Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Green Eyed Monster

23 replies

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/04/2021 15:51

I think I know I'm being a bit touchy about this but need outsider perspectives. I went low (strictly necessary only) contact with my in laws after years of them being (well, what I consider) awful to me. I don't see it as my job to facilitate DH's or DC's relationship with them anymore, DH can do that. I've blocked them on all channels but DH keeps in touch. Neither me nor DH are on Facebook.

My sister is younger than me, slim and absolutely gorgeous. This year on her birthday she took a fabulous photo of herself and presumably put it on her Facebook page. My MIL screenshot it and sent it to DH saying "have you seen this?" To not drip feed, my sister was on roller skates in the pic so not just an every day photo. The only reason I know about the photo is because DH said "have you seen this?" MIL has only met my sister a few times at family functions, so I have no idea why she sent it?

AIBU to be a bit jealous? I actually don't know.

OP posts:

Fyredraca · 07/04/2021 15:53

What exactly are you jealous about?

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2021 15:56

What a weird thing to send to your DH though, what did your DH say to her?

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 15:56

I’m not sure what you’re saying either, are you jealous of your sister?

Aquamarine1029 · 07/04/2021 15:58

Jealous? Of what?

MalibuandOrange · 07/04/2021 15:58

What exactly is there to be jealous of? It's just a photo. :/

nevernotstruggling · 07/04/2021 15:58

I sort of understand. When I got divorced I came off Facebook. Not everyone I know unfriended exh. Some seemed to go out of their way to report what they had seen on fb when I didn't want to hear it.

Yanbu to be no contact and or not use sm. However you can't tell grown adults not to use sm and make vague connections over your head.

unchienandalusia · 07/04/2021 15:58

Sorry I'm confused too.

lioncitygirl · 07/04/2021 16:00

Errrrrr what now? You’re jealous of her sister or her being on skates or something? Or you DH had a thing for her and MIL is trying to facilitate that? I’m so confused.

Original poster

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/04/2021 16:01

DH just didn't reply. Yes I'm jealous of my sister, I mean everyone around her is. I'm not making myself very clear (probably because I don't know what I feel) but I sort of felt that MIL was saying "have you seen your hot sister in law?" While I am stuck as frumpy, disagreeable wife/mum.

OP posts:

HarryElephante · 07/04/2021 16:03

I think your MIL is implying your DH married the wrong sister.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/04/2021 16:04

@LadyOfLittleLeisure

You shouldn't be jealous of your sister but I do understand why you would feel annoyed with your MIL, it was a very odd thing to send your DH and I can't think of any reasoning for it other than what you've said (none of that is your sisters fault though)

Chocolateismakingmefat · 07/04/2021 16:07

Op you have balls and morals... Mil can't handle that..
You rock...
Don't forget that.
Not everyone has the guts to keep their mil away.

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 16:08

I understand why you’d be pissed at your mother in law. I don’t understand why she did that.

But being envious of your sister is not healthy, is it just her or are you jealous of any female who you feel is more attractive than you?

Original poster

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/04/2021 16:12

@Bluntness100 pretty much only her. I know it's bad. I mean usually I don't think about it too much, it's a bit embarrassing

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/04/2021 16:13

@Chocolateismakingmefat thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/04/2021 16:14

@AryaStarkWolf and @HarryElephante I really think my MIL hates me!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 07/04/2021 16:17

Is it becayse you compare yourself to her negatively?

I get what you think your mil was doing but seldom have I met an older woman who looks at a younger woman and thinks wow she’s hot and sends it to her son, that would be weird behaviour. Very weird. Generally if I’ve seen someone do this it’s more because they are feeling negative about the person in the image,

Could it be your jealousy of your sister which is making you translate it to the way you are reacting, you feel like the frumpy disagreeable one, so that’s what you read into others actions?

Hhusky · 07/04/2021 16:17

That was a weird, dick move by your MiL

Tooshytoshine · 07/04/2021 16:24

Your MiL is a piece of work.

In the genetic lottery, I got the better mix of physical attributes compared to my sister (not gorgeous just above average). And despite me being gay, there have been awkward moments with boyfriend's etc as there is only a small age gap. My sister is a wonderful person who I love more than anything - she is breath takingly witty, fiercely intelligent and successful, more so than me. Genetics give and take away. There have been times when she has been jealous (and vice versa), and I have ignored it as it's not my fault and how she feels is legitimate, honest and reasonable. YANBU it's how you feel.

However,your MiL is not being reasonable. It's unkind, unnecessary and hurtful. However, there is no way that voicing these feelings will make you look good. Instead assume the best, she sent it because it amused her that your sister is somebody who posts photos roller skating And you are all in on the joke - thinking the worst won't make you feel better. But above all, remember comparison is the thief of joy - you have loads of great things about you that your sister doesn't, focus on those - it's not a competition.

Bumblebee1980a · 07/04/2021 16:25

I totally understand why you'd feel jealous of your MIL sending your DH a picture of your sister. It's like she is saying "this is the hotter sister" especially the way you ah e described the photo. Obviously I don't know that for sure but your posts imply that.

You don't need to feel embarrassed about feeling jealous about your sister. You're being honest and I'm sure given the choice you'd rather not feel that way.

Maybe go out and buy yourself some clothes, take some time for yourself, get some exercise - that's always makes me feel better.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

Danni91 · 07/04/2021 16:28

Yeah, you're ok.

I wouldn't say you was jealous of your sister only because of the fact shes skinny and pretty though or you would be jealous of thousands more. Im sure you're gorgeous too! Its probably much more deep rooted than that but people will see certain words and tell you that you're being an arse.

Your DH should of replied (or maybe still can)

'No mum, l hadnt seen it, whys that?'

OP it aint easy going no or low contact, dont let the little things get to you honestly. It wasn't worth it before & its not worth it now!

CarnationCat · 07/04/2021 16:29

Ignore and move on.

Sounds like you're doing 100% the right thing by not having any contact with your MIL.

Your sister is probably gorgeous but I'm sure you are too. Your DH chose to marry you, not your sister. What your nasty MIL thinks is irrelevant.

Original poster

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 07/04/2021 16:43

Thanks everyone - I feel a little bit less of a prat now

OP posts:

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread