Partner money issues

[Hutch19]

Am I being un reasonable to cut a long story short my boyfriend recently asked me to chip in on helping out some of his family members and contribute and send some money over to them , I have never met these people before nor spoken to them what so ever , I was very offended I just think it is a very bold thing to ask of your partner especially if you have never met them said family members asking for money .I didn’t want to seem rude by saying I didn’t want to contribute but I felt like he just dismissed my reasons for not wanting to as just being rude or a bitch because they are more in need than us . Any advice would be helpful

[ChronicallyCurious]

Wtf! Tell him to do one

[ChangedName4TheSakeOfIt]

But seriously, get out now. If this is his attitude now you will be supporting his family (I assume abroad?) for the rest of your lives or at least until you're finances are gone and your face is on a story in Take A Break magazine.

[UCOinaUCG]

Did he give a reason for them need I get money or an amount? You are perfectly reasonable to say no to this request.

[GettingItOutThere]

wtf?
cultural thing?

no is my initial instinct! why cant he send them money? his family

[Mildmanneredmum]

How long have you been with him? I'd be surprised if there actually is a family - this sounds like a romance scam.

[squeezylizzy]

i think it depends on your relationship. we regularly used to send money back home for my family but seeing as we have a joint income - and had plenty of cash i sort of almost assumed that would be ok. my partner was fine with it. however, i have to caveat this with the fac that i financially supported my partner for over a year when he was finishing off his phd and this was six months into our relationship - he did the same for me the year after. so we clearly had a history of financially supporting each other and me asking us to send 400 quid back home for xmas was not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things. so i would say totally depends on your relationship

[RachelRavenRoth]

Did he call you a bitch? Was he annoyed? If he did or was, leave.

[StarsonaString]

Nope you are 100% right to say no.

However, before deciding how offended I would be, can you tell us more about his background? Some cultures will pool resources into one person with the expectation they will support the rest of the family. If that is the case I would be less annoyed but would need to have a serious chat with him about expectations and boundaries.

If there is no additional context I would be livid and feel he was attempting to use and manipulate me.

How long have you been together? Are you financially linked?

[Standrewsschool]

A weird request. Was it a large amount of money? Is it going to be a regular request? Will the money be paid back?

Definitely okay to refuse this request.

[BlackMarauder]

You're not being unreasonable for refusing to give money to people you don't know. I don't like that he brushed off your concerns. From what you've written here I'd say don't give anything. Is there a cultural reason? Was it a large sum? Is it a loan or gift? Why can't he give them his money?

[Aprilshowersandhail]

Sorry but I would have laughed...
And I would be second guessing the relationship..

[Meraas]

I came to the UK as a child and I frequently send money to family in the country of my birth, but I agree with you, OP, he is being very bold and presumptuous.

How dare he call you a bitch for not wanting to send money to people you've never met?

You would be better off donating to a charity like DEC who work with international charities and send money where it is needed most.

I would dump him now, sounds like he will be a cocklodger.

[skellingtonboot]

@Meraas

This post is from April 2021.
She probably has dumped him by now.

[Meraas]

[quote skellingtonboot]@Meraas

This post is from April 2021.
She probably has dumped him by now.[/quote]
@skellingtonboot you do know I didn’t resurrect the thread, right?

[skellingtonboot]

Yes I do. And?