/2021 07:41
I don't consider any of it cheating.
For some reason though I think I'd be less comfortable if I knew my partner was fantasising regularly about someone we both knew in real life. I suppose that feels closer to home and something that might potentially be a threat.
But I wouldn't consider it cheating and it's not really something anyone can control.
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