AIBU Upset at way partner deals with difficult emotions

[Unfairtofeelthisway]

My partner and I have been together over 20 years. We have no children. He has a history of depressive episodes and some emotional abuse, silent treatment, anger. He has had therapy in the past for this. Things have generally been mostly better for past few years. (I probably shouldn't have stuck it out when times were bad but I did.)

His father was diagnosed with a terminal illness a couple of months ago. We are unsure of timelines, but it could be between 6 months to 2 years before he passes.

Obviously we are both devastated by this news. I have been supporting my partner as much as I can .

The last week or so my partner has complete shut down on me. Barely talking to me. Wont eat meals with me. Wont sleep in same room as me.

Do I have any right to be upset by this behaviour? I know it's not about me. I know this is how he "handles" life when things get tough. I just feel really frustrated that he is once again reverting to this way of coping. I feel so alone right now.

Tricky one, and you both have my condolences. I have family members who are a bit like this. I think they see internalising it is preferable to talking about it and risking either becoming angry or upset. Not wanting to talk about things and preferring not to think about it. Maybe it’s the old fashioned stiff upperlip thing?

In a sense this isn’t really about reasonableness on the part of you or him. People can’t help how they process emotional traumas. Some will retreat into themselves, some will shout and swear, some will talk, some will sob.