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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Elderly Vulnerable Neighbour

16 replies

Besswess88 · 07/04/2021 20:46

My NDNs are in their late 80s/early 90s.

They have no family at all. Their home is very delapidated and due to his hoarding they only live in a couple of the rooms.

As they have got more elderly I have helped out more esp through the pandemic doing their shopping etc and when she was unwell for a week I went in once a day and cooked and looked after them.

Tonight she has been taken ill again and has been taken into hospital, he is blind and deaf and very doddery and is doubly incontenant and wears pads. I have phoned Adult SC before but they have said as they are home owners and have savings they won’t do anything and have said they have to pay for their own care.

I have tried to organise some care for him tonight with no avail (I have made sure he has everything he needs but I think he would be mortified if I tried to help him with personal care). I am worried about him being there alone with the wooden stairs.

Prama care go in for 1 hour a day but more to help with cleaning and cooking not personal care. Hospital were talking about taking him in but I can’t now get hold of the ward.

Obviously I will go in first thing tomorrow before work but what else can I do if she has to stay in again tomorrow night?

I work for children’s SC so can ask colleagues in adults for advice tomoz but I am really worried about him tonight.

I have a key and have made sure he doesn’t need to go downstairs again tonight but I feel so uneasy about it 😓

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 07/04/2021 20:49

No advice, but you make a lovely caring neighbour.

Original poster
Besswess88 · 07/04/2021 20:53

Aw thanks. I actually get in really well with her she has some stories to tell, they just have no one 😓

OP posts:
Geranibum · 07/04/2021 23:31

I have had a similar situation apart from that the elderly person wouldn't allow anyone to help with their very poor home situation and increasing frailty. I tried contacting social services but got brushed off - in the end I contacted their GP in writing with a long letter detailing my many concerns (they would not discuss it in person due to patient confidentiality - I did try).
Hand the problem over to them (if you know who the GP is of course); they will deal with it though all the proper channels and be able to "code red" the request for speed of response from social services safeguarding team. It sounds as if it needs to be pretty urgent though so perhaps try to do it over the phone if they'll let you.

Geranibum · 07/04/2021 23:33

NB - social services are right, your neighbours might end up having to pay for some care. But right now there is an immediate risk to the well-being of a very vulnerable elderly man unable to take care of himself which needs to be dealt with today; bill paying and regular carers can come down the line if needed.

AlwaysLatte · 07/04/2021 23:36

Try ringing Age UK? And Social Services should be coming anyway, whether they are deemed self funding or not doesn't mean they shouldn't get an assessment?

Queenie6655 · 07/04/2021 23:38

You are an angel

My family have been through hard times like these and my god people like you make life so much easier

vdbfamily · 07/04/2021 23:42

social services have a duty to assess his needs and advice even if they have to pay for what is needed. Can you phone their doctors surgery and ask them to refer to am admissions avoidance team to provide emergency support to keep him our of hospital whilst a longer term plan is made.

Geranibum · 07/04/2021 23:43

Sorry, third post here but I keep having other thoughts; you say they have a daily help?From what you have said about the old man's state of health, I would think that the daily carer will be concerned at the current situation and the immediate safeguarding of their client. They will have a protocol to follow in such situations - so perhaps speak to them / or their manager about your concerns.

FireflyRainbow · 08/04/2021 00:02

What a lovely person you are. Thank you for caring.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 08/04/2021 00:14

That's terrible that SS don't want to know. Blind and deaf - he can't be left alone, surely?

Original poster
Besswess88 · 08/04/2021 16:18

Thanks all.

I contacted Age Uk and Social Care and the carers so we now have things in place for him.

OP posts:
moochingtothepub · 08/04/2021 16:28

Yes they may need to pay but they should be provided with care now and assessment of fees later - it used to be 6 weeks grace before they charged in these circumstances

Stonerosie67 · 08/04/2021 16:33

Nothing to add other than your kindness has made me cry. You lovely woman. If only there were more like you, the world would be a nicer place xxx

Queenie6655 · 08/04/2021 19:01

Thank god for kind people in this world

My dad had a real angel help him out for years she never wanted payment just liked to help others
I def pay it forward as I will never forget it xxxx

Original poster
Besswess88 · 09/04/2021 17:50

Whoever suggested Age UK is an absolute legend.

They phoned me and my neighbour today and are going to make sure she is getting all the correct allowances and put a crisis in care thing in place so if it happens again he will automatically be looked after.

The lady really was wonderful and my neighbour is thrilled thanks 🙏

OP posts:
TheUnquestionedAnswer · 15/04/2021 00:19

Ahh that's lovely op. thanks for the update.

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