My life is miserable and don't think I can take much more

[FeelingDesperate21]

Posting here for traffic sorry!

I'm feeling so miserable at the moment and just really down and burnt-out and just have no idea what to do.

I work part time but in a stressful job with long shifts and I'm not particularly happy in my job, when I'm not working I'm looking after my three year old and that's pretty much all my life is; work and toddler. I can't drive to take us anywhere new or different and I just seem to take him on the same walk or the same park every day, public transport is abysmal. I'm rubbish at crafts even though I try and do something "cool" most days. My toddler isn't even badly behaved or particularly difficult but I find myself getting snappy and short with him for no reason and sometimes not even really giving him as much attention as I should because I'm so bored of the same stuff everyday.

I struggle to get out of bed in the morning and I'm so exhausted in the day I just find myself just waiting and looking forward until he's in bed so I don't have to feel guilty about not engaging with him.

I don't really have any friends near by and I see my mum often but I already disturb her enough constantly and she still works and does other bits and bobs.

So as not to drip feed I am looking at different jobs but it's difficult because I live semi rural and can't drive through no fault of my own. His dad also isn't on the scene and he already goes to nursery some days but only when I'm in work.

I've just rambled on here, sorry just need to get it all off my chest which already feels better. I'm just fed up of dreading getting up in the morning and the thought of another day. I'm fed up of the crippling guilt I feel over my parenting and any decisions I make.

You don't sound depressed, you sound bored. I know it's easier said than done - but could you move somewhere a bit livelier? I don't think rural suits single people. You need somewhere with better transport and a chance to meet people.

I'm sorry to hear how you were feeling earlier, and I'm glad to read that you feel better for sharing. Your post got me wondering:

When was the last time you had an evening just having fun and doing stuff that you love doing?

When was the last time you had a day out just having fun and doing stuff you love doing?

When was the last time you took a week's holiday?

When I'm feeling down and getting dark thoughts, I try to remember to ask myself these questions. Joy doesn't seem to come naturally to me and I have to make an effort.

Sweetie, you sound as if you are doing so well at a bad time. You have to remember it will get better, both as things open up and as your little one gets older. You will be able to meet new people and hopefully make some similar friends. I wish I could give you a hug x

First of all, you are a single parent. There is a pandemic. You are doing very, very well - working and taking good care of your child. You do not have to do a ’cool thing’ every day. Go outside, blow some soap bubbles or if you have a garden just let your child get messy and play with some buckets of water, pine cones and sand...

Sorry to hear you're feeling down, OP. Working and raising a small child is no mean feat. I had many miserable moments until my smalls started nursery/school. It's relentless and exhausting, no matter how much we love them. And that was without bloody covid/lockdowns!

Agree that a trip to GP to check out bloods etc may be a good idea.

Please be kind and gentle to yourself, it sounds like much of your trouble is that you're not giving yourself a break or enough credit. You are looking after your child's needs, then you are a 'good enough' mother.

And lastly, though it sounds trite, this, too, will pass. Your son will get bigger, will change, will become easier. You might take driving lessons, find a new job, etc. Even if you do nothing, things will change, it's the nature of the world!

@Rainallnight

This past year has been so, so hard and I think as a single mum, you’ve done so amazingly.

Can you afford to put DS in nursery on one of your days off so you can get some time to yourself?

And you should definitely take your mum up on her offer, even if not to do counselling.

Though I think you should try counselling, because you do sound a bit depressed.

On doing cool stuff with your son, is there anything you enjoy doing that you could get him involved in? I know there’s very, very little we can do at the moment, but for example, I get a take out coffee and babychino and a couple of croissants for us, and then it feels like I’m doing something for me that he also enjoys. Does that make sense?

And don’t worry about doing cool crafts. They don’t give a shit. Really they don’t. Play doh, mud, sand, cars, trains, puzzles, stories etc. All of these are perfect.

Do you know any other mums locally? Time in the playground with other mums lately has made a massive difference to mental health.

Also check out Five Minute Mum’s website. She has loads of good ideas for activities and everything only takes five minutes to set up.

to you. It’s bloody hard at the moment.

I could probably find the money to put him in nursery an extra morning or two a week especially now I have the funding, there is actually a childminder who lives on the same street as me which would be ideal!

It's funny because we always used to make an event of going into town and looking around the charity shops then the park and then we'd go into this little cafe and get a tea bun and a cuppa and to the outside world it seems like such a mundane mundane and uneventful trip but I looked forward to it every week. Now things are opening up again it will be easier to do that, we actually had a take away hot chocolate today and it made me so excited and hopeful!

I don't really know any local mums, when we're at the park I always try to be friendly and strike up a conversation but I'm so socially awkward I never know what else to say and just find it uncomfortable which is frustrating because I do really want to make friends!

I will check out that website, thank you!

@Lightsabre

Sorry if I've missed it but can you take steps to learn how to drive? It will make your life so much easier.

I passed my test when I was 17 but was diagnosed with epilepsy when I was 19 so only had a short spell of being able to drive. Its frustrating because its mainly well controlled but I still have a couple of seizures a year and each time I tweak my medication it gets better slightly better. I think that also adds to my feelings sometimes because I'm resentful of the fact I made the effort and passed my test but my life is still no easier if that makes sense? x

Thank you so much to everyone who has posted it really means alot to me I wish I could reply to everyone individually but I've put off washing my hair for a few days now and once it's done I usually fall asleep pretty quickly as there's nothing more relaxing than a hot shower for me

OP you sound a bit depressed
And I say that as someone who has been there
When you are depressed a life that could be bearable , just isn’t
And - it’s not hopeless
Sounds like you are doing your best

Consider MH support to help you clear your head
Be it medication , be it therapy
Many of us have been in the dip and it can be changed
Things can change
Just hold onto that

Everyone has something they are really good at and enjoy - something that makes them get out of bed every day excited to do. You just haven't found your thing yet.

I encourage/challenge you to explore all you can in books and on the internet to discover your purpose - your calling. Don't be a sheep and follow the flock. Not everything costs a lot money or is far from home.

I know exactly how you feel OP. I have a young child - circumstances a bit different- I'm working form home and I'm utterly down at the moment. Feel like there is nothing to do, everything is the same, sick of the same parks we go to all the time, bored in the house. I feel stuck and powerless to change it. The last year has been hellish because all the normal things we do with our kids to get them out and enjoy seeing them happy haven't been possible. I used to love going to the shops, going to cafe too and now we can't don't that - and my current mood means I don't even find that appealing anymore. I miss going to work and the routine that gave me - just getting the bus to work, a cup of tea in the office, a nice lunch - even though my job is really boring! I do think that you should remind yourself how much the current restrictions are influencing your mindset. Some extra childcare and something to look forward to will help. I think as life returns a bit more to normal, thing will be a bit better, and you can see your GP it you do still feel down. Antidepressants could help to make you see things in a different way and open your mind to new possibilities to make improvements in your life ] you won't feel like this forever