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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else feel their life is just better with booze?

32 replies

Towineornottowine · 07/04/2021 21:13

I read those quit lit books about amazing women who have impressive careers and full on family life etc, and can totally see why their life is far better WITHOUT booze, especially when they are drinking quite a bit more than i do.

I don't have a career and having so much frustration with trying to get a visa (we are abroad) so can't even apply for anything. I can't have children and haven't fully accepted that loss yet. My mum is very ill at home. I haven't been able to make new friends here bc pandemic. I have a frozen shoulder and tbh sleep better on nights I drink.

I did dry january and keep between 2 to 4 nights alcohol free per week. However this is more booze than this time last year, and I like the idea of drinking less but then feel resentful I have nothing pleasurable at all, can anyone relate to this?

OP posts:
PattyPan · 07/04/2021 21:42

I don’t feel like that but didn’t want to read and run Flowers
It sounds like you are relying on booze to fill an emotional lack, which isn’t healthy. Alcohol doesn’t solve your problems, you just forget about them a bit when you drink. Which would probably happen if you did a hobby or something too, just something to distract yourself a bit that you could enjoy?

therocinante · 07/04/2021 21:42

I think your premise and your middle paragraph are two different issues.

Is it unreasonable to prefer having something you enjoy in your life? No.

Is it concerning that you equate drinking with dealing with bad things in your life and as a sleep aid? Maybe, potentially yeah. It's not the healthiest way to think about it, especially if you know that your consumption has crept up in the last year - the danger is setting new normals. I drink 2-3 nights a month - having 3-5 nights a week with alcohol to me sounds like a lot, but you have got there gradually so it seems less dramatic. But in a year if you're at '1 alcohol free night a week', how many units is that going to be? How much hidden damage could you be doing?

As I said, it's a potential. Maybe it's just been a really shitty year and you've turned to a less-than-ideal (but entirely common) coping mechanism and you'll pull it back a bit and it'll be fine. But I think it's usefult to be aware of the creep of it in your life, and your mindset (life is better with booze = bad things are fixed by booze = need booze whenever something bad happens = resent your life lacking something if you cut back).

therocinante · 07/04/2021 21:44

My answer sounds really clinical, sorry - I'm sorry you're having a shit time! And I completely get the urge to comfort yourself.

But something has flagged up in your head that made you ask this question and seek reassurance or a bollocking (I'm not sure which Grin) - listen to that voice that says you may be right to be mildly concerned.

HermioneMakepeace · 07/04/2021 21:45

Yes! I agree! My life is horrible and having a couple of glasses of wine in the evening is literally the only think I have to look forward to.

Chihuahuacat · 07/04/2021 21:51

I get you - I drink 1 bottle of wine a week and really look forward to it. It makes the weekend much more enjoyable. I don’t have any ‘hobbies’ particularly - I exercise regularly, read but I don’t look forward to those, they just fill the time.

The only concern from your post is using it to help you sleep - that might cause it to spiral a bit if you become reliant.

EffOffCovid · 07/04/2021 21:52

No I've ditched it and I feel lots better. I felt like it made me feel worse. I definitely want to keep it up. I only did it because I was struggling with home school during covid and lock down was dragging me down. I also get SAD and feel better once it hits spring with more sunlight. Sometimes it gives a false sense of coping. It's not easy to give up though especially if it becomes a habit and it's addictive. Wishing you strength, yes I could relate to what you wrote.

DrManhattan · 07/04/2021 21:55

I quit due to horrendous hangovers and generally making me feel depressed. Best thing I ever did. Feel like I got my weekends back and I can think clearer. Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear. I would give it a go though, maybe longer than one month. Good luck

SparklingLime · 07/04/2021 21:56

I can totally relate to that, @Towineornottowine.

chillidoritto · 07/04/2021 21:58

YANBU.

I spent my entire pregnancy looking forward to being able to drink again!

You have alcohol free days every month. If you enjoy a drink, that's fine!

Tana433 · 07/04/2021 22:02

YANBU There is not much to look forward to in life at the moment ( although hopefully it will begin to get better now) so a G&T, Glass of wine or a vodka and coke whilst catching up on the soaps or a drama is one of my few pleasures and there is no way im giving it up!

dementedma · 07/04/2021 22:07

I drink pretty much every night. I look forward to it. Its the only thing I look forward to.

Stuckhere2021 · 07/04/2021 22:08

OP I abuse alcohol and am on other alcohol support threads. I started off with a glass of wine which progressed to half a bottle to a full bottle to opening a second bottle....all to get a sleep. I’m now potentially an alcoholic although I’m currently dry. Please be mindful of your drinking before it gets out of hand Flowers

Hastybird · 07/04/2021 22:11

YANBU...not all coping mechanisms are healthy or need to be all of the time.

That said, if you've got a nagging voice saying to cool it a little, listen.

userxx · 07/04/2021 22:13

It can be a slippery slope and one you need to keep in check.

malificent7 · 08/04/2021 02:03

I love booze but i think my life is better when sober.

Original poster
Towineornottowine · 08/04/2021 02:21

Alcohol doesn’t solve your problems, you just forget about them a bit when you drink. Which would probably happen if you did a hobby or something too, just something to distract yourself a bit that you could enjoy?

