To feel like it's always me

[User22447]

Have two elderly very close relatives who have both become Ill at around the same time . I have two sisters ,one who lives a short car journey away, one who lives 400 miles away.
During the last few months sister who lives miles away has had one of our relatives with her as care was needed by relative during the day and I am at work full time. Other sister runs her own business but is in and out throughout the day.
Other elderly relative has been in and out of hospital frequently the last few months. Most recently the last week.
It seems that everything regarding this relative falls to me , checking house, washing, dropping things in ,getting to and from hospital etc. While other sister who lives here seems to be frequently unable to help.
For context I have small children , a full time job and other commitments, also sister who lives here and I don't speak.
I've spent most of Easter picking up and dropping off, afraid to make plans in case I'm needed.
Was meant to be spending today with DD , but been called away so had to again organise childcare .
I feel like no one is considering my situation and im permanently stressed and fed up.
Aibu ?

You need to establish boundaries if you are feeling put upon by your sister. Be more assertive in conversations with her 'I can do the doctors appt this week, if you can do the next'. I won't be able to pick up the prescription as DC have rugby that day '. Don't complain about having to do everything as that will make her defensive. Just lay out what you are prepared to do.

"I feel like no one is considering my situation"

That's because your happiness and stress levels are yours to manage. You need to advocate for yourself. Nobody ever gets to their deathbed and says "you know what I wish I'd stretched myself even thinner for everyone around me".

Sorry if that sounds really harsh, my parents both made themselves responsible for elderly GPs when my aunts and uncles didn't bother. My cousins got carefree childhoods with happy parents and are all close with them now. For us growing we had less time with them due to their "commitments" and they were never relaxed or able to just enjoy the moments. My siblings and I learnt our lessons from that and won't be killing ourselves/neglecting our own families to look after them when they start to needs more and more care.

You need to be frequent able to help too.
If it’s too much then these relatives are going to have to pay for help. If they need help but refuse you need to get Social Services involved.
They pushed carers onto a relative of mine who refused them, and charge a fortune for it too !

Your sister has better boundaries than you. It's cold but true. You need to decide what support you are willing and able to provide and stick to that. SS or the others can fill the gaps.

@DinosaurDiana

You need to be frequent able to help too. If it’s too much then these relatives are going to have to pay for help. If they need help but refuse you need to get Social Services involved. They pushed carers onto a relative of mine who refused them, and charge a fortune for it too !

*frequently unable

Thanks for the replies, as are involved but it's in its infancy so there's still issues being ironed out
Don't want to not help at all just feel like it's expected I will and there's an atmosphere if I don't.
Am I therefore going to have to fall out with people by standing my ground ? I dont want to but feel like it's the only option left .
Just to add I'm significantly closer to relatives than my sister who isn't really helping , this is why I think I'm the first port of call.

SS*

You need to be able to say no. Start saying I can't help next week because I have overtime at work/DC have appointments I need to attend. Can you ask Other Sister instead?

I think it depends who the relatives are.

Parents? Aunt/uncle?

Your problem is that you can't work as a team with someone who is not on the same team as you.

I would count her out and make whatever arrangements suit you and your relatives.

Who is coordinating the ‘helping’?

Is it the elderly relatives themselves asking you, or one of your sisters telling you?

My `DH is in the same situation. He has decided to do the work, the others won’t, as he doesn’t want to see the relative struggling.