Yes, it definitely doesn't solve anything! But...nothing can solve any of my shit, so in a way the relaxation from booze feels like making the best of things?

This year I'm at a loss about what hobbies are available?

I was a big yoga fan and now I can barely do any yoga because of my shoulder and this really upsets me. I can't do a simple downward dog let alone any more complex inverted poses, and I can't do any upper body stuff.

Now, I do know I need to focus on different kinds of yoga and I will do that - but I feel completely overwhelmed at the min and upset at the constant pain because yoga was always my 'go to'. I want to get to a physiotherapist and try to heal as much as possible, but at the min can't get to a physio.

Everything feels so stressful! Pandemic not helping!

OP posts:
userxx · 08/04/2021 08:43

Are you sure you can't see a physio ? Some in my area are working and have been for a while.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 08/04/2021 08:44

If you're drinking 5 nights a week then you might have a problem.

LatentPhase · 08/04/2021 08:49

OP, am not sure about the rights/wrongs but I am having a shitty time after a shitty year (well we’ve all had that) and I am suffering with frozen shoulder (my sleep is awful, it’s agony) and I look forward to a glass of wine of an evening. I know it’s not great. But I TOTALLY hear you on this Flowers maybe take baby steps to find other things to make you feel better (considers taking own advice).

knackeredcat · 08/04/2021 08:51

I only drink on a Friday night. It's part of my ritual - quick blitz of remaining housework, shower, sort out hair and makeup then wine. I don't have to do any of this but I like to - it's a reward to myself for getting through the week. As I'm neurodivergent I also like the comforting routine of it all. Plus those few glasses of wine on a Friday make me feel relaxed, witty, attractive - things I certainly don't feel throughout my working week.

I did drink too much in my 20s when I had the energy to go out quite a lot but those days are gone, thankfully. Even one drink mid week doesn't agree with me these days so I don't bother.

JensonsAcolyte · 08/04/2021 08:53

Non drinkers can be evangelical about it. If it works for them, great.

I used to be stuck in a cycle of drink, wake up feeling dreadful and guilty because it was ‘bad’, and then by the evening start drinking again. I’d throw it down and race to finish the bottle because I felt like I was being naughty and might not have the opportunity tomorrow. Really unhealthily.

I unpicked all of this a while ago and decided to just take some time out from feeling guilty about it. So the first few times I woke up after a bottle of wine I thought, hmm, ok, not great but tomorrow is another day. And I stopped making promises to myself about not drinking tomorrow.

Anyway, now I’ll have a couple of guilt free glasses, or none, or sometimes a bottle. I listen to my body rather than my brain and I’ve found the ability to go, oof, feel a bit tiddly, and put the glass down.

I still drink more than is healthy but I don’t think that’s the worst thing in the world. Freeing myself from the torture of the guilt cycle has done wonders for my mental health.

This is just what worked for me and I’m sure abstinence is better for others, but the periods of time that I didn’t drink weren’t some magical free time where I was a picture of health and happiness.

Iggly · 08/04/2021 08:53

Hey OP, are you looking for reassurance about needing booze? Just wondering.

Booze may help in the short term, but it won’t provide a long term answer - you’ll need to look elsewhere for that. Alcohol actually messed with your sleep, it may be making your shoulder worse (eg if you crash out after a drink and are sleeping under the influence and stuck in a bad position) and it does create a bit of a morning cloud over your head.

But be kind to yourself. I’m sure you know the ways to fix at least some things.

dieblauenStrumpfhosen · 08/04/2021 08:55

I can relate to your last post quite a lot. I used to do a lot of yoga before I was diagnosed with arthritis last year. I can't do anything that takes weight on my hands, so downward dog etc is completely out for me too. It's so so frustrating.

I can't do any online classes because I need to adjust all my poses and I am so out of energy that I can't bring myself to do yoga by myself.

I hardly drink because it doesn't do much for me, but I've taken up smoking a tiny bit of weed in the evenings to relax me from the pain. I know a lot of people would judge, but I look forward to it and it helps me sleep.

I don't have any suggestions, but I do understand. This last lockdown has been savage for me.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 08/04/2021 08:58

I have a fulfilling life and I still enjoy booze. I usually only drink on Friday and Saturdays but I'm going to the pub on Monday when they open!

CroutonsAvatar · 08/04/2021 09:03

I enjoy a small glass of wine with dinner most nights maybe a share a bottle on a Saturday night. Sometimes get tipsy when out with my friends. Most people I know are the same, the ones without young children probably drink a bit more. I don’t think it’s to fill a void. They just enjoy a nice bottle of wine/G&T whatever at the end of the day or when socialising. Don’t believe it goes much deeper than that.

Whenever there’s a thread on alcohol on mumsnet though, I feel like my friends and I are all raging alcoholics.

I’ve lost two family members to alcoholism and seen the reality and it was a slippery slope due to untreated depression both times. So I try to be careful not to drink too much if feeling low as it does inevitably make me feel worse. So as long as you have awareness of that and can moderate then fine.

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